God Bless,
Melis
Showing posts with label Hubby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hubby. Show all posts
Monday, May 23, 2016
Time to breach my comfort zone...
When I promised to write and write again, I will admit, it was a little harder than I expected. When life gets hard, I tend to clam up. And when it gets harder than I expected, I tend to shut down. You see, last summer my family moved for what we thought was the job opportunity that would change everything for us, especially for my husband. All seemed to be going well enough.. until this past February when my husband was told to fix things in the next six weeks or face demotion or loss of job completely. Unfortunately, no specific goals were given so my sweet hubby did everything he could. And at the end of the day, we thought he had done it... but the "big boss" did nor agree. So for the next six weeks, we went from just holding on financially, to half of that and sinking hard. We had some help but ultimately did not see how we could go on. However, after 6 weeks after being demoted, he was repromoted... sort of in a training capacity, with less pay, lacking a benefit and a bit more gas in the tank to get to and from work. Of course by now, the new-to-us 2nd car had proved to be a disaster and is now days to weeks from leading us back to a 1 car life... So, I decided to take a chance. I started looking for anything I could do from home with three kiddos all summer without a vehicle most days. I looked into surveys and mystery shopping. I researched what I could do with my own skills. I dabbled and truthfully am keeping some on the back burner just in case. But we needed more, so I took a leap... and I am determined to breach my comfort zone more than I ever have because I truly believe this is the solution to our problems... We will see if it pays off. I am betting it will. If you want to know more, contact me. I am just a button and a few words away.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
O-N-E H-U-N-D-R-E-D
When I started this blog, I was a few months into grieving the loss of my first angel...
my third child...
My intent was to share with other women that they were not alone...
I wanted other people to know that miscarriage, still birth, and baby loss happens...
that it is real, and there are women who go through it... often twice, three times, or more...
I wanted my words to possibly help even one woman know that she was not the only one..
and that there are support groups...
and organizations...
and people who can help...
and who care...
I did not know at the time, however what was ahead of me in that year...
the year we first chose a family word...
FAITH...
David warned me. He told me that word was like setting ourselves up...
I knew... God would do what God would do and He would allow what He would allow...
This was our chance to step out and say we trusted Him, that we had FAITH. He agreed.
Well, as many of you now know, that word clearly defined our year that unfolded in front of us. Two thousand thirteen was a year full of challenges... and not small ones. Just before Mother's Day, we discovered we were pregnant again. We were thrilled and a bit nervous, but mostly excited. We kept it mostly to ourselves, telling only a handful of people. We found out at fifteen weeks we had lost another baby... Five days later, I was diagnosed at the age of twenty-eight, on our sixth wedding anniversary with a pulmonary embolism, a large clot in my lungs. Over the next four days in the hospital, I learned I had an inherited clotting disorder that was likely the source of ALL of this.
The following six months were all about getting better. I had my blood drawn so frequently, I made friends with two of the ladies who worked there, to the point where I would not go to any other lab... ever. I was constantly adjusting my medication to align with my INR levels from those blood draws. Meanwhile, I was still in a lot of pain most days, so I was on pain medication for it. When the time came for my scan and then my six month follow up, I was nervous but so excited. On my Daddy's birthday, I found out I was free of Coumadin and the pain was gone. I no longer needed the pain medication either and I had no side effects. I felt like I got a huge present on my Daddy's birthday. It felt freeing...
It was around this time I finally started to feel well enough to take better care of myself. Someone I knew from church posted about P90X3. I had already had some past success with P90X and I loved the idea that I only needed to work out thirty minutes a day with this one. A month in, I was hooked and a month after that, I was signed up as a Beachbody coach. I was on board, excited and I was changing my life. I was losing weight, building muscle I did not know I had and I was seeing a future. I was seeing a chance for life after multiple losses and a pulmonary embolism. I was living a life on aspirin but that was not going to define me. I was going to get healthier, fitter and be more in control of my own life, and I was going to take my family along for the ride... because if anyone deserved it, they did. David had seen me at my worst. He had not only stuck by me but he had supported me, encouraged me and seen to the kids needs whenever I could not. My kids never saw me different it seemed either. They loved on me and knew I was not whole somehow but they cared and wanted me anyway. My family needed this. So I was going to make these changes for them.
Something interesting happens when you immerse yourself in something... it changes you. It takes you to on an adventure that you cannot predict. You think you are in control but each of those decisions takes you somewhere else. Yes, I wanted to lose weight but I was learning that with that weight loss, I was getting stronger, and not just physically (which was pretty awesome on its own, let's be honest) but I was starting to think more for myself. I was not depending on David for as much. I was starting to do activities I enjoyed again. I was cooking, baking, running, swimming, writing more... I was making decisions firmly again; I was not waffling so much. I was building confidence back that I once had but it was different this time. It was ALL different this time...
It sure seemed that way. I was twenty-five lbs down, I was working out six days a week. I was eating better than I had ever before. I was working out at least an hour each day and I was setting goals and challenges and not letting injuries or other obstacles stop me. They were aiding me, teaching me more about myself and who I was, who I could be. I liked it. I was ready to crush more programs and goals and take on the world! Truthfully, I felt like my own version of Wonder Woman. I knew who I was and no matter what happened next, I was confident I could handle it; David and I could handle it. We were equipped, prepared and in control. Good news or bad news, the world was ours.
And then we found out we were pregnant... We had just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. We were less than a month out from Joy starting first grade. David had just received a promotion at work and our sweet kiddos seemed genuinely happy. No one had been sick in months. I tell you the honest truth, I froze...
Since the moment my hematologist cleared me of my pulmonary embolism, I was ecstatic, not just because I was healed... but because I wanted so badly to have my baby... my rainbow baby... the one that fulfilled the promise that we were able to still have kiddos, the one that meant my hematologist was right and we now not only had a reason for my losses and six additional months "out of commission" but for a solution to it as well. In theory, it all made sense and it seemed great....
