You remember that day that was super hard? How we miscarried for the 2nd time in less than 8 months? I had a D&C, yelled at God some and cried. That was Tuesday, just about a week ago. And yes, I haven't updated you like planned. I've been a little busy...
Saturday night, Joy came home with a cold and my kids barely slept that night. We got up the next day, determining she wasn't well enough to go to church and me staying home with her was best. We had signed up for snack in Sunday School so I asked David how he wanted to handle it. He said he would take Micah to get the snack, drop it off and come home. So he did. He briefly chatted with some of our Sunday School, thanked them for all the prayer and got me coffee before coming home.
By this time, I was beyond worn and a bit sore. I expected it had something to do with the long night before but I was curious because I had a temp varying from 98.7-99.1 consistently from Saturday night through midday Sunday. This is actually very high for me as I run in the 97s regularly and even post op didn't break 98.3. David went out to get food for me and I realized that my discomforts had really become painful. When he arrived home and I had eaten, I asked him for my discharge papers from the D&C and then I hesitantly admitted him that two of the warning signs listed were actually true. I had shoulder strap pain that came and went and I had some shortness of breath and since the night before it had gotten worse. I also had pain along my right side, under my ribs and into my back. He wanted to make sure the pain subsided but he also thought I might need to go to the hospital. I convinced him to give me pain reliever and go help the coworker he had said he would help and to check on my when he got back. He did and then checked in with me. I asked him to call the nurse line on the back of our medical cards and he did, waited for a call back and finally talked to them. They said I needed to get checked. Then I asked him to let Micah sleep a little longer. He reluctantly agreed but 10 minutes later told me we needed to go, got the kids ready for the trip to the ER and drove me over.
I checked into the ER and waited and waited and waited. 3.5 hours later, I was being seen. I was nervous and praying God would lead us. The doc came in shortly after the nurses and told me that it very well could be pulled muscles but since I had been through surgery less than a week ago they wanted to run some tests to make sure it wasn't a clot. After blood work, a lung x-ray, a whole lot of waiting and a CT scan (which made me so anxious I cried initially), he delivered the bad news. I had a pulmonary embolism, a clot in my legs. Amazed I had no pain in my legs still, he said it developed in my a leg likely and launched itself up into my lungs. David and I both looked at each other and at the doctor in disbelief and immediately had a million questions. Between him, the ER nurse (who had been through this only 8 months before), and the doctor that I would be assigned to, we discovered I would be in the hospital likely 48 hours, 24 of that in the ICU. Nurses helped prep me as I said goodbye to my family and cried, still completely freaked out. As they moved me up to the ICU, I braced myself for a nerve-wracking journey but reminded myself that they had caught it early, David was the reason we found out early and they were taking good care of me. I started to update friends via messages and reminded them I was in good hands, David was amazing and God was taking good care of you. I had asked God to expand our faith this year. And I believed God had it all under control.
What I understood was that I would be on a drip blood thinner for the duration of the time, daily taking an oral blood thinner to adjust me. I would be on pain meds as needed and was given an assortment of stool softeners, potassium and other things that kept me stable and were standard. I hardly slept that first night... at all. I spent a lot of time on my phone texting and messaging people. Somehow telling people helped me start to process things. As morning came, I met a new sweet nurse (something I would continue to find comfort in), took my meds and kept in contact with people, constantly updating people and telling them God was taking care of me and everything would ultimately be okay. Midway through the day, I stubbornly didn't mention my pain and by the time I had and we had decided what to do, I was on a second pain medication and was still feeling the pain. I was miserable and angry. Once I finally relaxed some, I was finally fed (I had forgotten in the insanity) and I started to perk up. Someone came by to do an "echo" and then they told me I was being transferred. I was stoked. I was leaving the ICU. I was doing well enough to move to another room. I was doing so well and was chatting with friends I didn't feel all of the pain... until I crashed again in pain and begged for more meds.
Once I felt stable, one of the doctors came in and started talking about diagnosing where the clot from. I didn't even know this was a question. She told me that it was possible it came from the D&C and resting afterwards. She stated one other option though. She told me that during pregnancy clots do forms. Most of the time they disappear on their own but that sometimes they don't.She said it could be the reason I miscarried, both times in the second trimester. She told me with this diagnosis I would be on blood thinners forever. However, having a baby wouldn't be a risk ultimately. There would be a way to conceive and it still be safe not too far out and I would never need to expect a clot EVER! With the surgery as "cause," I would be on blood thinners for only 6 months likely but I would need to put of trying for a baby for that time. The odds of a clot coming back ever would be highly unlikely.
One of my favorite people stopped by, watched the Bachelorette with me, listened to me chat my emotions out and the pain was subsiding in a major way. I was comfortable. They told me my INR (It is related to the blood thinners. I need a 2-3 to leave.) of 1.1 and were happy with how fast it had progressed. I woke up several times during the night but celebrated the 5 or so combined hours of sleep I got.
I woke up feeling a bit more tired than I would like but was excited to be on day 2. A doctor sent over by my doctor told me I would likely be here longer than the 48 hours. This was after I requested my nurse for pain management and to use the restroom, only to wait for so long I was in tears. (Miscommunication happens.) I cried and cried for a good 10-15 minutes in front of the doctor and my nurse. They continued to encourage me, letting me know this was good, that I needed to grieve and focus on me, not constantly worry about reassuring everyone else. They were right. With meds in me, they came up with a plan to regularly be on one of the two pain meds so I wouldn't crash again, using the other as a backup plan, only as needed. I felt so reassured and realized I needed to let it go. I needed to be here. My head got it and soon my emotions reconciled and I started to get peace. I would be here for at least one more day, up to 3 more days likely. Just after this all happened, I received flowers from one of my besties and I was immediately encouraged and felt so loved.
Pain came and went and I did need a little of the IV pain med to help a little (once again waiting longer due to miscommunication). I continued to message and update friends and catnapped here and there. A plan was set up for me to sleep even better tonight. I was thrilled. An old friend who worked at the hospital came to say hello and encourage me. Shortly after, my friend from the Tracy Pregnancy Resource Center (assistant director) brought me coffee and visited while I also chatted with my wonderful parents. The usual blood draws and checks continued throughout but I felt so encouraged. I explained what I could to my parents about what was happening and thanked them for coming to get my kiddos for a few days so I could continue to get better and David could go back to work again.
They all left to meet David to get my kiddos. I knew that it was the best place for them now, as Mom didn't have work this week and they would get time also with my younger siblings and be loved on like crazy. Again, I was finding peace but acknowledging my own insecurities. That was okay. My hubby soon popped in the room to spend the evening with me. I knew he would be company but that was all I needed.
So here I am sitting here in front of one of my favorite shows catching up the best I can. Its long. I understand that but I need you to remember something: God is in control. We are not. I have no idea why I am walking this path and why I have to hurt so much this year. I know I will make it out and so will my hubby. We are choosing to focus on our relationship and our family even more over the next 6 months plus. I am nervous but excited for what this means. We really can't afford most of our bills but I know God is in control and I don't regret declaring this our year of faith. I hope to blog more before and after leaving the hospital and letting you see my heart. I hope to continue to be transparent and open, and if it helps someone, then great.
As I close this out, I am hooked up to several IVs, a heart monitor and am listening to my sweet David get some much needed rest. Please continue to pray for him, myself and our family. This is a long road we are on but I know we will overcome. If nothing else, I am reminded of how amazing life is and how God certainly does not give up on me. He has a purpose. I don't know what it is but it exists and I am thrilled for the road ahead.
That's all for now... look for more updates...
*Melis*
Praying for you!!
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