Today I woke up and realized my alarm had been set but not turned ON. Seriously?! Thank goodness for the "Micah alarm" going off! I quickly woke David up and we woke up Joy fast to get the kids ready and out the door. (Please note: Joy needs a good HOUR to get up and be a happy camper. Lesson learned. No more forgetting to TURN ON the alarm. Doh.)
All while getting ready I was becoming increasingly aware my pain was more intense than normal for a morning. Moving around so fast might have actually been making it worse but I knew we had stepped out of "medium pain." Just as we were leaving, I took something for the pain. (Oh, how I look forward to the day I do not need ANY at ALL!)
We arrived at her new school and were warmly greeted right away. Joy was shy at first (as is her usual) at meeting her teacher and new classmates. We talked to her teacher (a friend from church) and chatted with several other parents and staff at the school. David went off to ask one of them a few lingering questions we still had and set up our interview for the next day. (Talk about cutting it close - our year!)
We enjoyed our time and then were told we could actually interview in about 15 minutes. When the principal was ready to meet with us, Joy's wonderful teacher agreed to continue to watch our little ones in her classroom with the other kids. We headed off to meet the principal. Let me tell you: this guy is in the right position, at the right place and made me feel even more confident about our decision to send Joy to this school. He talked a lot about the classical approach to school with the Christian worldview. I was intrigued, learning even more, while fighting off the discomfort in my body from today's pain from my PE. He assured us at the end of the interview we were a good fit and to not worry. He would expedite her application and would see us on Tuesday for the first day of school. I was thrilled. I felt so much more confident than even before this was definitely where Joy belonged.
We left shortly after. We dropped David off to get ready for his first job of the day and went to WinCo to get some groceries to get us through to "payday." The kids were wonderful and made it a fairly easy trip. Upon arriving at home, I get the kids' lunch ready and went back down to the car to grab the rest of the groceries. I grimaced and grumbled as the neighbors below us yelled loud, inappropriate things (from inside their apartment) that our whole side of the complex likely heard. I was frustrated, remembering issues they had caused for us a lot of the year but tried to remain calm as I headed back into the apartment to check on the kids and start to enjoy just being home for the day.
It was then that I realized I had left my phone in the "car cart" at WinCo but I headed back to the car to double check. Sigh. I sent my hubby a text message from my e-mail to alert him while I looked for the phone to the number we rarely used. Simultaneously, I was trying to get my lunch ready with te kids themselves chatting and finishing up lunch. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, repeatedly checking my e-mail, hoping David could call for me and/or tell me where my other phone was. Micah had slept in the care for a short time so he refused to nap, even after a "noble" attempt on my part. Thankfully, the kids played really well together while I finished up lunch and surrendered the phone search (mostly).
It was during this time that I realized my pain had truly returned and I was feeling like someone had knocked the wind out of me... yet again. There's another sigh. I tried my best to relax as long as I could before Micah warranted my attention and I discovered mess after mess Joy had made yet again in our little apartment. I was clearly frustrated at her horrible timing and at the fact that my daughter who had been doing so well was clearly acting out more than I wanted. Even though I sensed a little bit of why she was I was still frustrated as I tried to do as quick a fix to each of the situations before sitting down on the floor to play with my Micah for a bit. This seemed to work with him better than yesterday and I admit I was relieved he was acting more like himself than previous days this past week. I said a little "thank you" to my Jesus before praying for survival through the discomforts for the rest of the day.
Shortly after this, I was able to check my e-mail and discover quite the relief to myself. David had gotten my messages and had been called my the man who found my phone. He had taken my phone to customer service at WinCo and David had said he would grab it for me on his way home between jobs so I would not have to get out again feeling as I was. This was definitely good news (even though I despise my phone) as I need it more than I want to admit. My anxiety was still creeping back up as my kids' energy amped up near me. When David arrived home he decided to "Boo!" Micah Boo and ended up making me jump in the air. I cried. I fully cried and tried to run out of the room. Poor David. I was done. David did his best to give Micah the attention that he wanted as he got ready pretty hastily for his second job.
I hugged my hubby as he headed out the door again for a very long shift remembering he only had so many left at Wendy's and things would get better at home soon. I was happy that no more "super late nights turned early mornings" would be in our future after the next 1.5 weeks or so. I was still sad though as I dreaded these back-to-backs for us all. Missing daddy is hard on everyone, even daddy. After he left, I tried to focus on getting Joy her requested bath and both of the kids their dinner. This only worked so-so but at this point that is all I needed. I kept looking at the time, anticipating Micah's bedtime. He was doing pretty well but I was so worn and concerned about pain creeping back in that I knew him being in bed would benefit myself, his sister and him.
I finally decided to try and eat dinner and found myself feeding Micah parts of my own dinner to keep him happy. (Sound familiar?) My kids eat more than most adults I know ;) It sure seems that way some days at least. Shortly after, I put Micah down and was happily surprised he had cried himself to sleep again. We were definitely making much more progress lately in that arena and it wasn't taking nearly as long anymore. I tried to focus and chat with Joy, as I reminded her that she in fact would not be getting dessert due to disobeying and creating unnecessary messes today. She was frustrated and repeatedly tried to ask me but I finally convinced her to settle for a small snack so I could get my shower in and try and get more done so we could leave tomorrow shortly after my appointment.
Fortunately for me, tonight Joy hardly fought it. After my shower, Micah needed some cuddling. After he was back asleep, she gave in and decided not to fight me on sleep anymore and fell right to sleep. Here I was finally with time to myself. I was out of my normal coffee so I used a different one in my drink. BAD idea! It was so not the same. I wimpered.... again.... over coffee. More sigh... I gave in to the pain medication before it took me over instead and remembered I was planning on writing tonight, being real...
So now I am sitting here contemplating my day, whining to myself... both thankful and irritable about pain medication, glad to have found some Facebook support groups for infant/pregnancy loss but still pensive as they are new to me, excited and nervous for Joy to start school in ONLY 5 sleeps... still wiping my eyes as I have been ALL day (still not sure why) and thankful for so many precious friends. I am a bit of a wreck emotionally and physically today but am trodding on as usual. I love my Lord Jesus and know He is fully in control, especially of the finances, my health and our family's future (my biggest concerns as of late)!
Posting this one again... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjFbqg
That's all for now...
*Melis*
P.S. Hematology appointment tomorrow (finally)!!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Transitions, A Quick Update
Today, we went to "Meet the Teacher" at Joy's new school & (finally) officially got her registered. We are so excited for her. This school seems like just the right fit and are so relieved to see this all working out. Joy starts school in 5 sleeps! Its crazy! When did my little girl get old enough for school? Joy was such a happy girl, raving about her new friends and how excited she was. Tomorrow, I take the kids to visit family for a few days. Tomorrow, I finally see my hematologist for the first time since being hospitalized a little over a month ago. In less than 2 weeks, David will be done at Wendy's and working towards a "better life" for us. So many transitions and things going on at once! We are thrilled and nervous at the same time. We are so thankful for all of the prayers to this point and ongoing. I will still be on my blood thinner at least 5 more months and we still have a ways to go until David's schedule becomes a bit more consistent. I have had a handful of medium pain days. Today is a little higher than that but not horrible, just getting there. Looking forward to being near the beach for a few days, taking in that wonderful sea air. Glad to finally have a fully healthy family.
That's all for now...
*Melis*
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
God is good! God is good! God is good!!!
Completely drained today... I did NOT sleep well last night. I was in a moderate amount of pain but was able to manage it well enough. I spent a lot of time on Facebook in the wee hours of the morning looking through infant loss pages though. These ladies who do the work they do inspire me. I hope & pray I can find my own niche, my own way of giving back soon enough. I woke up and was still in moderate pain but at least can manage it with the help of the pain medication. Not in love with it but trying to be realistic and honest that I still do need them some. I am so worn though. It is hard facing reality sometimes, even a little bit. I am thankful to have my first hematology appointment Friday morning finally. I am also hankful David will be home at 9pm, not 3am!
On the other side of the news... David gave his 2 weeks notice to Wendy's last night! This is fantastic news for us. Long story short, the owner at Round Table made him a deal he could not resist ;) He will be working 60 hours a week between both Round Tables in town (instead of 70-80+ between both jobs). He will be learning the business backwards, forwards and all around. He will start training as a shift supervisor ASAP with a small raise. Overall, he will be netting about the same as before but there is a prayer this may help him down the road with all that he is learning. Plus, he has yet to experience any drama at Round Table. Also, his bosses at Round Table have followed through on everything they have said and promised and said to him. He will be home not much later than 11pm from now on with this change as well (instead of an average of 3am). He has been told they will give him as many Sundays off as possible so we can enjoy church, home group, after church events and more time as a family. We are ecstatic!
Please pray his bosses continue to follow through. We truly believe this may be the miracle-en-route we have been praying for six years for! We are in a place now potentially for more stability we hope in the next year or so. What great news amidst the tragedies and trials we have experienced so far this year. I am now convinced more than ever it was the right decision to declare this year our "Year of Faith." Hence why...
God is good! God is good! God is good!!!
That's all for now...
*Melis*
P.S. Was reminded of a song I used to listen to ALL of the time. Adding back to my playlist today because I am... so very BLESSED! http://w ww.youtube.com/watch?v=kQYVZHHbD40 Enjoy!
On the other side of the news... David gave his 2 weeks notice to Wendy's last night! This is fantastic news for us. Long story short, the owner at Round Table made him a deal he could not resist ;) He will be working 60 hours a week between both Round Tables in town (instead of 70-80+ between both jobs). He will be learning the business backwards, forwards and all around. He will start training as a shift supervisor ASAP with a small raise. Overall, he will be netting about the same as before but there is a prayer this may help him down the road with all that he is learning. Plus, he has yet to experience any drama at Round Table. Also, his bosses at Round Table have followed through on everything they have said and promised and said to him. He will be home not much later than 11pm from now on with this change as well (instead of an average of 3am). He has been told they will give him as many Sundays off as possible so we can enjoy church, home group, after church events and more time as a family. We are ecstatic!
Please pray his bosses continue to follow through. We truly believe this may be the miracle-en-route we have been praying for six years for! We are in a place now potentially for more stability we hope in the next year or so. What great news amidst the tragedies and trials we have experienced so far this year. I am now convinced more than ever it was the right decision to declare this year our "Year of Faith." Hence why...