Reality is cruel some days. For so long, you just pray and imagine and wonder what it will be like one day to have your greatest dream come true and when you are on the brink of it, all of your worst fears and insecurities come rushing right back. And during the first sixteen weeks of my pregnancy (twelve since I found out), that is where I was. My blood pressure was higher, my days were quieter. I was more withdrawn. I initially excitedly told people, only to be reminded each day that anything was possible and we were not safe yet. Additionally, I had morning sickness like never before, as well as fatigue day in and day out. Parts of me physically hurt so much that I could not figure out how to even walk for exercise... me... the person who had thrived on and lived on and ingrained in myself this idea that exercise was a part of me...
A part of me... Fitness had become a piece of the person I saw myself to be long term, the person I was developing and becoming as an adult... as a mature, healthy, well-rounded adult... It was THAT important to me that I crumbled repeatedly at the thought of not showing that side of me... over and over and over again. I wanted so much to prove to women that you could be fit and pregnant. I wanted to be that woman who looked like she could take on the world, even when I was thwarted by pregnancy annoyances. After all, I had seen other women do it, read their posts and seen photos of what they were eating during pregnancy, how they were continuing their fitness regimen and how great it made them feel... and how much better their labor was because of it. And then I realized... I was jealous. I was jealous of the women who did not feel pregnancy the way I did this time around or at least did not appear to feel it the way I did.
Sixteen weeks arrived, and thanks to a sweet friend and a special at our ultrasound place, we got to see our princess, kicking around... with a heartbeat... I think that is when I finally let my breath out for the first time in this entire pregnancy. The daily injections of Lovenox were working. My body worked. My baby looked as healthy as her older brother and sister did. She was even measuring ahead by a week already (thanks to her father's genes, haha), just as her older siblings did at that point as well. She was the cutest baby we had seen in a very long time. And when we picked up Joy from school that day, she shrieked and turned around and told one of her teachers she was going to have a sister. My heart lit up like letters on a Wheel of Fortune board.
Over the next few weeks, I found strength and some energy and started to walk again. I was still sick as a dog most days but I was seeing the hope I had not seen for months. Just that picture of my newest little girl kicking made me smile. And not more than a week after we saw that ultrasound, I felt those first kicks, right on schedule, just like her older brother and sister. My back still hurt as well but I kept trying to stay positive as people reminded me over and over that she was fine, growing, even thriving... The closer I got to the New Year, the more hopeful I got, the more ecstatic I got. I started thinking about running new challenge groups, one right out of the gate in the New Year. A group of ladies committed to check in and get a health tip and talk about what it meant and apply it as able. It was simple and for 21 days, that is exactly what many did. It helped remind me of something I had forgotten...
We have seasons in life. Some of them are longer or shorter. Some are ridiculously fun. Some are more challenging. Some pass by without being noticed. Some contain combinations of challenges, fantastic news, and moments that pass us by. But the point is, seasons exist. And each season ultimately comes to an end, transitioning into another. I have often noticed they overlap as well in certain areas. Anytime when I am in one of my harder seasons, I remind myself that it will not last forever, no matter how long it may seem at the time. This is what we went through during our Year of Faith. And when the following year hit, our promise was to be content, no matter what. Considering that year had no huge hurdles, I think there were times we questioned if we were more faithful than content... And yet, she was conceived during this year, found to be a girl during this year, one growing and thriving inside of me like I had only dreamed...
I often think of two-thousand-fourteen as our transition year. We had it rough for a year, worked out some kinks and frustrations the following year and then we needed to make some serious decisions during two-thousand-fifteen. We wanted to leave the excuses behind us. No one would make us feel inferior. No one would determine whether or not we were happy or content ;-) No one else had the power over us. Only God was in control. We would be setting goals and making plans (to the best of our abilities). We would be embracing this year like no other. We would LIVE. I always make sure to emphasize (I hope) that this word is a verb, an action. It is NOT passive by any means. We would trust God. We would do what we could within His will. This included David's job, my working, our children, our living situation... absolutely everything...
So it may or may not surprise you to find out that one of those aspects of my life that I have struggled most with in recent weeks is confidence... I lack it. As I work on my business, I question myself constantly. I wonder if I am pressuring myself to the point of failure. I constantly question whether I am a good enough mother or not. My son did not get a good lunch. My daughter did not get much time with mommy today. Homework did not get finished. The house is still a complete mess, possibly worse when David walks in the door at night. There is a tantrum and not only do I not know how to stop it, I do not know what is causing it. I tell my kids to wait. One of them breaks something. I worry if I am eating enough. Will my baby be okay? It is a constant battle these days.
So in light of this constant struggle as of late, I decided to try an experiment... nothing fancy but with my thirtieth birthday approaching in the next few months, I decided to ask around thirty friends for a word that describes me, no other instructions included. Now some simply declined and some gave me multiple ones. Some gave me words that really made me think. Others repeated a word another had given me, some of which I did not expect to see even once. Now where am I going with this? It is about perspective. The people who know you best, the people who care about you... they do not see your flaws like you do. Now, they may be the ones to approach you if something really is off because they care but they do not sit there and complain about you constantly and anything that may be "wrong" with you. So, why do I? How is it even possible for me to LIVE when I am so focused on all of these negative aspects I see in myself, a human trying to do my best? It really is not possible to LIVE fully. So I decided to delve in and see how I was actually perceived...
Some of the words I have struggled with the most are strong, beautiful, and brave...
Why? Because I have fought against a perception that I feel weak most of my life, because I am a woman who does not often see the beauty in who she truly is unless I am feeling good, and because when life fell down around my family and I, I did what I thought I needed to do, never once seeing it as anything other than that.
A word that surprised me... enduring...
This goes along with the words, strong and brave, I struggle with it a little but like the perspective. I truly believe without God, we would be finished and I would be forever depressed in a hole. I do not believer I could endure life without His continual promises.
Some words that encourage me... compassionate, supportive, genuine...
I love to hear these kinds of words! I need to remember them! These are things I strive for on a regular basis so it is nice to see that I am emanating them to others.
