Thursday, September 12, 2013

Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Bashful and Doc

Sneezy... Not so much lately.  Pleasantly surprised though because of where I live.
Dopey... Nope, thank you very much...
Bashful... Hardly, but I definitely have my moments!
Doc... Well I saw my hematologist recently. Does that count?
Happy... I have been praising the Lord for all He has been doing in our lives lately!
Sleepy... Just about always.  My eyes are pretty much done for tonight...
And finally.... Grumpy... Sorry world! This has been my day-ish...

Woke up, was doing okay but that changed when I hit traffic.  I have made it a habit to double check the best way to go whenever I need to head towards Livermore.  Today, I did.  Unfortunately, I somehow missed the diversion off of the freeway (an exit I have never taken) to avoid was was essentially 15 minutes to travel less than a mile to the next nearest exit to get to Bible Study. I went from 10 minutes early to 10 minutes late JUST LIKE THAT! 

Sigh...  I knew it wasn't that big of a deal.  Then it was the 2 close friends missing Bible Study today (for very good reasons). Then it was another good friend leaving early...  Then it was my kids melting down and/or clinging to me as they were clearly overtired during and following a play date, doing Joy's homeschool work, struggling to keep her focused towards the end. Ultimately, it really wasn't likely about any of the above.  I was grumpy because the past few days I have relived my losses over and over.  From David mentioning those children had so much potential as he started to grieve to grieving and praying fervently for my good friend who is being told her baby won't make it.  I just keep reliving it.  I told several leaders at Bible Study about my friend, passing along the word to gain the prayer.  I hurt. I am tired.  And it surely isn't over. It never will be.  I whimpered as a friend said the doctor doesn't know why she has experienced multiple losses of her own.  I cried inside hearing of another woman losing her baby as we speak.  My heart hurts. I never knew this pain could strike to fast and so hard, just hoping, praying and grieving for others' losses as well.  It really Never Ends... It stays put in the back of your mind for awhile but it comes back to the forefront sometimes on the worst days, at the worst possible tines. 

I will continue to love you my Sweet Little One & Squirt. I can only imagine how you must be enjoying Heaven. I look forward to being reunited one day For now, I will continue to pray and rest my hope in the Lord... and pray Grumpy stays home tomorrow.

*Melis*

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