A month & a half ago I posted & not again...
~It sure feels like a lot longer than that. To be honest, I just didn't know what to say. As hard as this year has been, these past couple of months have been the most emotional for me. I feel like the ups & downs are apart of my life now. I am used to tears, mood swings & settling in for my evenings of irritability. Micah lately has begun sleeping even worse. He's more stubborn & I'm more sensitive but together we cuddle so well. I've been told over & over to let myself grieve, let myself have bad days, to be okay with a little bit done at a time but it doesn't stop the guilt some days. I want to do more, be a better mom, wife, friend... I've found myself spending more time at home, less time online, finding things like baking & craft projects to focus on. I try to regularly post thankfulness on Facebook & stay aware of who I am now & not try to be anyone else. David's schedule has regulated recently for the time being & he recently got a small raise that doesn't get us out of the woods but it helps some nonetheless. I often go to bed early & the other nights I stay awake waiting for my David to come home for that hug & chat before sleeping. My pain levels have dropped quite a bit & my "womanly" issues since the summer have finally started to improve. After a lot of time staying home, I have recently started to organize a play date here & there, a walk or a meet up with a friend as time & sensitivity allows. Life isn't easy & I guess I just wasn't ready to tell you all that, that months later, I am struggling emotionally more than ever. As we head towards the New Year, David & I dread our Squirt's first angelversary & our Little One's original due date, just 2 days apart towards the middle of January. I've spent a lot of time focusing on the holidays, projects & anything that will help me through the day to be a better mom to my kids. David has been amazing. Its amazing how far our marriage has come in the 6+ years. Just the other day, he said all of the right things & knew when to hold me & how to get us through our morning & out the door in time. My parents have been marvelous too as I have spent many a Sunday this fall at their place dealing with the stresses, emotions, & side effects of medications. I'm looking forward to returning to Home Front with David after the New Year & also glad Bible Study will return as well. Just today, a friend & I set up a standing play date. Looking forward to having that time with her while our kiddos play. We said goodbye to one of our vehicles recently. David was hit at a stoplight & the insurance company deemed it a total loss. We've got some decisions to make. So ups, downs... they're normal~
How can you pray for us? Pray we can set me up with regular counseling to help healing & processing for me. Pray for continued stability in David's schedule & that it won't be too long before the promotion & next raise. Pray for David's & my emotional health. This year of Faith has tested us through & through & there are days we feel like we are constantly running for cover. Please pray for our kiddos as well. It can't be easy walking on egg shells around Mommy & Daddy. Please pray as we approach 6 months of pulmonary embolism medicine at the end of January. If all is clear then, I will be pulled off of the medicine, put on aspirin for a little bit & able to have a full workup done, hopefully for more answers for us.
Some praises? Joy absolutely loves school. We are very thankful for TVCCA & Mrs. Beasley. Thank God David wasn't hurt in the accident, Considering his ongoing back problems, we are glad nothing got worse. We are thankful my pain levels have dropped. We are blessed with amazing friends that have showered us with love & prayers during this very difficult year.
We appreciate all of the support. Hopefully I will be blogging again more these days.
As always,
Melissa