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~ Marilyn Monroe
I came across this quote and could not help but see it as incredibly meaningful for where I am now. It has been more than two years since we said goodbye to our first angel and there are days I still cry and mourn his loss. There are days where I still question God. And as far as we have come in our journey as a family, it still makes us sad. I have always found a way to explain to others that it has to be a part of something so much bigger but I have only been able to point to my best guess as to what that is. Perhaps, it was not just so I could share with you my journey and to help others but to help us see how important health is... and life. Without the passing of our dear Squirt, I would have never started this blog. I might not have seen the depth of how God can work in one person ,one couple, one family... as He has in ours. Upon losing Little One and being diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism and Factor V Leiden all within about a week during the summer of two-thousand-thirteen, I became more open to the fact that perhaps God has bigger plans for us as a family and I needed to make some changes.
As previously mentioned, I have struggled with my own self confidence and opinion of myself at times... often actually. I have been hyper-aware of how I believed I was perceived and always felt like I needed to fight against this idea that I was weak, frail, miniscule, unimportant... I have never wanted to upset people, ruffle feathers, branch out too far. If it was comfortable or a little outside of my comfort zone, I could be happy... but I never pushed much. I never wanted to offend people by accident. I did not want to open up my insecurities that far. I was scared. I am scared. So maybe it is about learning that its okay to pray big dreams, work hard to achieve them and try hard enough to reach people that they just might be offended, but do it in a way that still shows my care and love for them. I do not have to be timid in sharing any part of my journey or any part of my future or any part of how it has changed my life or my family's for the better. This is who I am and this is who I want to be. I want to break free and share...
blog.jpg)
In about seven to nine weeks, we will be welcoming a new baby girl into our family. We will be in yet another new phase of our family and our lives and in a lot of ways, we will have come full circle from that day in January when we received the worst news of our lives to date, that we had lost our baby, Squirt. It by no means erases our memories or thoughts of our babies gone too soon or my health going into limbo for so long. It does not negate our views on family or life. If anything, it just enhances them and makes them that much more clear. I have learned SO much about who I am as a wife, a mother, a baby loss mother, a Beachbody coach, a friend, a daughter, a sister and a woman in Christ... Through all of our struggles, God has remained FAITHFUL and I plan to return the favor. I plan to LIVE this year, no excuses... I will be INTENTIONAL and GENUINE even when it hurts, even when others do not like it. I will push harder and work more carefully to achieve my goals and set up a future for my family that I am proud of... and I will never, ever forget how God blessed me with the absolute best friend and husband in the world, my David!
.jpg)
That is all for now...
As always,
Melis
.jpg)
Copyright Photos @Sara Story Photography
sarastory2008@gmail.com, (831) 588-7345
my third child...
My intent was to share with other women that they were not alone...
I wanted other people to know that miscarriage, still birth, and baby loss happens...
that it is real, and there are women who go through it... often twice, three times, or more...
I wanted my words to possibly help even one woman know that she was not the only one..
and that there are support groups...
and organizations...
and people who can help...
and who care...
I did not know at the time, however what was ahead of me in that year...
the year we first chose a family word...
FAITH...
David warned me. He told me that word was like setting ourselves up...
I knew... God would do what God would do and He would allow what He would allow...
This was our chance to step out and say we trusted Him, that we had FAITH. He agreed.
Well, as many of you now know, that word clearly defined our year that unfolded in front of us. Two thousand thirteen was a year full of challenges... and not small ones. Just before Mother's Day, we discovered we were pregnant again. We were thrilled and a bit nervous, but mostly excited. We kept it mostly to ourselves, telling only a handful of people. We found out at fifteen weeks we had lost another baby... Five days later, I was diagnosed at the age of twenty-eight, on our sixth wedding anniversary with a pulmonary embolism, a large clot in my lungs. Over the next four days in the hospital, I learned I had an inherited clotting disorder that was likely the source of ALL of this.
The following six months were all about getting better. I had my blood drawn so frequently, I made friends with two of the ladies who worked there, to the point where I would not go to any other lab... ever. I was constantly adjusting my medication to align with my INR levels from those blood draws. Meanwhile, I was still in a lot of pain most days, so I was on pain medication for it. When the time came for my scan and then my six month follow up, I was nervous but so excited. On my Daddy's birthday, I found out I was free of Coumadin and the pain was gone. I no longer needed the pain medication either and I had no side effects. I felt like I got a huge present on my Daddy's birthday. It felt freeing...
It was around this time I finally started to feel well enough to take better care of myself. Someone I knew from church posted about P90X3. I had already had some past success with P90X and I loved the idea that I only needed to work out thirty minutes a day with this one. A month in, I was hooked and a month after that, I was signed up as a Beachbody coach. I was on board, excited and I was changing my life. I was losing weight, building muscle I did not know I had and I was seeing a future. I was seeing a chance for life after multiple losses and a pulmonary embolism. I was living a life on aspirin but that was not going to define me. I was going to get healthier, fitter and be more in control of my own life, and I was going to take my family along for the ride... because if anyone deserved it, they did. David had seen me at my worst. He had not only stuck by me but he had supported me, encouraged me and seen to the kids needs whenever I could not. My kids never saw me different it seemed either. They loved on me and knew I was not whole somehow but they cared and wanted me anyway. My family needed this. So I was going to make these changes for them.
Something interesting happens when you immerse yourself in something... it changes you. It takes you to on an adventure that you cannot predict. You think you are in control but each of those decisions takes you somewhere else. Yes, I wanted to lose weight but I was learning that with that weight loss, I was getting stronger, and not just physically (which was pretty awesome on its own, let's be honest) but I was starting to think more for myself. I was not depending on David for as much. I was starting to do activities I enjoyed again. I was cooking, baking, running, swimming, writing more... I was making decisions firmly again; I was not waffling so much. I was building confidence back that I once had but it was different this time. It was ALL different this time...
It sure seemed that way. I was twenty-five lbs down, I was working out six days a week. I was eating better than I had ever before. I was working out at least an hour each day and I was setting goals and challenges and not letting injuries or other obstacles stop me. They were aiding me, teaching me more about myself and who I was, who I could be. I liked it. I was ready to crush more programs and goals and take on the world! Truthfully, I felt like my own version of Wonder Woman. I knew who I was and no matter what happened next, I was confident I could handle it; David and I could handle it. We were equipped, prepared and in control. Good news or bad news, the world was ours.