God is good! God is good! God is good!!!
That's all for now...
*Melis*
P.S. Was reminded of a song I used to listen to ALL of the time. Adding back to my playlist today because I am... so very BLESSED! http://w ww.youtube.com/watch?v=kQYVZHHbD40 Enjoy!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
What a Day, What a Week, What a Year... What a Life?
A lot has been going on lately. And to to be honest, I have been doing a lot of whining. I realize that is a part of life. However, I don't want to blog while whining, for fear of saying something I cannot take back, of hurting someone else or putting forward a negative self. I believe in being honest but not hurtful to those who don't deserve it.
And on to this day... Today was the very 1st day since I was diagnosed with my PE that I actually felt like myself for a little while. I enjoyed a day where I went 19.5 hours between doses of pain meds. Its the longest I have gone and I honestly was feeling a bit better. I wasn't just trying to extend the time. It was so nice. When I finally took the pain meds tonight, I kind of smiled. I was able to go awhile between meds but I was also able to recognize when I needed them again and actually take them. Its moving forward for me physically and mentally, a little less stubborn... a little. Additionally, I got to go out with a friend and chat for a couple of hours. Since "me" time virtually does not exist anymore (and I am not complaining), it was a nice few hours.
And this week... Friday morning, I went in for a blood draw. My INR was still at 1.9 (just shy of my 2.0-3.0 they want). It had been at 1.9 Tuesday as well. So while I was happy it wasn't bouncing around, I was a little frustrated it hadn't moved up the 0.1 minimum it needed. Friday, I was also dealing with more pain than I had since practically leaving the hospital. Even though the doctor at my ER visit earlier on had confirmed pain was normal, this was so high and uncomfortable to me, I couldn't help but say something. When my clinical pharmacist called to give me the results of my INR, I let her know. She asked me to be seen if it or my breathing got worse. As far as I was concerned, it did. We waited until the morning as the pain was as under control as it could be. I went in to the ER around 9 am after not sleeping more than an hour or two all night. (Urgent Care doesn't take my medical coverage so the ER is usually my only option when things "pop up.") There was one person in front of me. Apparently, the quiet ER didn't last, as within 30 minutes of my arrival it was a zoo. I was in a bed in the hallway, not hooked up to anything, with no nurse in sight for almost an hour. I was peeved but realized the several kids that came in after me, as well as others I am sure seemed more important. At least I acted stable. And I had come in under a strong recommendation from my CP that I had emphasized to them. (Hey, sometimes I feel like a "crazy" person. I may have said she recommended it 5 or 6 or 7 times...)
The lady from the lab finally showed up to draw my blood and I spilled emotionally all over her. She was so sweet though and really listened to me. As she was walking away, the PA on duty came to talk to me. He quickly got my explanation (in which, since I felt rushed I missed giving him info) and told me he would be checking in with the doctor and come back. The nurse came by to let me know that I would be getting an x-ray soon. And I laid there. Eventually, I was taken for the chest x-ray and then I laid there some more. The PA came back and told me my INR was 2.2. I was definitely surprised but thrilled to hear it. He also told me that I had a pleural effusion. Apparently, during the last ER visit it had been discovered. I had not heard about it. Its a small fluid filled sac that is usually spottted before a diagnoses of PE is made. He said it had grown slightly but did not concern him. He also said everything else looked normal. When I inquired about the spreading pain I had, he told me it was normal as well. There was a chance I could have a second PE, but the meds I am on were about the max I could be on and would help me anyway. There was no need for a CT due to the "normality" of my symptoms. I was cleared to go with a refill on my pain meds (never thought I would need those ever in my lifetime). I was happy to be out of there at that point. Once discharged, we headed to pick up my prescriptions (incl. the Coumadin refill that had been made the day before) and headed home so David could go to work. We were bummed he couldn't be home since I was running on so little sleep and I felt crummy but it was life. He wasn't closing so at least I would see him that night.
Yesterday I woke up ready to go to my blood draw and panicked at the sight of blue-purple fingernails. It looked like ink and bruising. I was confused and ran to the sink to run them under water. This helped some, as all but the thumbs faded in color some. I couldn't get it out of my mind. I went to my friend's house for a play date after the draw and waited for the usual call in the evening regarding my INR. As 6 pm came and went, I finally called my CPs. Apparently she had called earlier and left a voice mail but it never showed up on my phone somehow. She had wanted me to know I didn't need a blood draw since the one Saturday was good. As it turns out it was 2.1 (still yay!).I told her about the fingers. She seemed puzzled and concerned. With my INR under control and my pain and breathing doing much better, it didn't add up. She said to only go to the ER if the pain got worse with the discoloration. She called in the a.m. today to check. I tried to make an appointment at my clinic but the only one available was the one with the PA we had previously met at the clinic who had not treated us too well and had not helped either. She asked me to come by and see her later so she get an idea. When we saw her, she said there didn't appear to be a reason for concern. (They had significantly improved by this point and were only slightly off.) She asked me to follow up with my preferred doctor at the clinic. She was actually able to make me an appointment for Friday just to make sure. This gave us some relief so I could get out and relax for a little this evening.
And a life... I'm gonna let you know. Today, I got a glimpse of me, the side of me that is happiest, "normal" (I hate that word.) The point is that I was reminded that things WILL get better with time. This really is a rocky, hilly road with peaks and valleys. That is okay. Today I smiled again and was reminded there is life after a pulmonary embolism. Eventually, it will get smaller and hopefully even disappear. I will never be the same but that is okay. God is good. He has taken care of me so far and he will continue to do so.
[You may have noticed I left out the "year" portion. I may be making progress BUT right now, I am not ready to go down that road. Any mention of the "baby" word reduces me into a puddle inside right now. I know I will readdress that at some point but honestly, I don't want to right now. Thank you all for continuing to read and pray. God is good and with Him and all of this fabulous support, I will make it through.]
That's all for now...
*Melis*
And on to this day... Today was the very 1st day since I was diagnosed with my PE that I actually felt like myself for a little while. I enjoyed a day where I went 19.5 hours between doses of pain meds. Its the longest I have gone and I honestly was feeling a bit better. I wasn't just trying to extend the time. It was so nice. When I finally took the pain meds tonight, I kind of smiled. I was able to go awhile between meds but I was also able to recognize when I needed them again and actually take them. Its moving forward for me physically and mentally, a little less stubborn... a little. Additionally, I got to go out with a friend and chat for a couple of hours. Since "me" time virtually does not exist anymore (and I am not complaining), it was a nice few hours.
And this week... Friday morning, I went in for a blood draw. My INR was still at 1.9 (just shy of my 2.0-3.0 they want). It had been at 1.9 Tuesday as well. So while I was happy it wasn't bouncing around, I was a little frustrated it hadn't moved up the 0.1 minimum it needed. Friday, I was also dealing with more pain than I had since practically leaving the hospital. Even though the doctor at my ER visit earlier on had confirmed pain was normal, this was so high and uncomfortable to me, I couldn't help but say something. When my clinical pharmacist called to give me the results of my INR, I let her know. She asked me to be seen if it or my breathing got worse. As far as I was concerned, it did. We waited until the morning as the pain was as under control as it could be. I went in to the ER around 9 am after not sleeping more than an hour or two all night. (Urgent Care doesn't take my medical coverage so the ER is usually my only option when things "pop up.") There was one person in front of me. Apparently, the quiet ER didn't last, as within 30 minutes of my arrival it was a zoo. I was in a bed in the hallway, not hooked up to anything, with no nurse in sight for almost an hour. I was peeved but realized the several kids that came in after me, as well as others I am sure seemed more important. At least I acted stable. And I had come in under a strong recommendation from my CP that I had emphasized to them. (Hey, sometimes I feel like a "crazy" person. I may have said she recommended it 5 or 6 or 7 times...)
The lady from the lab finally showed up to draw my blood and I spilled emotionally all over her. She was so sweet though and really listened to me. As she was walking away, the PA on duty came to talk to me. He quickly got my explanation (in which, since I felt rushed I missed giving him info) and told me he would be checking in with the doctor and come back. The nurse came by to let me know that I would be getting an x-ray soon. And I laid there. Eventually, I was taken for the chest x-ray and then I laid there some more. The PA came back and told me my INR was 2.2. I was definitely surprised but thrilled to hear it. He also told me that I had a pleural effusion. Apparently, during the last ER visit it had been discovered. I had not heard about it. Its a small fluid filled sac that is usually spottted before a diagnoses of PE is made. He said it had grown slightly but did not concern him. He also said everything else looked normal. When I inquired about the spreading pain I had, he told me it was normal as well. There was a chance I could have a second PE, but the meds I am on were about the max I could be on and would help me anyway. There was no need for a CT due to the "normality" of my symptoms. I was cleared to go with a refill on my pain meds (never thought I would need those ever in my lifetime). I was happy to be out of there at that point. Once discharged, we headed to pick up my prescriptions (incl. the Coumadin refill that had been made the day before) and headed home so David could go to work. We were bummed he couldn't be home since I was running on so little sleep and I felt crummy but it was life. He wasn't closing so at least I would see him that night.
Yesterday I woke up ready to go to my blood draw and panicked at the sight of blue-purple fingernails. It looked like ink and bruising. I was confused and ran to the sink to run them under water. This helped some, as all but the thumbs faded in color some. I couldn't get it out of my mind. I went to my friend's house for a play date after the draw and waited for the usual call in the evening regarding my INR. As 6 pm came and went, I finally called my CPs. Apparently she had called earlier and left a voice mail but it never showed up on my phone somehow. She had wanted me to know I didn't need a blood draw since the one Saturday was good. As it turns out it was 2.1 (still yay!).I told her about the fingers. She seemed puzzled and concerned. With my INR under control and my pain and breathing doing much better, it didn't add up. She said to only go to the ER if the pain got worse with the discoloration. She called in the a.m. today to check. I tried to make an appointment at my clinic but the only one available was the one with the PA we had previously met at the clinic who had not treated us too well and had not helped either. She asked me to come by and see her later so she get an idea. When we saw her, she said there didn't appear to be a reason for concern. (They had significantly improved by this point and were only slightly off.) She asked me to follow up with my preferred doctor at the clinic. She was actually able to make me an appointment for Friday just to make sure. This gave us some relief so I could get out and relax for a little this evening.
