Am I For Real?

Yesterday,  I had someone ask me that. I was kind of surprised, seeing as I strive to be as transparent as possible.  Do you think I am open, honest... do you think I hide a lot? Lie? Here's my take...

When I decided to get this blog going finally, it was inspired and for the purpose of letting others know about our miscarriage, my heart and where it stood throughout it and following and to eventually spill we were pregnant again with our Rainbow Baby.

Guess what? God had other plans. We again miscarried (as you all know) and I had a D&C on July 23 of this year, just after 15 weeks. Both losses were in the 2nd trimester so my doctor wanted to order genetic testing at my follow up.  That didn't happen. Instead, I was admitted 5 days later, on our 6th wedding anniversary for a pulmonary embolism, a really large blood clot in my lungs. David and I were both shocked and it sent ripples through some of the family, as well as friends as prayers were offered up all over and we received more offers for help than we physically needed.

I didn't see it coming but as I promised early on, I strive to be open and now was not the time to clam up.  So what is my take on all of this? I am me. Huh? Well, I have always considered myself pretty open (as well as extremely talkative- lol). For me, it has always been important to do a few things...
   1. Share what is on my heart
   2. Use tact.
   3. Keep others informed (I try) so they are less likely to get lost in all of the craziness.
   4. Give God the glory.

The last one is key. I think when talking to this person I wanted to narrow in on it. Yes, life is hard. Would I prefer to be completely healthy? Most days. yes. But, God has a plan in this. I am completely confident in that. I have NO IDEA what plans He has but I know they exist and slandering people and screaming just isn't me as far as I am concerned. So reality check... last night as I finally drifted off to sleep, I said something like the following to my husband, " I am so angry.  I am so angry. Why me? Why us?"

Does this help? It happens but I, like most of you have private moments and moments I need to work through before sharing. I hope you still see me as real and open. If you ever have a question, message me on FB, text me, call me or e-mail me. Chances are I will answer it. It may not show up on this blog now or ever for that matter but you will probably get the best answer I can give you.  Just last night, I reviewed my medical file online to double check some things and realized what I had misunderstood in the hospital when on all of those medicines. I will be sharing that soon. And it is scary, concerning and makes life real but it helps as well, as it dons light on to what is wrong and how to manage life moving forward.  

I appreciate all of you who are taking the time to read any of my blogs. Ultimately, this really all for the glory of God.  Later gators!

*Melis*