And then we found out we were pregnant... We had just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. We were less than a month out from Joy starting first grade. David had just received a promotion at work and our sweet kiddos seemed genuinely happy. No one had been sick in months. I tell you the honest truth, I froze...
Since the moment my hematologist cleared me of my pulmonary embolism, I was ecstatic, not just because I was healed... but because I wanted so badly to have my baby... my rainbow baby... the one that fulfilled the promise that we were able to still have kiddos, the one that meant my hematologist was right and we now not only had a reason for my losses and six additional months "out of commission" but for a solution to it as well. In theory, it all made sense and it seemed great....
Reality is cruel some days. For so long, you just pray and imagine and wonder what it will be like one day to have your greatest dream come true and when you are on the brink of it, all of your worst fears and insecurities come rushing right back. And during the first sixteen weeks of my pregnancy (twelve since I found out), that is where I was. My blood pressure was higher, my days were quieter. I was more withdrawn. I initially excitedly told people, only to be reminded each day that anything was possible and we were not safe yet. Additionally, I had morning sickness like never before, as well as fatigue day in and day out. Parts of me physically hurt so much that I could not figure out how to even walk for exercise... me... the person who had thrived on and lived on and ingrained in myself this idea that exercise was a part of me...
A part of me... Fitness had become a piece of the person I saw myself to be long term, the person I was developing and becoming as an adult... as a mature, healthy, well-rounded adult... It was THAT important to me that I crumbled repeatedly at the thought of not showing that side of me... over and over and over again. I wanted so much to prove to women that you could be fit and pregnant. I wanted to be that woman who looked like she could take on the world, even when I was thwarted by pregnancy annoyances. After all, I had seen other women do it, read their posts and seen photos of what they were eating during pregnancy, how they were continuing their fitness regimen and how great it made them feel... and how much better their labor was because of it. And then I realized... I was jealous. I was jealous of the women who did not feel pregnancy the way I did this time around or at least did not appear to feel it the way I did.
Sixteen weeks arrived, and thanks to a sweet friend and a special at our ultrasound place, we got to see our princess, kicking around... with a heartbeat... I think that is when I finally let my breath out for the first time in this entire pregnancy. The daily injections of Lovenox were working. My body worked. My baby looked as healthy as her older brother and sister did. She was even measuring ahead by a week already (thanks to her father's genes, haha), just as her older siblings did at that point as well. She was the cutest baby we had seen in a very long time. And when we picked up Joy from school that day, she shrieked and turned around and told one of her teachers she was going to have a sister. My heart lit up like letters on a Wheel of Fortune board.
Over the next few weeks, I found strength and some energy and started to walk again. I was still sick as a dog most days but I was seeing the hope I had not seen for months. Just that picture of my newest little girl kicking made me smile. And not more than a week after we saw that ultrasound, I felt those first kicks, right on schedule, just like her older brother and sister. My back still hurt as well but I kept trying to stay positive as people reminded me over and over that she was fine, growing, even thriving... The closer I got to the New Year, the more hopeful I got, the more ecstatic I got. I started thinking about running new challenge groups, one right out of the gate in the New Year. A group of ladies committed to check in and get a health tip and talk about what it meant and apply it as able. It was simple and for 21 days, that is exactly what many did. It helped remind me of something I had forgotten...
We have seasons in life. Some of them are longer or shorter. Some are ridiculously fun. Some are more challenging. Some pass by without being noticed. Some contain combinations of challenges, fantastic news, and moments that pass us by. But the point is, seasons exist. And each season ultimately comes to an end, transitioning into another. I have often noticed they overlap as well in certain areas. Anytime when I am in one of my harder seasons, I remind myself that it will not last forever, no matter how long it may seem at the time. This is what we went through during our Year of Faith. And when the following year hit, our promise was to be content, no matter what. Considering that year had no huge hurdles, I think there were times we questioned if we were more faithful than content... And yet, she was conceived during this year, found to be a girl during this year, one growing and thriving inside of me like I had only dreamed...
I often think of two-thousand-fourteen as our transition year. We had it rough for a year, worked out some kinks and frustrations the following year and then we needed to make some serious decisions during two-thousand-fifteen. We wanted to leave the excuses behind us. No one would make us feel inferior. No one would determine whether or not we were happy or content ;-) No one else had the power over us. Only God was in control. We would be setting goals and making plans (to the best of our abilities). We would be embracing this year like no other. We would LIVE. I always make sure to emphasize (I hope) that this word is a verb, an action. It is NOT passive by any means. We would trust God. We would do what we could within His will. This included David's job, my working, our children, our living situation... absolutely everything...
So it may or may not surprise you to find out that one of those aspects of my life that I have struggled most with in recent weeks is confidence... I lack it. As I work on my business, I question myself constantly. I wonder if I am pressuring myself to the point of failure. I constantly question whether I am a good enough mother or not. My son did not get a good lunch. My daughter did not get much time with mommy today. Homework did not get finished. The house is still a complete mess, possibly worse when David walks in the door at night. There is a tantrum and not only do I not know how to stop it, I do not know what is causing it. I tell my kids to wait. One of them breaks something. I worry if I am eating enough. Will my baby be okay? It is a constant battle these days.
So in light of this constant struggle as of late, I decided to try an experiment... nothing fancy but with my thirtieth birthday approaching in the next few months, I decided to ask around thirty friends for a word that describes me, no other instructions included. Now some simply declined and some gave me multiple ones. Some gave me words that really made me think. Others repeated a word another had given me, some of which I did not expect to see even once. Now where am I going with this? It is about perspective. The people who know you best, the people who care about you... they do not see your flaws like you do. Now, they may be the ones to approach you if something really is off because they care but they do not sit there and complain about you constantly and anything that may be "wrong" with you. So, why do I? How is it even possible for me to LIVE when I am so focused on all of these negative aspects I see in myself, a human trying to do my best? It really is not possible to LIVE fully. So I decided to delve in and see how I was actually perceived...