And a life... I'm gonna let you know. Today, I got a glimpse of me, the side of me that is happiest, "normal" (I hate that word.) The point is that I was reminded that things WILL get better with time. This really is a rocky, hilly road with peaks and valleys. That is okay. Today I smiled again and was reminded there is life after a pulmonary embolism. Eventually, it will get smaller and hopefully even disappear. I will never be the same but that is okay. God is good. He has taken care of me so far and he will continue to do so.
[You may have noticed I left out the "year" portion. I may be making progress BUT right now, I am not ready to go down that road. Any mention of the "baby" word reduces me into a puddle inside right now. I know I will readdress that at some point but honestly, I don't want to right now. Thank you all for continuing to read and pray. God is good and with Him and all of this fabulous support, I will make it through.]
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Friday, August 16, 2013
Because life continues on anyway...
(I heard this song on my way home this morning.) Pray! Love this one. So appropriate and what perfect timing! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrQHNQ0hwQE
For those of you who didn't realize, when I had my D&C, Joy was enjoying a week with my parents, attending the preschool VBS at their church. She came back with a cold she was getting over. Five days later, when I was admitted with the pulmonary embolism she was acting much better but David noted Micah was stuffed up. When my parents arrived to pick them up two days later, we let them know. Midweek I heard noises made about possible pink eye. When I was released, we gave my parents Micah's medical info if needed. Upon arrival home two days later, David promptly took Micah to get checked out. They prescribed antibiotics for pink eye and an ear infection. After the expected week and a half he seemed to be doing better for a bit. Unfortunately, after 1-2 days of whining (Micah is not an excessive whiner or crier and has never been.) and a mysterious rash, I had had it. I called David at work and shared my concerns at him seeming worse instead of better. (He didn't even whine much when he was sick.) David was able to get coverage at work for a few hours and took Micah to get checked out so I could allow Joy to go to bed. Results? He has an infection caused by the antibiotics. Yep, he gets to be one of those "fortunate" ones who will have to keep an eye out for side effects such as this from antibiotics. And he's the kid who gets just about everything, or at least a lot more of the bugs than his sister (who very infrequently gets sick).
All of this to say, life goes on. What I am dealing with is serious AND important. However, my kids will still get sick. My husband will still have to go to work and deal with his back issues; he will get sick at times as well. Joy will start school soon and we will have to take care of her lunch, her homework, getting her there and home, as well as to dance. We will always have expenses, whether it be for school, extra curriculars, food, medicine, the dog, toiletries, bills etc. (You get it, right?) Life goes on. I have to learn the balance now of not just "regular" life. (Does it even exist?) I have to try and incorporate this new part of my life that will now be considered normal. I have to take care to remember my medicine daily. I have to do my blood draws as requested (which hopefully will start to get less frequent as my INR becomes and stays therapeutic). I have to make and keep all appointments with my hematologist primarily, as well as with my OB and GP as needed, as well as any others I may be asked to see (not sure yet if I will be). I have to keep an eye on every bump, bruise and bleed. I have to report anything of significance to my Clinical Pharmacist. (She oversees my INR and instructs me on what dose of Coumadin to take.)
But... life goes on. I woke up today in immense pain. I am pretty sure the pain was there last night but I was overtired so my body didn't connect the dots to take pain relief earlier. I am fatigued. I went out to do my blood draw and I got coffee. I plan to stay home the rest of the day. My pain meds are running low so I had to put in a request yesterday to get more. Unfortunately, they said I shouldn't anticipate them before Tuesday. Judging on my current pain level, they will likely run out tomorrow. Sigh. Oh yeah, and Micah still is whiny and sad and hurting and itching... Remember?
I feel this Serenity Prayer is appropriate. Insert here... literally.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Win! I Got Out of Bed Today...
When I started blogging, my intention was always to be honest, to be open, transparent. I don't lie. However, some posts come a little slower as I process what I am going through, what has happened, how in detail I want to go... you get it, yes?
Honest to goodness truth? Life has been HARD! Emotionally, I haven't gone a day without some crying for about 4 days straight now. At first, this concerned me. I really don't want to feel broken emotionally. Physically, I have already been on a roller coaster with everything I have been dealing with in recovering from the clot in my lungs. I am an extrovert so generally talking helps me feel better. No joke... most people I can only talk to for a limited time with. Most people I don't want to cry in front of; I don't want to break. I don't want to be seen that deeply... yet. Fortunately this morning I was able to spend some time with a close friend. She encouraged me to let the feelings, the unsettledness, the tears... all of it -- let it flow!
Here I am still struggling to commit to taking enough pain medication and I need to let me feelings out too? I want to resist so badly but then when I let it happen, when I let myself start to process things, I have moments of hope, just as with being in less pain -- I have moments of calm, of energy. So, when you ask me how I am feeling now? I will tell you. I am managing. Each day I get out of bed, get dressed, usually leave the house at least once, make sure my children don't starve, put them to bed. You get it, yes?
I love my Lord, my family, my friends but some days are just that HARD. Unfortunately, I have hit a whole slough of them! Today, I have decided to let it flow, to take my pain meds when I need them, not 2 hours later. I am choosing to do MY best to take care of myself (and boy is that harder than I ever imagined) and "heal" so I can be better for my family and others around me.
So no, I am not doing great. I am doing okay though. I am alive. I get out of bed and smile at least once a day. I adore my husband more than I ever have before. I treasure the miracles my children are and spend more time with Joy on PURPOSE than I can ever remember. I KNOW God is in control. He has taken care of us for so long, I know He won't stop now. He just won't. I know that and am confident in that.
So pray for me. Pray that I can find 2 reasons to smile each day, that I won't EVER forget how phenomenal it is that God physically SAVED my life, that I will start to feel better again soon enough, that God will heal my heart, that I will be able to use this piece of life as a blessing, a testimony at some point, that I will find some peace in knowing that the Factor V Leiden has given us hope for having children down the line, that I won't EVER forget how deep and wide our God's LOVE is...
Thank you all. This is me right now. I know God is working in me and I know things WILL get better. Sometimes its harder to remember than other times but I do know and BELIEVE it.
God Bless,
*Melis*
Honest to goodness truth? Life has been HARD! Emotionally, I haven't gone a day without some crying for about 4 days straight now. At first, this concerned me. I really don't want to feel broken emotionally. Physically, I have already been on a roller coaster with everything I have been dealing with in recovering from the clot in my lungs. I am an extrovert so generally talking helps me feel better. No joke... most people I can only talk to for a limited time with. Most people I don't want to cry in front of; I don't want to break. I don't want to be seen that deeply... yet. Fortunately this morning I was able to spend some time with a close friend. She encouraged me to let the feelings, the unsettledness, the tears... all of it -- let it flow!
Here I am still struggling to commit to taking enough pain medication and I need to let me feelings out too? I want to resist so badly but then when I let it happen, when I let myself start to process things, I have moments of hope, just as with being in less pain -- I have moments of calm, of energy. So, when you ask me how I am feeling now? I will tell you. I am managing. Each day I get out of bed, get dressed, usually leave the house at least once, make sure my children don't starve, put them to bed. You get it, yes?
I love my Lord, my family, my friends but some days are just that HARD. Unfortunately, I have hit a whole slough of them! Today, I have decided to let it flow, to take my pain meds when I need them, not 2 hours later. I am choosing to do MY best to take care of myself (and boy is that harder than I ever imagined) and "heal" so I can be better for my family and others around me.
So no, I am not doing great. I am doing okay though. I am alive. I get out of bed and smile at least once a day. I adore my husband more than I ever have before. I treasure the miracles my children are and spend more time with Joy on PURPOSE than I can ever remember. I KNOW God is in control. He has taken care of us for so long, I know He won't stop now. He just won't. I know that and am confident in that.
So pray for me. Pray that I can find 2 reasons to smile each day, that I won't EVER forget how phenomenal it is that God physically SAVED my life, that I will start to feel better again soon enough, that God will heal my heart, that I will be able to use this piece of life as a blessing, a testimony at some point, that I will find some peace in knowing that the Factor V Leiden has given us hope for having children down the line, that I won't EVER forget how deep and wide our God's LOVE is...
Thank you all. This is me right now. I know God is working in me and I know things WILL get better. Sometimes its harder to remember than other times but I do know and BELIEVE it.
God Bless,
*Melis*
Monday, August 12, 2013
Factor V - The Latest Diagnosis
Many of you may remember me mentioning not too long ago that I had come into some information recently that has helped. In fact this information was briefly given to me in the hospital but I didn't realize its significance at the time or really what it is at all!
While still admitted, my hematologist came in for his normal daily visit. He let me know at the time that I tested positive for Factor V (5). I looked at him puzzled. My understanding at this point is that he said it essentially confirmed what we already knew. I had a DVT (blood clot in my leg, deep vein thrombosis) and it traveled to my lung, creating a PE (blood clot in lung, pulmonary embolism). Now, one of the things I have recently prided myself in is that I ask questions whenever I have them or am confused. However, also please keep in mind that while in the hospital, I was usually on some kind(s) of pain medication, as well as on the IV blood thinner, heparin, while taking Coumadin (my oral blood thinner) among other things as needed. I was constantly having my vitals checked and was being monitored as everything leveled out. In other words, FOG. I was out of it... pretty much the whole time. Hence, why I stared at him and nodded as he left.
Shortly after being released, an old mentor and friend (also a nurse) asked about something called Factor V Leiden. I brushed it off as my hematologist had also noted he was running another test (not sure which one) that should give us information on the origins of my forming clot the day I was released. I wasn't ready to talk openly about future conceiving and whether or not any of this had to do with my miscarriages this year. However, after about a week or so, it started eating away at me. So, I looked it up only to find out there is Factor V and Factor V Leiden, the gene mutation. I read up on it before remembering that my hospital keeps some records online. After finally recovering my sign-in information, I logged on and started looking around. And there it was...
Factor V Leiden... Diagnosis. Now, don't get me wrong. I am no doctor, nurse, EMT etc... but from what I can tell, this is a very important part of my diagnosis. David and I still want kids. We have two beautiful children with whom I never worried during pregnancy about because everything went so well. my ONLY miscarriages have been this year, both recent, both early in the 2nd trimester, a.k.a. LATE miscarriages. RARE! I was a little peeved I wasn't given info (that I know of). Here's a little (as I understand it).