Some of the words I have struggled with the most are strong, beautiful, and brave...
Why? Because I have fought against a perception that I feel weak most of my life, because I am a woman who does not often see the beauty in who she truly is unless I am feeling good, and because when life fell down around my family and I, I did what I thought I needed to do, never once seeing it as anything other than that.
A word that surprised me... enduring...
This goes along with the words, strong and brave, I struggle with it a little but like the perspective. I truly believe without God, we would be finished and I would be forever depressed in a hole. I do not believer I could endure life without His continual promises.
Some words that encourage me... compassionate, supportive, genuine...
I love to hear these kinds of words! I need to remember them! These are things I strive for on a regular basis so it is nice to see that I am emanating them to others.
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~ Marilyn Monroe
I came across this quote and could not help but see it as incredibly meaningful for where I am now. It has been more than two years since we said goodbye to our first angel and there are days I still cry and mourn his loss. There are days where I still question God. And as far as we have come in our journey as a family, it still makes us sad. I have always found a way to explain to others that it has to be a part of something so much bigger but I have only been able to point to my best guess as to what that is. Perhaps, it was not just so I could share with you my journey and to help others but to help us see how important health is... and life. Without the passing of our dear Squirt, I would have never started this blog. I might not have seen the depth of how God can work in one person ,one couple, one family... as He has in ours. Upon losing Little One and being diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism and Factor V Leiden all within about a week during the summer of two-thousand-thirteen, I became more open to the fact that perhaps God has bigger plans for us as a family and I needed to make some changes.
As previously mentioned, I have struggled with my own self confidence and opinion of myself at times... often actually. I have been hyper-aware of how I believed I was perceived and always felt like I needed to fight against this idea that I was weak, frail, miniscule, unimportant... I have never wanted to upset people, ruffle feathers, branch out too far. If it was comfortable or a little outside of my comfort zone, I could be happy... but I never pushed much. I never wanted to offend people by accident. I did not want to open up my insecurities that far. I was scared. I am scared. So maybe it is about learning that its okay to pray big dreams, work hard to achieve them and try hard enough to reach people that they just might be offended, but do it in a way that still shows my care and love for them. I do not have to be timid in sharing any part of my journey or any part of my future or any part of how it has changed my life or my family's for the better. This is who I am and this is who I want to be. I want to break free and share...
blog.jpg)
In about seven to nine weeks, we will be welcoming a new baby girl into our family. We will be in yet another new phase of our family and our lives and in a lot of ways, we will have come full circle from that day in January when we received the worst news of our lives to date, that we had lost our baby, Squirt. It by no means erases our memories or thoughts of our babies gone too soon or my health going into limbo for so long. It does not negate our views on family or life. If anything, it just enhances them and makes them that much more clear. I have learned SO much about who I am as a wife, a mother, a baby loss mother, a Beachbody coach, a friend, a daughter, a sister and a woman in Christ... Through all of our struggles, God has remained FAITHFUL and I plan to return the favor. I plan to LIVE this year, no excuses... I will be INTENTIONAL and GENUINE even when it hurts, even when others do not like it. I will push harder and work more carefully to achieve my goals and set up a future for my family that I am proud of... and I will never, ever forget how God blessed me with the absolute best friend and husband in the world, my David!
.jpg)
That is all for now...
As always,
Melis
.jpg)
Copyright Photos @Sara Story Photography
sarastory2008@gmail.com, (831) 588-7345
Friday, January 16, 2015
What About This Week!
I've been meaning to write for days but made up plenty of excuses why each time I thought about it was the wrong time. I might have been in a bad mood or I didn't know what to write or I was about to fall asleep or... fill in the blank! So today I am writing.
It has been a strange-ish week around here. My kiddos hadn't been sick in ages but sure enough, Joy started coming down with something Monday, on her home school day so we put her to bed early with only half of her homework done and prayed for the best. She coughed and coughed despite the medicine her sweet Daddy gave her so we opted to keep her home from school for the first time this school year on Tuesday. Tuesday we had hoped she would perk up and feel better. Sure enough, she got her homework finished but she was tired and dragged a bit... and as soon as nighttime hit, the coughing was back. So her sweet Daddy took her temp... 99.8, borderline and gave her medicine again. By early morning her temp was down a little but we wanted to make sure she was really feeling better, so we kept her home one more day on Wednesday. Sure enough, she followed me to my OB appt with their office knowing ahead of time she was getting over something and she didn't cough at all from 8am-3pm. She didn't blow her nose either. And when nighttime came she coughed only a few times and slept the rest of the night through. She was thrilled of course, when her Daddy woke her up to go on a special field trip with her school Thursday. I heart grand stories last night and received a very smiley girl, happy to be alive! So today she went back to school and Micah and I are currently taking it easy and being buddies today :-D
Because of Joy being sick, I canceled most of my plans for the week which was probably good because the new medicine I am on for nausea is currently knocking me out or at least leaving me super drowsy while I adjust to it. I was however able to see a good friend and talk plans and dreams with life and business which was a nice way to start my day today. I am enjoying meeting new friends with common bonds through a pregnancy Facebook group and am learning that there is life even during the hardest pregnancy and there will be life afterwards. The struggles we go through often feel as through we're barely keeping our heads above the water but often teach us so much and give us opportunities we never would have had otherwise. I am feeling less down than I was earlier in the week and am looking forward to what this weekend and next week brings!
How about you? What are you looking forward to? What are you enjoying now?
As always,
Melis
Sunday, January 4, 2015
The 12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 10 ~ Making Progress
Can you believe we're on Day 10 already? It feels like time is suddenly flying by. My oldest, my sweet Joy Joy goes back to school this week. I'll be driving more again but at least the routine will come more naturally to us. Tomorrow is David's day off. I have my glucose tolerance test... bleh. I get to meet up with a good friend though. And get this... I might just get a nap... maybe.
Today I woke up thoroughly exhausted. (I am noticing a trend.) I headed out for coffee and was amazed to realize when I got back how motivated I was. You know what? I am working on a website. I am super excited about it too. I have wanted to do this for a long time but have not had the drive or determination to get it going and keep it up. I finally think I am in the right place to do it though. It is in the VERY earliest stages so not published yet but I am excited as to how it is shaping up. I will let you know when it is up!
I also worked a little bit on my challenge group starting up tomorrow... New Year, New You ~ 21 Days to Reset & Restart ~ https://www.facebook.com/groups/newyearreset/ <--- Click to join! I am excited about the tips and motivation I have to share with you. I feel so blessed at all that I have learned during this past year despite its ups and downs.
I am reminded over and over about how just because you wake up feeling iffy does not mean your day has to continue or end that way. YOU do have some power. You can CHOOSE to better your day even if you are tired or not feeling well. You cannot choose what happens to you but you can choose how to react to it and how to interact with those that you encounter. Anyway you look at it, you're blessed. God has put you on this earth for a reason and I am glad you are here!
As always,
Melis
Today I woke up thoroughly exhausted. (I am noticing a trend.) I headed out for coffee and was amazed to realize when I got back how motivated I was. You know what? I am working on a website. I am super excited about it too. I have wanted to do this for a long time but have not had the drive or determination to get it going and keep it up. I finally think I am in the right place to do it though. It is in the VERY earliest stages so not published yet but I am excited as to how it is shaping up. I will let you know when it is up!
I also worked a little bit on my challenge group starting up tomorrow... New Year, New You ~ 21 Days to Reset & Restart ~ https://www.facebook.com/groups/newyearreset/ <--- Click to join! I am excited about the tips and motivation I have to share with you. I feel so blessed at all that I have learned during this past year despite its ups and downs.
I am reminded over and over about how just because you wake up feeling iffy does not mean your day has to continue or end that way. YOU do have some power. You can CHOOSE to better your day even if you are tired or not feeling well. You cannot choose what happens to you but you can choose how to react to it and how to interact with those that you encounter. Anyway you look at it, you're blessed. God has put you on this earth for a reason and I am glad you are here!
As always,
Melis
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Day 9 ~ The 12 Days After Christmas ~ Off day, anyone?
So glad to have my family...
They're pretty good at adapting. This motivated mommy was not feeling well today. Still am not. Guessing it's primarily a combo of pregnancy discomforts. After my last appt on Monday I was doing pretty well and it was nice to know that I had the backups to help manage pain and nausea and help me sleep as needed. However, after attempting to go to bed early last night and failing, I woke up beyond exhausted and sore, despite the fact that it appeared I got more than 10 hours of sleep. Oh the joys of pregnancy.
They're pretty good at adapting. This motivated mommy was not feeling well today. Still am not. Guessing it's primarily a combo of pregnancy discomforts. After my last appt on Monday I was doing pretty well and it was nice to know that I had the backups to help manage pain and nausea and help me sleep as needed. However, after attempting to go to bed early last night and failing, I woke up beyond exhausted and sore, despite the fact that it appeared I got more than 10 hours of sleep. Oh the joys of pregnancy.
With around 3 months to go, my kids adapted well to my basic menu for meals and lack of organization for the day. I even got a 20 minute nap. While I realize some of these things are unavoidable until our little princess arrives, I am thankful for my kiddos on my off days... because who doesn't have off days?
Tomorrow will be a new day. We'll go to church and spend some time together and celebrate the fact that David will be off the following day... finally. I am looking forward to pressing on and working through these days. They're apart of the journey after all.
As always,
Melis
Melis
Friday, January 2, 2015
Coming back to my WHY... (12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 8)
"I'm sorry. There's no heartbeat."
There are no words to express exactly what flooded my mind or heart right then. But there was hurt and confusion and the realization that I was one of them, those women who would have a baby pass in my womb with no warning whatsoever. What followed was a bit of a blur. There was a hospital visit, pain, crying, waiting and phone calls... and a lot of wondering.
But still, only months after that horrible news we were pregnant again. And just before Mother's Day. We were ecstatic but cautious. We were given the impression this happens to people, families... Even my doctor seemed confident. Until that day in July when we received the news yet again, This time I insisted on an immediate ultrasound and attention. And we were there again. My doctor was to be out of town for the following 2 weeks but assured me we would run tests, check in etc. when he was back, He did not however seem confident this would yield any results but maybe...
5 days later I was recovering when I had the absolute worst pain my chest I had ever had in my life. I just could not catch a breath. Hubby insisted we go to the hospital. Three and a half hours after entering the ER, I was finally seen. Two hours later I was informed that I had a pulmonary embolism and would be admitted... on our wedding anniversary. Hubby was in shock and my kids were not happy Mommy was not coming home. I had a strange feeling of relief and sadness all mixed in.
But while there I was enlightened. I had a clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden. It was most likely the reason my babies only made it to 13-14 & 15 weeks since that is around when the placenta was taking over. My blood just kept clotting and they couldn't get what they needed. And I was released four days later on Lovenox and Coumadin. I was able to stop Lovenox is less than 2 weeks. For the next 6 months, I took Coumadin daily to shrink and ultimately get rid of the clot in my lungs. Additionally, I had blood draw after blood draw, sometimes 3 times a week just to get my INR in the therapeutic range. I was also on Norco for pain. I thought this would be short lived but soon learned that the pain never would fully go away until the clot did. I rarely knew why some weeks were so much harder but I trusted that this part of the journey would likely be short term in the grand scheme of things. These things were just apart of it. Ultimately, I needed to accept that.
Well, it did pass. What started on a day that was so celebratory ended on a day that truly was celebratory, my Daddy's birthday. I was given the all clear. There was no clot and I could go off of the Coumadin for good as long as no blood clot emerged again. I was instructed by my hematologist to start on aspirin and ultimately stay on it for life. He also reminded us that we likely could have a baby again but would need to switch to Lovenox for the duration. We agreed... and I felt a sense of relief. Suddenly life was about more than surviving. It took me some time but I ultimately fell into a rhythm, started P90X3 and really started learning about what it was going to take to be healthy again. I could not focus solely on having a baby but needed to see the bigger picture for my family.