~ Factor V is a protein that helps form blood clots. When the clot is appropriate, Protein C comes along and tells it to stop.
~ Some of us have a gene mutation, called Factor V Leiden that is resistant to Protein C. What this means is it takes longer to stop the clotting, sometimes creating a larger clot that can be life-threatening. However, in those of us who have the heterozygous version (inheriting from only one parent), most never get one. (I did!)
~ Those with recurrent miscarriages/losses in pregnancy are often suggested to get tested for clotting disorders and there is an increase in clotting in pregnancy. (In my case, the PE developed, prompting the tests, incl. this one.)
~ Those with the Facotr V Leiden gene mutation that have PEs or DVTs are generally considered high risk in future pregnancies and can help prevent future miscarriages with Lovenox. (Remember those injections I had for the first week?) Lovenox does not cross the placenta so it is safe (instead of Coumadin/Warfarin) in pregnancy.
So, what does this mean for me?
While there is not a guarantee based just on this diagnosis, it is highly likely and suspected that Factor V Leiden played a role in my miscarriages, not only role but likely caused them. There may be more info to all of this as my hematologist is running further tests during and after me being on the Coumadin. Keep in mind how rare back-to-back 2nd trimester miscarriages are (or so I am told by nurses and my doctors). Also, keep in mind that the risk of developing a DVT in pregnancy increases 7-fold with Factor V Leiden.
A little more info...
About 1 in 1,000 people with develop a DVT or PE in a year. However, the odds for someone in their twenties are 1 in 10,000. (I am 28.) WHAT?!
The good news...
Prayerfully, we want to try again down the line for more children. Now that we have at least one piece of the puzzle figured out, my OB confidently says using at least the Lovenox will make this dream much more likely. We have no fertility issues as far as getting pregnant.
The miraculous news...
As far as David & I are concerned, Joy and Micah are BOTH miracles!! The genetic mutation doesn't always kick in and cause issues. It did but not until recently. Joy & Micah were already blessings but now we realize how fortunate we are to have them both here. I had practically flawless pregnancies and deliveries with them before we ever found out about any of this.
Future pregnancies (prayerfully) will be approached much more cautiously and differently and we feel blessed to have any info at all. I would not be surprised if we find out more from other tests as well. Or, it might be that the rest of the year is fairly uneventful. I have met many women who have no real answers to why they miscarried or were as fortunate as I was to get a PE diagnosed so soon! God has literally saved me!
~ Side note: Forgive any weird breaks or confusion in this one. I am still learning about it and how to explain it. I have also had a pretty rough day physically and am in the process of getting the kiddos ready for and into bed here shortly and it is not going well. Planning on taking pain medication soon as well. ~
I hope this helps some for those of you following our story. We are not trying to conceive for at least 6 months during my initial recovery of the P.E. From there it will depend and we hope to just follow God's Will as best as we can. I am thrilled for what may be but am truly so focused on my 2 beautiful blessings of children, as well as the life God wants me to have. I can only imagine what the future holds.
Have a beautiful evening,
That's all for now...
*Melis*
While still admitted, my hematologist came in for his normal daily visit. He let me know at the time that I tested positive for Factor V (5). I looked at him puzzled. My understanding at this point is that he said it essentially confirmed what we already knew. I had a DVT (blood clot in my leg, deep vein thrombosis) and it traveled to my lung, creating a PE (blood clot in lung, pulmonary embolism). Now, one of the things I have recently prided myself in is that I ask questions whenever I have them or am confused. However, also please keep in mind that while in the hospital, I was usually on some kind(s) of pain medication, as well as on the IV blood thinner, heparin, while taking Coumadin (my oral blood thinner) among other things as needed. I was constantly having my vitals checked and was being monitored as everything leveled out. In other words, FOG. I was out of it... pretty much the whole time. Hence, why I stared at him and nodded as he left.
Shortly after being released, an old mentor and friend (also a nurse) asked about something called Factor V Leiden. I brushed it off as my hematologist had also noted he was running another test (not sure which one) that should give us information on the origins of my forming clot the day I was released. I wasn't ready to talk openly about future conceiving and whether or not any of this had to do with my miscarriages this year. However, after about a week or so, it started eating away at me. So, I looked it up only to find out there is Factor V and Factor V Leiden, the gene mutation. I read up on it before remembering that my hospital keeps some records online. After finally recovering my sign-in information, I logged on and started looking around. And there it was...
Factor V Leiden... Diagnosis. Now, don't get me wrong. I am no doctor, nurse, EMT etc... but from what I can tell, this is a very important part of my diagnosis. David and I still want kids. We have two beautiful children with whom I never worried during pregnancy about because everything went so well. my ONLY miscarriages have been this year, both recent, both early in the 2nd trimester, a.k.a. LATE miscarriages. RARE! I was a little peeved I wasn't given info (that I know of). Here's a little (as I understand it).
~ Factor V is a protein that helps form blood clots. When the clot is appropriate, Protein C comes along and tells it to stop.
~ Some of us have a gene mutation, called Factor V Leiden that is resistant to Protein C. What this means is it takes longer to stop the clotting, sometimes creating a larger clot that can be life-threatening. However, in those of us who have the heterozygous version (inheriting from only one parent), most never get one. (I did!)
~ Those with recurrent miscarriages/losses in pregnancy are often suggested to get tested for clotting disorders and there is an increase in clotting in pregnancy. (In my case, the PE developed, prompting the tests, incl. this one.)
~ Those with the Facotr V Leiden gene mutation that have PEs or DVTs are generally considered high risk in future pregnancies and can help prevent future miscarriages with Lovenox. (Remember those injections I had for the first week?) Lovenox does not cross the placenta so it is safe (instead of Coumadin/Warfarin) in pregnancy.
So, what does this mean for me?
While there is not a guarantee based just on this diagnosis, it is highly likely and suspected that Factor V Leiden played a role in my miscarriages, not only role but likely caused them. There may be more info to all of this as my hematologist is running further tests during and after me being on the Coumadin. Keep in mind how rare back-to-back 2nd trimester miscarriages are (or so I am told by nurses and my doctors). Also, keep in mind that the risk of developing a DVT in pregnancy increases 7-fold with Factor V Leiden.
A little more info...
About 1 in 1,000 people with develop a DVT or PE in a year. However, the odds for someone in their twenties are 1 in 10,000. (I am 28.) WHAT?!
The good news...
Prayerfully, we want to try again down the line for more children. Now that we have at least one piece of the puzzle figured out, my OB confidently says using at least the Lovenox will make this dream much more likely. We have no fertility issues as far as getting pregnant.
The miraculous news...
As far as David & I are concerned, Joy and Micah are BOTH miracles!! The genetic mutation doesn't always kick in and cause issues. It did but not until recently. Joy & Micah were already blessings but now we realize how fortunate we are to have them both here. I had practically flawless pregnancies and deliveries with them before we ever found out about any of this.
Future pregnancies (prayerfully) will be approached much more cautiously and differently and we feel blessed to have any info at all. I would not be surprised if we find out more from other tests as well. Or, it might be that the rest of the year is fairly uneventful. I have met many women who have no real answers to why they miscarried or were as fortunate as I was to get a PE diagnosed so soon! God has literally saved me!
~ Side note: Forgive any weird breaks or confusion in this one. I am still learning about it and how to explain it. I have also had a pretty rough day physically and am in the process of getting the kiddos ready for and into bed here shortly and it is not going well. Planning on taking pain medication soon as well. ~
I hope this helps some for those of you following our story. We are not trying to conceive for at least 6 months during my initial recovery of the P.E. From there it will depend and we hope to just follow God's Will as best as we can. I am thrilled for what may be but am truly so focused on my 2 beautiful blessings of children, as well as the life God wants me to have. I can only imagine what the future holds.
Have a beautiful evening,
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Right Here, Right Now...
Some days I just don't want to talk about it. I don't want to face it. I want to crawl back into bed and fall asleep and hope when I wake up, I will be back to the "me" I knew prior to this nightmare, or what feels like it some days.
Today is rough physically. I wish I had a better name but I just call them "ill" days. I wake up, try to get on my way, get things done etc but let's be honest, I know from the get-go physically I will likely struggle some... whether it be to get motivated, move without pain etc. You get what I mean? We all have days like those anyway. I still have trouble accepting it sometimes. Today, I woke up with pain in my back and took pain medication. While I can say most days I don't need them as often, I still need them. And today, I don't want that to be the case. It helped after resting a little longer and settling in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrQHNQ0hwQE
So, I decided to run a quick errand with Joy, knowing likely one was all I could do. I settled on the place with the coffee, even though it meant a few of the forgotten groceries would cost more. At least all of them were there. My shoulder hurt when I wore my purse. My body felt fatigued. I just wanted to go home. Fortunately for me, I had my spunky, energetic & positively sweet girl, Joy with me. It makes all of the difference on a day like today.
Did I mention how amazing my Joy Joy is? I mean she is my daughter. Lately though, she is the mature, big girl who loves on me constantly, plays well with her brother and is just the biggest helper. I can't even begin to tell you what wonderful timing this is. Seriously! I can tell this IS her, not just a short-lived stage. I adore her so much already but I love how God is bringing the wonderful parts of her growing right, smack in front of my face :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj05-J9z4TY
When I arrived home today, I informed David of how I was feeling and he gave me a hug and agreed I could crawl into bed and veg/work on so, me things. At this point the pain was still somewhat of an issue but I knew that if I could prop myself up in bed, I could still sit down and do some things. I was right and glad David didn't mind. As David worked on lunch, the kiddos happily played. I took a break and called my Mommy. David popped in hoping to get help with a diaper. Realizing I was on the phone, he managed to take care of the diaper and lunch and continue to keep sanity in the house.