I lost 25 lbs during the next 6 months. Shortly after being cleared by my doctor, I signed up as a Beachbody Coach and then sat back and watched and took it all in. By summer of 2014, I was not only a healthy weight but I was running again, swimming again and all around feeling great. I had found my love of being healthy for not just my family but for me. I was less dependent on others for my own happiness. And then the miracle happened...
We found out we were pregnant. We were thrilled but scared out of our minds. This was the ultimate test, We saw our hopes wrapped up in this rainbow baby. For the first 16 weeks of my pregnancy, I was practically a shell again. I was nervous and teary and exhausted too. I threw up frequently. I was sore early on and there were days I could barely get out of bed. Each ultrasound David and I attended together pensive but hoping. And when we saw her at 16 weeks moving up a storm, something clicked again.
I was reminded that this beautiful rainbow baby girl was not our only miracle. Given my clotting disorder, both Joy and Micah are miracles as well. And all of that time we spent surviving the near-death experience and loss of our two angels was worth it, even if the pain was horrific. You see, I did not start working out for fun. (Seriously?) I did not join Beachbody as a coach to just bring in money (although the prospect of it doesn't hurt). I started doing all of this because I wanted to honor the memory of my babies, Squirt and Little One. I wanted to be the healthy, fit mommy for my children that are here. I wanted to be the independent, silly, fun-spirited girl my husband met in middle school and ultimately fell for in college. I wanted life again. I wanted to live my calling. If wanted to honor God with everything I did. I did not want to be a shell or a piece of anything... I wanted to be GENUINE... and real.
This is why I became a Beachbody coach. I have an amazing team I am apart of and I hope to be able to bring some of you on with me. I don't think I ever saw myself as special or unique. I was "normal" if you can say that, even average. My goals are so huge now and I am determined to make some things happen this year. So as far as this year... I am going to LIVE ~ INTENTIONALly & GENUINE. I want to help get David home more this year as well and move out of this apartment. This is what I know so far. If you have any questions or want to know more, feel free to comment or message me, or click on that cool new bar at the top of this blog ;-) I am starting a new group this Monday, January 5th to help start fresh, stop looking back and move forward. I am here to just chat too :-D That's all for now.
As always,
Melis
P.S. If you are counting, we are now about 3.5 months left until baby girl is due! And there are some updates coming on her and our plans in the next week or so... stay tuned!
There are no words to express exactly what flooded my mind or heart right then. But there was hurt and confusion and the realization that I was one of them, those women who would have a baby pass in my womb with no warning whatsoever. What followed was a bit of a blur. There was a hospital visit, pain, crying, waiting and phone calls... and a lot of wondering.
But still, only months after that horrible news we were pregnant again. And just before Mother's Day. We were ecstatic but cautious. We were given the impression this happens to people, families... Even my doctor seemed confident. Until that day in July when we received the news yet again, This time I insisted on an immediate ultrasound and attention. And we were there again. My doctor was to be out of town for the following 2 weeks but assured me we would run tests, check in etc. when he was back, He did not however seem confident this would yield any results but maybe...
5 days later I was recovering when I had the absolute worst pain my chest I had ever had in my life. I just could not catch a breath. Hubby insisted we go to the hospital. Three and a half hours after entering the ER, I was finally seen. Two hours later I was informed that I had a pulmonary embolism and would be admitted... on our wedding anniversary. Hubby was in shock and my kids were not happy Mommy was not coming home. I had a strange feeling of relief and sadness all mixed in.
But while there I was enlightened. I had a clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden. It was most likely the reason my babies only made it to 13-14 & 15 weeks since that is around when the placenta was taking over. My blood just kept clotting and they couldn't get what they needed. And I was released four days later on Lovenox and Coumadin. I was able to stop Lovenox is less than 2 weeks. For the next 6 months, I took Coumadin daily to shrink and ultimately get rid of the clot in my lungs. Additionally, I had blood draw after blood draw, sometimes 3 times a week just to get my INR in the therapeutic range. I was also on Norco for pain. I thought this would be short lived but soon learned that the pain never would fully go away until the clot did. I rarely knew why some weeks were so much harder but I trusted that this part of the journey would likely be short term in the grand scheme of things. These things were just apart of it. Ultimately, I needed to accept that.
Well, it did pass. What started on a day that was so celebratory ended on a day that truly was celebratory, my Daddy's birthday. I was given the all clear. There was no clot and I could go off of the Coumadin for good as long as no blood clot emerged again. I was instructed by my hematologist to start on aspirin and ultimately stay on it for life. He also reminded us that we likely could have a baby again but would need to switch to Lovenox for the duration. We agreed... and I felt a sense of relief. Suddenly life was about more than surviving. It took me some time but I ultimately fell into a rhythm, started P90X3 and really started learning about what it was going to take to be healthy again. I could not focus solely on having a baby but needed to see the bigger picture for my family.
I lost 25 lbs during the next 6 months. Shortly after being cleared by my doctor, I signed up as a Beachbody Coach and then sat back and watched and took it all in. By summer of 2014, I was not only a healthy weight but I was running again, swimming again and all around feeling great. I had found my love of being healthy for not just my family but for me. I was less dependent on others for my own happiness. And then the miracle happened...
We found out we were pregnant. We were thrilled but scared out of our minds. This was the ultimate test, We saw our hopes wrapped up in this rainbow baby. For the first 16 weeks of my pregnancy, I was practically a shell again. I was nervous and teary and exhausted too. I threw up frequently. I was sore early on and there were days I could barely get out of bed. Each ultrasound David and I attended together pensive but hoping. And when we saw her at 16 weeks moving up a storm, something clicked again.
I was reminded that this beautiful rainbow baby girl was not our only miracle. Given my clotting disorder, both Joy and Micah are miracles as well. And all of that time we spent surviving the near-death experience and loss of our two angels was worth it, even if the pain was horrific. You see, I did not start working out for fun. (Seriously?) I did not join Beachbody as a coach to just bring in money (although the prospect of it doesn't hurt). I started doing all of this because I wanted to honor the memory of my babies, Squirt and Little One. I wanted to be the healthy, fit mommy for my children that are here. I wanted to be the independent, silly, fun-spirited girl my husband met in middle school and ultimately fell for in college. I wanted life again. I wanted to live my calling. If wanted to honor God with everything I did. I did not want to be a shell or a piece of anything... I wanted to be GENUINE... and real.