How amazing is my husband? He never once tried to guilt trip me. He never once growled or hissed or got outwardly annoyed. When I got off the phone, I went to check on things and Micah was in his bed working on wearing himself out, David will finishing up lunch and Joy was happily hanging out near her Daddy. I told him I wanted to check to make sure he was okay since I had been on the phone when he walked in and he replied he was. I then asked if he would bring the lunch when he was done, knowing this was not ideal. I was still quite uncomfortable physically so he agreed. Wow! I know I have an amazing husband but I continue to be reminded of how blessed I truly am by the man he is. I am thankful God has helped us to grow closer, rather than further during all of these stressful, traumatic times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECGZz5ScfL8
So, where am I now? Yes, I am worn, tired, exhausted and SLOWLY healing. Yesterday was an emotional day for both David and I as we faced the reality of losing another baby, a surgery and a diagnosis that is not common for my age and general lifestyle. We loved being at church surrounded by our church family but that in and of itself was a reminder. Yesterday marked exactly 2 weeks since being admitted to the hospital for a Pulmonary Embolism, something I will be living with for sometime and will likely affect me for quite awhile down the road.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsjZ94K7UQs
Again, thank you all for the continual prayers and support. I genuinely do see an up-swing happening lately and am so thankful as I am able to do more physically and have been able to process more lately in the emotional realm of things. David and I know without God, without all of the support and prayer we would not be able to do as well as we actually are. As usual, I will say we still have more ahead I am sure. I am slowly learning to become more content with where God has us and prayerful of where He is leading up. My hopes for the future are much the same, just more fervent. However, I am also just thankful to be ALIVE! Praise God! Here's one more to leave you with. You'll really like this one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP73T3Pv6Wg
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Today is rough physically. I wish I had a better name but I just call them "ill" days. I wake up, try to get on my way, get things done etc but let's be honest, I know from the get-go physically I will likely struggle some... whether it be to get motivated, move without pain etc. You get what I mean? We all have days like those anyway. I still have trouble accepting it sometimes. Today, I woke up with pain in my back and took pain medication. While I can say most days I don't need them as often, I still need them. And today, I don't want that to be the case. It helped after resting a little longer and settling in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrQHNQ0hwQE
So, I decided to run a quick errand with Joy, knowing likely one was all I could do. I settled on the place with the coffee, even though it meant a few of the forgotten groceries would cost more. At least all of them were there. My shoulder hurt when I wore my purse. My body felt fatigued. I just wanted to go home. Fortunately for me, I had my spunky, energetic & positively sweet girl, Joy with me. It makes all of the difference on a day like today.
Did I mention how amazing my Joy Joy is? I mean she is my daughter. Lately though, she is the mature, big girl who loves on me constantly, plays well with her brother and is just the biggest helper. I can't even begin to tell you what wonderful timing this is. Seriously! I can tell this IS her, not just a short-lived stage. I adore her so much already but I love how God is bringing the wonderful parts of her growing right, smack in front of my face :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj05-J9z4TY
When I arrived home today, I informed David of how I was feeling and he gave me a hug and agreed I could crawl into bed and veg/work on so, me things. At this point the pain was still somewhat of an issue but I knew that if I could prop myself up in bed, I could still sit down and do some things. I was right and glad David didn't mind. As David worked on lunch, the kiddos happily played. I took a break and called my Mommy. David popped in hoping to get help with a diaper. Realizing I was on the phone, he managed to take care of the diaper and lunch and continue to keep sanity in the house.
How amazing is my husband? He never once tried to guilt trip me. He never once growled or hissed or got outwardly annoyed. When I got off the phone, I went to check on things and Micah was in his bed working on wearing himself out, David will finishing up lunch and Joy was happily hanging out near her Daddy. I told him I wanted to check to make sure he was okay since I had been on the phone when he walked in and he replied he was. I then asked if he would bring the lunch when he was done, knowing this was not ideal. I was still quite uncomfortable physically so he agreed. Wow! I know I have an amazing husband but I continue to be reminded of how blessed I truly am by the man he is. I am thankful God has helped us to grow closer, rather than further during all of these stressful, traumatic times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECGZz5ScfL8
So, where am I now? Yes, I am worn, tired, exhausted and SLOWLY healing. Yesterday was an emotional day for both David and I as we faced the reality of losing another baby, a surgery and a diagnosis that is not common for my age and general lifestyle. We loved being at church surrounded by our church family but that in and of itself was a reminder. Yesterday marked exactly 2 weeks since being admitted to the hospital for a Pulmonary Embolism, something I will be living with for sometime and will likely affect me for quite awhile down the road.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsjZ94K7UQs
Again, thank you all for the continual prayers and support. I genuinely do see an up-swing happening lately and am so thankful as I am able to do more physically and have been able to process more lately in the emotional realm of things. David and I know without God, without all of the support and prayer we would not be able to do as well as we actually are. As usual, I will say we still have more ahead I am sure. I am slowly learning to become more content with where God has us and prayerful of where He is leading up. My hopes for the future are much the same, just more fervent. However, I am also just thankful to be ALIVE! Praise God! Here's one more to leave you with. You'll really like this one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP73T3Pv6Wg
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Oh, Happy Day!
I woke up this morning completely exhausted but so looking forward to it. We got to walk through Joy's soon-to-be-school first (we hope). Afterwards, we grabbed breakfast for the kids and headed to Capitola. We dropped them off with Nana & Poppy and got to have a date! We celebrated our anniversary with a nice, relaxed pace (its the only way right now). We had pizza at Tony & Alba's. (Oh, how I have missed this pizza!) We walked through a salvage place for fun for David. Then we went to the mall nearby to peruse and walk around. I just loved being attached to my David, holding his hand and leaning on him today. We went to surprise my Grandma briefly before picking up our kiddos. (She was happy to see me after these crazy few weeks.) We found out she was still going to be around for the evening so we grabbed the kids and came back for dinner with her and some nice time chatting and watching the kids play. We headed out, made a few stops along the way and arrived home a little while ago. All in all, it was a wonderful day, filled with fun, relaxation and no worries for once. I feel so blessed and adore my family. Thank you, Jesus.
Tomorrow we get to go to church! It's about stinkin' time. I have missed my church family so much!
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Tomorrow we get to go to church! It's about stinkin' time. I have missed my church family so much!
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Friday, August 9, 2013
Am I For Real?
Yesterday, I had someone ask me that. I was kind of surprised, seeing as I strive to be as transparent as possible. Do you think I am open, honest... do you think I hide a lot? Lie? Here's my take...
When I decided to get this blog going finally, it was inspired and for the purpose of letting others know about our miscarriage, my heart and where it stood throughout it and following and to eventually spill we were pregnant again with our Rainbow Baby.
Guess what? God had other plans. We again miscarried (as you all know) and I had a D&C on July 23 of this year, just after 15 weeks. Both losses were in the 2nd trimester so my doctor wanted to order genetic testing at my follow up. That didn't happen. Instead, I was admitted 5 days later, on our 6th wedding anniversary for a pulmonary embolism, a really large blood clot in my lungs. David and I were both shocked and it sent ripples through some of the family, as well as friends as prayers were offered up all over and we received more offers for help than we physically needed.
I didn't see it coming but as I promised early on, I strive to be open and now was not the time to clam up. So what is my take on all of this? I am me. Huh? Well, I have always considered myself pretty open (as well as extremely talkative- lol). For me, it has always been important to do a few things...
1. Share what is on my heart
2. Use tact.
3. Keep others informed (I try) so they are less likely to get lost in all of the craziness.
4. Give God the glory.
The last one is key. I think when talking to this person I wanted to narrow in on it. Yes, life is hard. Would I prefer to be completely healthy? Most days. yes. But, God has a plan in this. I am completely confident in that. I have NO IDEA what plans He has but I know they exist and slandering people and screaming just isn't me as far as I am concerned. So reality check... last night as I finally drifted off to sleep, I said something like the following to my husband, " I am so angry. I am so angry. Why me? Why us?"
Does this help? It happens but I, like most of you have private moments and moments I need to work through before sharing. I hope you still see me as real and open. If you ever have a question, message me on FB, text me, call me or e-mail me. Chances are I will answer it. It may not show up on this blog now or ever for that matter but you will probably get the best answer I can give you. Just last night, I reviewed my medical file online to double check some things and realized what I had misunderstood in the hospital when on all of those medicines. I will be sharing that soon. And it is scary, concerning and makes life real but it helps as well, as it dons light on to what is wrong and how to manage life moving forward.
I appreciate all of you who are taking the time to read any of my blogs. Ultimately, this really all for the glory of God. Later gators!
*Melis*
When I decided to get this blog going finally, it was inspired and for the purpose of letting others know about our miscarriage, my heart and where it stood throughout it and following and to eventually spill we were pregnant again with our Rainbow Baby.
Guess what? God had other plans. We again miscarried (as you all know) and I had a D&C on July 23 of this year, just after 15 weeks. Both losses were in the 2nd trimester so my doctor wanted to order genetic testing at my follow up. That didn't happen. Instead, I was admitted 5 days later, on our 6th wedding anniversary for a pulmonary embolism, a really large blood clot in my lungs. David and I were both shocked and it sent ripples through some of the family, as well as friends as prayers were offered up all over and we received more offers for help than we physically needed.
I didn't see it coming but as I promised early on, I strive to be open and now was not the time to clam up. So what is my take on all of this? I am me. Huh? Well, I have always considered myself pretty open (as well as extremely talkative- lol). For me, it has always been important to do a few things...
1. Share what is on my heart
2. Use tact.
3. Keep others informed (I try) so they are less likely to get lost in all of the craziness.
4. Give God the glory.
The last one is key. I think when talking to this person I wanted to narrow in on it. Yes, life is hard. Would I prefer to be completely healthy? Most days. yes. But, God has a plan in this. I am completely confident in that. I have NO IDEA what plans He has but I know they exist and slandering people and screaming just isn't me as far as I am concerned. So reality check... last night as I finally drifted off to sleep, I said something like the following to my husband, " I am so angry. I am so angry. Why me? Why us?"
Does this help? It happens but I, like most of you have private moments and moments I need to work through before sharing. I hope you still see me as real and open. If you ever have a question, message me on FB, text me, call me or e-mail me. Chances are I will answer it. It may not show up on this blog now or ever for that matter but you will probably get the best answer I can give you. Just last night, I reviewed my medical file online to double check some things and realized what I had misunderstood in the hospital when on all of those medicines. I will be sharing that soon. And it is scary, concerning and makes life real but it helps as well, as it dons light on to what is wrong and how to manage life moving forward.
I appreciate all of you who are taking the time to read any of my blogs. Ultimately, this really all for the glory of God. Later gators!
*Melis*
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Still going...
So, yesterday I went in for my blood draw. My INR is up to 3.0. Here's the thing: It is still therapeutic (good) but its on the high end and it went up an entire point in 2 days (whereas it took a week or more before). I was taken off of the injections (yay). I was asked to skip my dose of warfarin last night and am taking the normal on today. Tomorrow, I was asked to do another blood draw to make sure my INR doesn't jump up any higher. (2.0-3.0 is the only range mine should be in.)
The reason I have struggled to blog the past few days is because emotionally things have been much harder lately. I followed some advice to stay on my pain meds pretty consistently so I wouldn't "crash" or have trouble fixing the pain. It is hard for me to accept this. As I have started to manage my pain though, I am seeing life a little differently and am more aware of my surroundings, hence been smacked in the face not only with all of the things we need to do outside of my condition but with the fact that I did actually miscarry twice this year, have a D&C and then a pulmonary embolism and infarction (dead tissue, still learning here). I am making strides forward but I am very up and down in this stage with emotions and physical improvements some days. It is very much a roller coaster. I also have had a pretty elevated heart rate which ups my anxiety I believe. I am praying that we can figure out the best way to manage this and see if there is anything else influencing it.
Well, Micah is up from his nap. I gotta run. Hope this helps you all for now.
God Bless,
Melis
The reason I have struggled to blog the past few days is because emotionally things have been much harder lately. I followed some advice to stay on my pain meds pretty consistently so I wouldn't "crash" or have trouble fixing the pain. It is hard for me to accept this. As I have started to manage my pain though, I am seeing life a little differently and am more aware of my surroundings, hence been smacked in the face not only with all of the things we need to do outside of my condition but with the fact that I did actually miscarry twice this year, have a D&C and then a pulmonary embolism and infarction (dead tissue, still learning here). I am making strides forward but I am very up and down in this stage with emotions and physical improvements some days. It is very much a roller coaster. I also have had a pretty elevated heart rate which ups my anxiety I believe. I am praying that we can figure out the best way to manage this and see if there is anything else influencing it.
Well, Micah is up from his nap. I gotta run. Hope this helps you all for now.
God Bless,
Melis
Monday, August 5, 2013
Clarity & Follow up
I briefly messaged back and forth with some people and realized my last blog post left out a few key things.
Yes, I did get released from the ER this morning.
Yes, my INR is in the therapeutic range (this is good) and if my Wednesday blood draw shows this as well, I get to come off of the shots/injections :-) It was at 1.4 when I left the hospital Thursday, at 1.3 Friday at home and then at 2.0 today. (2.0-3.0 is where I need to be during this time in my life.)
They ran an extra CT scan because of my pain levels getting worse, despite the improvement in INR. It shows my large clot already getting smaller. (Yes!) This is extra piece of mind for myself.
The down side... Unlike what my doctor at the hospital originally said, pain is NORMAL! In fact, it makes a lot of sense. The clot creates a blockage. It is an injury, and a pretty significant one at that. Initially, pain is part of the healing process and unfortunately for me, the pain meds I am allowed to be on will not always feel like they are working due to the severity of the pain.
Today was easily one of the worst days on record. When I returned home, I had not slept a wink all night. David put Micah back to bed, Joy cuddled up in front of kids shows on Netflix next to me and I slept for about 1-1.5 hours. From there on out, I was in and out and had very little energy. I felt beyond zapped. (I don't even know how to explain the kind of exhaustion I have been feeling.) It was even worse than most days in the hospital. I was on pain meds almost the entire day (which I do not like to be). Micah and Joy were amazing and surprisingly patient with me. And fortunately, David had a rare night off. He had a moment walking in to our room finding all 3 of us asleep on our bed.
I hope this helps clarify any confusion. I look forward to feeling like "myself" again when I get there. Thank you all again for all of the help and prayers. We still have a pretty extensive road ahead of us that isn't completely clear. I meet with my OB tomorrow to discuss post D&C and how to proceed with the blood clot involved now. I am still trying to understand all of the emotions I have been having and trying to process them. And even though it is not his fault, I admit I am sometimes very irritated and frustrated at my OB.
Its August 5th! I can't even believe what a year it has already been. Micah is now 18 months and we are holding our kids a little closer these days!
Love you all,
Melis
Yes, I did get released from the ER this morning.
Yes, my INR is in the therapeutic range (this is good) and if my Wednesday blood draw shows this as well, I get to come off of the shots/injections :-) It was at 1.4 when I left the hospital Thursday, at 1.3 Friday at home and then at 2.0 today. (2.0-3.0 is where I need to be during this time in my life.)
They ran an extra CT scan because of my pain levels getting worse, despite the improvement in INR. It shows my large clot already getting smaller. (Yes!) This is extra piece of mind for myself.
The down side... Unlike what my doctor at the hospital originally said, pain is NORMAL! In fact, it makes a lot of sense. The clot creates a blockage. It is an injury, and a pretty significant one at that. Initially, pain is part of the healing process and unfortunately for me, the pain meds I am allowed to be on will not always feel like they are working due to the severity of the pain.
Today was easily one of the worst days on record. When I returned home, I had not slept a wink all night. David put Micah back to bed, Joy cuddled up in front of kids shows on Netflix next to me and I slept for about 1-1.5 hours. From there on out, I was in and out and had very little energy. I felt beyond zapped. (I don't even know how to explain the kind of exhaustion I have been feeling.) It was even worse than most days in the hospital. I was on pain meds almost the entire day (which I do not like to be). Micah and Joy were amazing and surprisingly patient with me. And fortunately, David had a rare night off. He had a moment walking in to our room finding all 3 of us asleep on our bed.
I hope this helps clarify any confusion. I look forward to feeling like "myself" again when I get there. Thank you all again for all of the help and prayers. We still have a pretty extensive road ahead of us that isn't completely clear. I meet with my OB tomorrow to discuss post D&C and how to proceed with the blood clot involved now. I am still trying to understand all of the emotions I have been having and trying to process them. And even though it is not his fault, I admit I am sometimes very irritated and frustrated at my OB.
Its August 5th! I can't even believe what a year it has already been. Micah is now 18 months and we are holding our kids a little closer these days!
Love you all,
Melis
Hello ER... again :(
I don't know anyone that says that after returning home from a hospital stay, they hope to go back soon. Unfortunately, that is what happened to me, for a little while at least...
Last night around 8pm, I picked up a crying Micah in hopes of calming him down so I could put him back down again. That didn't happen. Pain started creeping in and I did my best to ignore it, hoping Micah would go back down and that eating something and resting would help me feel better. That didn't happen, so finally, after tears over pain and frustration at my children for somehow being wide away, I took the pain medicine around 9:20. Un fortunately, the pain continued to get worse. I gave Joy her hug and kiss and sent her off to bed (took her awhile to settle but she ultimatley did it). I got to the point where I realized I could no longer pick Micah up and decided he could sleep in my bed once he passed out. He eventually did but the pain didn't subside. David was at work so we finally agreed that I would take the next dose of pain medicine on time and then go the ER as soon as he arrived home. (We were originally told I should have little to no pain once home or it should at least be managed by the strong pain meds I had been prescribed.)
At 1:20 a.m, I took the next dose with no improvement. It just got worse and worse. As soon as I knew David be getting home fairly soon, I packed a backup hospital bag and noticed slight improvement in pain. (What gives?) David arrived home shortly after 3 a.m. and got the kids stuff ready, as well as his and loaded them into the car for me. Fortunatley, NO ONE was at the ER this time of day, so I was see shortly. I was given more pain meds, asked a lot of questions and told to relax (haha). They gave me my injection since it was that time and did my blood draw. I had an x-ray as well. THe blood draw actually revealed an INR of 2.0. This was great news on its own as in my case, mine needs to regularly sit somewhere between 2.0 and 3.0. However, the ER doctor was even more confused. I had come up from an INR of 1.3 just Friday and my pain was much worse, as well as daily life in general. He ordered another CT scan. WHen I went to have the scan done, David, Micah and Joy all fell asleep on the floor of my room. When I arrived back, I was no longer on pain medication of any kind and the nurses were doing their shift change. I waited for a good 40 or so minutes, still unable to really sleep for the results. Once again, they were good. The clot is actually shrinking!
So why have I been in so much pain? The ER doctor simply explain it as an injury, a pretty substantial injury. I have a LARGE clot in my LUNGS. While it is getting smaller and unblocking, it HURTS, sometimes really badly. So, I am doing better but the pain may be a bigger issue in the beginning more than I like. Please continue prayer for this. In other good news, the GP doctor situation has been sorted out and is set for me the next time I need to see her. If my blood work on Wednesday shows another INR of 2.0-3.0 I will be able to go off the injections and just be on the pills. Praise the Lord!
I had several 3/4-asleep conversations with friends via text over my confusion over God's Will in all of this and my frustration with the pouring rain it seems. I continue to trust Him but am needing to draw near to Him more closely than ever. I trust He already has everything figured out. Thank Goodness! Oh, and we are feeling so blessed after a meal from friends at church who also set up several more with other friends from church. What a relief! How blessed are we, seriously?
Well, that's all for now!
*Melis*
Last night around 8pm, I picked up a crying Micah in hopes of calming him down so I could put him back down again. That didn't happen. Pain started creeping in and I did my best to ignore it, hoping Micah would go back down and that eating something and resting would help me feel better. That didn't happen, so finally, after tears over pain and frustration at my children for somehow being wide away, I took the pain medicine around 9:20. Un fortunately, the pain continued to get worse. I gave Joy her hug and kiss and sent her off to bed (took her awhile to settle but she ultimatley did it). I got to the point where I realized I could no longer pick Micah up and decided he could sleep in my bed once he passed out. He eventually did but the pain didn't subside. David was at work so we finally agreed that I would take the next dose of pain medicine on time and then go the ER as soon as he arrived home. (We were originally told I should have little to no pain once home or it should at least be managed by the strong pain meds I had been prescribed.)
At 1:20 a.m, I took the next dose with no improvement. It just got worse and worse. As soon as I knew David be getting home fairly soon, I packed a backup hospital bag and noticed slight improvement in pain. (What gives?) David arrived home shortly after 3 a.m. and got the kids stuff ready, as well as his and loaded them into the car for me. Fortunatley, NO ONE was at the ER this time of day, so I was see shortly. I was given more pain meds, asked a lot of questions and told to relax (haha). They gave me my injection since it was that time and did my blood draw. I had an x-ray as well. THe blood draw actually revealed an INR of 2.0. This was great news on its own as in my case, mine needs to regularly sit somewhere between 2.0 and 3.0. However, the ER doctor was even more confused. I had come up from an INR of 1.3 just Friday and my pain was much worse, as well as daily life in general. He ordered another CT scan. WHen I went to have the scan done, David, Micah and Joy all fell asleep on the floor of my room. When I arrived back, I was no longer on pain medication of any kind and the nurses were doing their shift change. I waited for a good 40 or so minutes, still unable to really sleep for the results. Once again, they were good. The clot is actually shrinking!
So why have I been in so much pain? The ER doctor simply explain it as an injury, a pretty substantial injury. I have a LARGE clot in my LUNGS. While it is getting smaller and unblocking, it HURTS, sometimes really badly. So, I am doing better but the pain may be a bigger issue in the beginning more than I like. Please continue prayer for this. In other good news, the GP doctor situation has been sorted out and is set for me the next time I need to see her. If my blood work on Wednesday shows another INR of 2.0-3.0 I will be able to go off the injections and just be on the pills. Praise the Lord!
I had several 3/4-asleep conversations with friends via text over my confusion over God's Will in all of this and my frustration with the pouring rain it seems. I continue to trust Him but am needing to draw near to Him more closely than ever. I trust He already has everything figured out. Thank Goodness! Oh, and we are feeling so blessed after a meal from friends at church who also set up several more with other friends from church. What a relief! How blessed are we, seriously?
Well, that's all for now!
*Melis*
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Outta the hospital - first few days
Hi friends,
Its been an interesting few days to say the least. Thursday night initially I relaxed but ultimately didn't fall asleep until after 1am, only to wake up at 5am to give myself my first set of injections at home. I also had my first realization of the combo of being diagnosed with PE (pulmonary embolism) as well as the D&C for miscarraige just beforehand. I slept a little bit more but ultimately was too distracted to stay asleep.
At 10am, I went to my appt with the PA who had an opening right away. We were still trying to understand why certain appointments needed to be made, especially this one but he seemed more confused about why I was there. He asked me repeatedly what a D&C was and why I had to have it and then proceeded to tell me things we already knew (like how my pain meds I was taking as needed were "strong"). He told me they had to refer me to the clinic for the blood thinners (I'll sound it out as I am still learning its spelling - coo-ma-din, a.k.a. warfarin).
We then headed over to the hospital to get my blood drawn as instructed, only to hit several more hurtles with admitting and insurance. I remembered we had the pharmacist's number (she reports on my lab draws and keeps me on track) and David called her. She immediately came down and sorted everything out for us. I shared my concerns about the prior visit with the PA and she immediately recognized the issues and told me she would call over and take care of it. She told me for my next blood draw, the issues would be sorted out for me there as well. While this was all going on, the PA's nurse had called again and been chatting with David confusing us further.
Once my blood draw was taken care of, we headed over to take care of lunch and errands before heading visit a friend and spend some time allowing me to catch up with her. Her kids were super cute with David. We were both laughing. After the visit, David and I made a point to walk around and "window shop," mainly to just spend time together. It went okay but I had several mini emotional meltdowns as I tried to understand this "new life" I was being prescribed so to speak. During this time, the pharmacist called and told me my INR number (clotting) had dropped 0.1. She didn't sound thrilled as they expect it to keep going up at this stage I believe. She gave me instructions to adjust the oral blood thinner and told me to do my next blood draw Monday and we would go from there.
I had a mini meltdown again while giving myself my evening "shot" and oral blood thinner but realized it also helped me feel a lot better. The day progressed with good time with my hubby, another meltdown when I saw a newborn and her parents and ultimately coming home, ready to blog but too tired to keep my eyes open. Unfortunately, that didn't last. I ended up taking back-to-back doses of my pain meds due to muscles spasms (we think) during the night. During the second dose, I kept waking up writhing in pain. I was so frustrated and felt horrible waking up my David repeatedly.
The next day, David and I spent a little time together in town in the a.m. before returning home to receive our sweet Micah & Joy Joy. We had been warned Micah was sick and upon seeing him, David promptly took him to get him checked out. The ER was quick (no lie)! However, several pharmacies and confusions later (several hours as well), David had MOST of Micah's prescriptions and brought him home to administer them and feed the two of them. I felt I was doing a little better but had a long meltdown when it occurred to me I had a little boy with an ear infection and pink eye (swollen just before David needed to be at work). After several calls on David's part and me finally finding the confidence while calming down my Micah, I sent David off to work an hour late. (I felt so horrible about this.)
Micah did surprisingly well and ultimately did fall asleep and sleep most of the night. Joy was fantastic and such a great big girl! I slept pretty well until I woke up for my "shot" and then needed pain meds. Fortunately, no more incidences of freaking out & crying occurred last night and Micah got to sleep from 6-9am in our bed this morning.
I decided to take Joy out for our monthly "date" this morning as I saw improvement in myself and thought the boys would like a quite morning to themselves. Joy gladly joined me and we had some fun girl time. She was a fantastic buddy and was full of giggles and smiles. We stayed out long enough for me to have one of my "warm patches." (still working on a better name -- Essentially, I get really warm, sweaty etc. and my breathing gets slightly heavier and I need to get out of the situation ASAP.) We cut our trip out a little short and were thrilled to see our boys awake and happy at home.
The afternoon progressed at a glacial pace, as far as I am concerned. I would put a few pieces of clothing away and then lay down and rest for a bit and then do i over again for quite awhile. As David was getting ready to leave around 4:30, we chatted about concerns, progress etc. and made the decision for him to go to work as ultimately I felt okay enough to take care of the kids again and we would reevaluate tomorrow after the blood draw and hopefully talking to the pharmacist.
So, here's where we are with prayer...
1. My INR needs to go up, up, up! (2.0-3.0 is where it needs to land and stay ultimately but since it had dropped to 1.3 Friday, right now, we just need it to go up enough for me to feel okay and the pharmacist continue to feel comfortable enough to have me home.)
2. Micah is doing better. Pray for him to continue to heal.
3. For the kiddos to be "easy" on me so I can continue to build my strength and energy without putting myself in harm's way ultimately.
4. Questing to be answered -- we hope to have the pharmacist answer questions of concern David and I have observed lately tomorrow while we are at the hospital for the blood draw.
5. David -- my sweet husband has been so wonderful and helpful but he really needs wrapped in prayer as he is usually so busy at work or caring for someone right now, he is having trouble processing the recent events.
Thank you all for the continued prayer and support. I will continue to do my best to give updates, as well as a peek into where I am with it all. It is all a bit confusing and frustrating right now, even angering me at times but we continue to press forward and pray God's Will be done regardless of what we want or think we need.
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Its been an interesting few days to say the least. Thursday night initially I relaxed but ultimately didn't fall asleep until after 1am, only to wake up at 5am to give myself my first set of injections at home. I also had my first realization of the combo of being diagnosed with PE (pulmonary embolism) as well as the D&C for miscarraige just beforehand. I slept a little bit more but ultimately was too distracted to stay asleep.
At 10am, I went to my appt with the PA who had an opening right away. We were still trying to understand why certain appointments needed to be made, especially this one but he seemed more confused about why I was there. He asked me repeatedly what a D&C was and why I had to have it and then proceeded to tell me things we already knew (like how my pain meds I was taking as needed were "strong"). He told me they had to refer me to the clinic for the blood thinners (I'll sound it out as I am still learning its spelling - coo-ma-din, a.k.a. warfarin).
We then headed over to the hospital to get my blood drawn as instructed, only to hit several more hurtles with admitting and insurance. I remembered we had the pharmacist's number (she reports on my lab draws and keeps me on track) and David called her. She immediately came down and sorted everything out for us. I shared my concerns about the prior visit with the PA and she immediately recognized the issues and told me she would call over and take care of it. She told me for my next blood draw, the issues would be sorted out for me there as well. While this was all going on, the PA's nurse had called again and been chatting with David confusing us further.
Once my blood draw was taken care of, we headed over to take care of lunch and errands before heading visit a friend and spend some time allowing me to catch up with her. Her kids were super cute with David. We were both laughing. After the visit, David and I made a point to walk around and "window shop," mainly to just spend time together. It went okay but I had several mini emotional meltdowns as I tried to understand this "new life" I was being prescribed so to speak. During this time, the pharmacist called and told me my INR number (clotting) had dropped 0.1. She didn't sound thrilled as they expect it to keep going up at this stage I believe. She gave me instructions to adjust the oral blood thinner and told me to do my next blood draw Monday and we would go from there.
I had a mini meltdown again while giving myself my evening "shot" and oral blood thinner but realized it also helped me feel a lot better. The day progressed with good time with my hubby, another meltdown when I saw a newborn and her parents and ultimately coming home, ready to blog but too tired to keep my eyes open. Unfortunately, that didn't last. I ended up taking back-to-back doses of my pain meds due to muscles spasms (we think) during the night. During the second dose, I kept waking up writhing in pain. I was so frustrated and felt horrible waking up my David repeatedly.
The next day, David and I spent a little time together in town in the a.m. before returning home to receive our sweet Micah & Joy Joy. We had been warned Micah was sick and upon seeing him, David promptly took him to get him checked out. The ER was quick (no lie)! However, several pharmacies and confusions later (several hours as well), David had MOST of Micah's prescriptions and brought him home to administer them and feed the two of them. I felt I was doing a little better but had a long meltdown when it occurred to me I had a little boy with an ear infection and pink eye (swollen just before David needed to be at work). After several calls on David's part and me finally finding the confidence while calming down my Micah, I sent David off to work an hour late. (I felt so horrible about this.)
Micah did surprisingly well and ultimately did fall asleep and sleep most of the night. Joy was fantastic and such a great big girl! I slept pretty well until I woke up for my "shot" and then needed pain meds. Fortunately, no more incidences of freaking out & crying occurred last night and Micah got to sleep from 6-9am in our bed this morning.
I decided to take Joy out for our monthly "date" this morning as I saw improvement in myself and thought the boys would like a quite morning to themselves. Joy gladly joined me and we had some fun girl time. She was a fantastic buddy and was full of giggles and smiles. We stayed out long enough for me to have one of my "warm patches." (still working on a better name -- Essentially, I get really warm, sweaty etc. and my breathing gets slightly heavier and I need to get out of the situation ASAP.) We cut our trip out a little short and were thrilled to see our boys awake and happy at home.
The afternoon progressed at a glacial pace, as far as I am concerned. I would put a few pieces of clothing away and then lay down and rest for a bit and then do i over again for quite awhile. As David was getting ready to leave around 4:30, we chatted about concerns, progress etc. and made the decision for him to go to work as ultimately I felt okay enough to take care of the kids again and we would reevaluate tomorrow after the blood draw and hopefully talking to the pharmacist.
So, here's where we are with prayer...
1. My INR needs to go up, up, up! (2.0-3.0 is where it needs to land and stay ultimately but since it had dropped to 1.3 Friday, right now, we just need it to go up enough for me to feel okay and the pharmacist continue to feel comfortable enough to have me home.)
2. Micah is doing better. Pray for him to continue to heal.
3. For the kiddos to be "easy" on me so I can continue to build my strength and energy without putting myself in harm's way ultimately.
4. Questing to be answered -- we hope to have the pharmacist answer questions of concern David and I have observed lately tomorrow while we are at the hospital for the blood draw.
5. David -- my sweet husband has been so wonderful and helpful but he really needs wrapped in prayer as he is usually so busy at work or caring for someone right now, he is having trouble processing the recent events.
Thank you all for the continued prayer and support. I will continue to do my best to give updates, as well as a peek into where I am with it all. It is all a bit confusing and frustrating right now, even angering me at times but we continue to press forward and pray God's Will be done regardless of what we want or think we need.
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Spectacularly YOU...
Expecting another update?
One IS coming soon
BUT...
I wanted to share what was especially on my heart tonight.
Or should I say WHO?
I love my David.
He is one of strongest people I know.
He and I have been friends for 16 years now.
Together for almost 8 years.
Married for just over 6 years.
Not too long ago, we found out we lost our 2nd baby this year.
Less than a week later, we found our family waiting together for over 3 hours in the ER. 2 hours later, after plenty of tests, we were told I had a pulmonary embolism, in my case a LARGE clot in my lungs. 4 days later, I was released with extra special instructions.
Oh, and by the way, did I mention the days I was admitted was our 6th wedding anniversary?
David has been through the ringer. So many ask about me... Yes, it is a process. Yes, my life is different now, for at least the next 6 months.
BUT...
So is his! David lost 2 babies this year too! David had to watch me go through both losses, start two deal with both losses, sharing when I had trouble sharing. David had to wait as I went through loads of tests, only days after our second loss. He then had to take 2 very confused, tired, emotional children home without me, skip more work and then eventually pick me up and keep a close eye on me on only my first day out of the hospital. (And trust me, yesterday was no cake walk! More on that later...)
I adore my Davey.
He is my best friend.
He is the most fantastic father to Joy & Micah.
He pours his heart and everything he can into his family
and his work...
I am so completely blessed to be married to my best friend, the man who knows me better than anyone else, who has genuinely strived to make our marriage stronger. He understands give and take better than most anyone and longs to see me happy and our whole family well. He is incredibly unique and I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else... anyone more spectacularly perfect for me... and for our kids.
So this blog is dedicated to you, David. I am so thrilled God brought us together after all of those years. I hope I never have to live a day without you...
*Melis*
One IS coming soon
BUT...
I wanted to share what was especially on my heart tonight.
Or should I say WHO?
I love my David.
He is one of strongest people I know.
He and I have been friends for 16 years now.
Together for almost 8 years.
Married for just over 6 years.
Not too long ago, we found out we lost our 2nd baby this year.
Less than a week later, we found our family waiting together for over 3 hours in the ER. 2 hours later, after plenty of tests, we were told I had a pulmonary embolism, in my case a LARGE clot in my lungs. 4 days later, I was released with extra special instructions.
Oh, and by the way, did I mention the days I was admitted was our 6th wedding anniversary?
David has been through the ringer. So many ask about me... Yes, it is a process. Yes, my life is different now, for at least the next 6 months.
BUT...
So is his! David lost 2 babies this year too! David had to watch me go through both losses, start two deal with both losses, sharing when I had trouble sharing. David had to wait as I went through loads of tests, only days after our second loss. He then had to take 2 very confused, tired, emotional children home without me, skip more work and then eventually pick me up and keep a close eye on me on only my first day out of the hospital. (And trust me, yesterday was no cake walk! More on that later...)
I adore my Davey.
He is my best friend.
He is the most fantastic father to Joy & Micah.
He pours his heart and everything he can into his family
and his work...
I am so completely blessed to be married to my best friend, the man who knows me better than anyone else, who has genuinely strived to make our marriage stronger. He understands give and take better than most anyone and longs to see me happy and our whole family well. He is incredibly unique and I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else... anyone more spectacularly perfect for me... and for our kids.
So this blog is dedicated to you, David. I am so thrilled God brought us together after all of those years. I hope I never have to live a day without you...
*Melis*
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Freedom!
If you haven't already noticed, I got a fabulous surprise today! I got to leave the hospital and come home! My INR (the ever important number involving the "clottiness" of my blood) was up 0.2 to 1.4. Since we were aiming for 2.0-3.0, I assumed from previous conversations with the doctor, I would still be there likely through the weekend at least. Instead, she referenced an even earlier conversation with another doctor and told me I would be giving myself "shots" for likely a week that would substitute for the drip blood thinner. I was nervous but she assured me I would be taught how to do it and would be perfectly fine to do it. I wondered throughout the day if everything would process for this to actually happen and was told mid-afternoon I would for sure be leaving in the evening. David arranged to go in late to his second job so he could pick me up, get my prescriptions and dinner and get me home and settled. Bless his heart!
I was surprised at how easy the "shots" were and was discharged from the hospital shortly after 5pm this evening. I was stoked. It took awhile to get everything we needed as they prescriptions weren't quite ready and we needed a specific box to dispose of them in that the first pharmacy didn't have. The second place wasn't open and we finally located it, took care of dinner briefly and I finally settled into home. David left for work, as I assured him I was okay. After eating dinner, I had a mini panic as I didn't find my pain medicine. After I called David, he helped me clarify that the pain meds were prescribed on an as needed basis after the D&C and I hadn't touched them yet. I checked the paperwork and confirmed he was right all around, took them and calmed back down.
I've spent my evening announcing my excitement, calling & texting family to update them and vegging in front of shows I missed while in the hospital. I am thrilled to be home but now I truly feel this song alive in me...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjFbqg
So for a week or so, I will be giving myself a "shot" in the tummy twice a day since I still need to get my INR up.
For 6 months (at least), I will be taking a blood thinner orally once a day. I will meet with a hematologist periodically. I will meet with a regular doctor at intervals as well, starting at about twice a week and reducing eventually to about once a month to get my blood drawn and tested. I will be called by my hospital's pharmacy after these draws to keep my posted on how much blood thinner I need to be taking and will help me adjust it as needed. I will be having tests run periodically during and then some once I am off the blood thinner to help reveal the cause(s) and other helpful information (we hope) about my condition.
Re: DNC I will be following up with my doc on Tuesday and he will be running genetic testing to see if it reveals anything.
Yes, I still have a pulmonary embolism and we have no idea when it will disappear or if it will fully but we know God is in control and that the plan put in place will most likely prevent anything like this from ever happening again. We also know I had no hand in this happening to me. God knows why He allowed this to happen and we are depending on Him to lead us forward. David and I still have some more personal & familial things to talk about. For now, I am excited to be home in my comfy bed, get a day with my best friend tomorrow (he's the best), see my kiddos for real Saturday and start moving forward with yet another "new normal." God is soooooo good and we are so thankful I am alive and still chatting everyone's ears off ;)
\
Thank you for all of the prayers. We still need them. I promise, I'll keep you posted. And remember, you are an OVERCOMER too!
Love and God Bless,
*Melis*
P.S. Squirt & Little One, Mommy & Daddy haven't forgotten about you. We still miss you and are thankful, despite the pain that God is using you both to help us grow together and on our own in faith. *Mwah!*
I was surprised at how easy the "shots" were and was discharged from the hospital shortly after 5pm this evening. I was stoked. It took awhile to get everything we needed as they prescriptions weren't quite ready and we needed a specific box to dispose of them in that the first pharmacy didn't have. The second place wasn't open and we finally located it, took care of dinner briefly and I finally settled into home. David left for work, as I assured him I was okay. After eating dinner, I had a mini panic as I didn't find my pain medicine. After I called David, he helped me clarify that the pain meds were prescribed on an as needed basis after the D&C and I hadn't touched them yet. I checked the paperwork and confirmed he was right all around, took them and calmed back down.
I've spent my evening announcing my excitement, calling & texting family to update them and vegging in front of shows I missed while in the hospital. I am thrilled to be home but now I truly feel this song alive in me...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjFbqg
So for a week or so, I will be giving myself a "shot" in the tummy twice a day since I still need to get my INR up.
For 6 months (at least), I will be taking a blood thinner orally once a day. I will meet with a hematologist periodically. I will meet with a regular doctor at intervals as well, starting at about twice a week and reducing eventually to about once a month to get my blood drawn and tested. I will be called by my hospital's pharmacy after these draws to keep my posted on how much blood thinner I need to be taking and will help me adjust it as needed. I will be having tests run periodically during and then some once I am off the blood thinner to help reveal the cause(s) and other helpful information (we hope) about my condition.
Re: DNC I will be following up with my doc on Tuesday and he will be running genetic testing to see if it reveals anything.
Yes, I still have a pulmonary embolism and we have no idea when it will disappear or if it will fully but we know God is in control and that the plan put in place will most likely prevent anything like this from ever happening again. We also know I had no hand in this happening to me. God knows why He allowed this to happen and we are depending on Him to lead us forward. David and I still have some more personal & familial things to talk about. For now, I am excited to be home in my comfy bed, get a day with my best friend tomorrow (he's the best), see my kiddos for real Saturday and start moving forward with yet another "new normal." God is soooooo good and we are so thankful I am alive and still chatting everyone's ears off ;)
\
Thank you for all of the prayers. We still need them. I promise, I'll keep you posted. And remember, you are an OVERCOMER too!
Love and God Bless,
*Melis*
P.S. Squirt & Little One, Mommy & Daddy haven't forgotten about you. We still miss you and are thankful, despite the pain that God is using you both to help us grow together and on our own in faith. *Mwah!*
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