This is why I became a Beachbody coach. I have an amazing team I am apart of and I hope to be able to bring some of you on with me. I don't think I ever saw myself as special or unique. I was "normal" if you can say that, even average. My goals are so huge now and I am determined to make some things happen this year. So as far as this year... I am going to LIVE ~ INTENTIONALly & GENUINE. I want to help get David home more this year as well and move out of this apartment. This is what I know so far. If you have any questions or want to know more, feel free to comment or message me, or click on that cool new bar at the top of this blog ;-) I am starting a new group this Monday, January 5th to help start fresh, stop looking back and move forward. I am here to just chat too :-D That's all for now.
As always,
Melis
P.S. If you are counting, we are now about 3.5 months left until baby girl is due! And there are some updates coming on her and our plans in the next week or so... stay tuned!
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
The 12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 6 ~ New Year's Eve
I am not sure if it is just me but did today sneak up on you? It didn't even sink in when hubby didn't get home until 2 hours after his initial off time. In fact, I had moments today when I forgot simple things like hours of stores being affected by this "momentous occasion." I think at one point I tried to tell Joy what tomorrow was and she was more concerned about how much closer we were to her next field trip... nice, kid! Just like your mama ;-) At least that meant I got to take it easier from lunch on today for the most part. I sure felt like I have needed it. And it also helped, that hubby made cookies and gave me yummy pizza. But no, for the most part, today was just another day in this household. Hubby went to work, stayed a little longer. The kids and I ran a few errands. They went to bed fairly close to their normal bedtime. And tomorrow David s tarts 4 days of usual back-to-back shifts. Oi!
But as little of an occasion my family may see today (yay us), I am looking forward in hopes to a year of LIVing, of Life! I am looking forward to my new challenge group starting on Monday, the 5th (see my Facebook page). I am looking forward to welcoming our baby girl into the family this spring! I am looking forward to weddings, a graduation, a retreat and some other events. I am looking forward to kicking off some great traditions with my own little family and reaching a comfortable level of stability and flexibility. What are you looking for? Perhaps that is all that is on my mind at the moment as a little girl does the wave in my tummy :-p 1 hour until midnight here...
God Bless you all. See you in 2015!
As always,
Melissa
But as little of an occasion my family may see today (yay us), I am looking forward in hopes to a year of LIVing, of Life! I am looking forward to my new challenge group starting on Monday, the 5th (see my Facebook page). I am looking forward to welcoming our baby girl into the family this spring! I am looking forward to weddings, a graduation, a retreat and some other events. I am looking forward to kicking off some great traditions with my own little family and reaching a comfortable level of stability and flexibility. What are you looking for? Perhaps that is all that is on my mind at the moment as a little girl does the wave in my tummy :-p 1 hour until midnight here...
God Bless you all. See you in 2015!
As always,
Melissa
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
The 12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 5 ~ Mommy's Expectations
Another reminder in "mommyhood" ~ Just because you did it for them does not mean they will necessarily understand or appreciate it... However, if that is why you became a parent... :-/
Drove to Livermore to run a helpful errand or two and quickly discovered with a friend a last minute playdate could be arranged but not until later in the afternoon. So this mommy played "surprise" & tried to make lunch and the trips in between fun and enjoyable, despite the errands. While my 6 year old seemed to grasp this concept, my soon-to-be 3 year old could care less.
So what ensued started out reasonable but soon wore this mommy out and brought me to the edge of my own personal sanity. A now broken Christmas train decoration combined with then missing but later found socks of Micah's and a prescription for me made me seriously reconsider this lovely playdate of ours. But as much as I wanted to "teach them a lesson, " my softie, Christmas break heart took over. A closed coffee shop later, mommy and the kiddos got a 45 minute play date at the windy park. (I don't think Micah even noticed the wind though. Haha)
We ended up with errands once we made it back home but I was blessed with some help from the hubby. I am now sitting here in bed realizing I made it to 25 weeks with this little princess and tomorrow is a new day and I have no plans to go anywhere... at all! Looks like 14 more weeks max at this point!
As always,
Melis
P.S. When your doc recommends a maternity support belt that your hubby graciously buys you the same day and you immediately notice a positive change from, do not... I repeat do not forget to put it on in the morning before you leave the house!! Oi... preggo brain...
Monday, December 29, 2014
The 12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 4 ~ Hubby Blessed & Blissed!!
It isn't every day my hubby gets an actual day off from work. In fact, just because it is a new week does not guarantee that he will have one at all. (Ask our life since August! ) However, being that as it may, one thing I can say for certain is that the man I married loves me very much and quite often spends part or all of a day he actually has off to do what I like (and he would prefer not to). And by that very fact, I truly am blessed.
Last night, after spending most of the week with family, the kids and I stumbled in exhausted and I clearly wanted to sleep. Hubby was finishing his 6th shift since Friday morning. (I knew this because we were fortunate to see him for his brief dinner break when we arrived back home.) Even though our time with family has been a quite fun or relaxing experience (kids one - other me - you guess), I personally was dealing with more discomfort than my average day (which I think is saying a lot). I had done something to my upper back which was in turn hurting my chest and then as I arrived home my lower back pain started kicking in.
Tylenol to the rescue? Well, it was as much as it could be but soon enough hubby arrived home to a startled wife who slept maybe 10 minutes. I woke up 2-3 more times like this before midnight. And yet, at my plea this morning, my hubby agreed to follow me to the mall with the kiddos this morning on his day off... where I did not use my gift card and I started hurting again and requested he take me to my appt and so on and so on...
And I guess to some this might seem like no big deal. But the wait for my doctor's appointment was excessive with he and Micah attempting to sleep in the car and Joy likely bored for a good chunk of it. And after a productive appointment? He then took my doctor's advice and took me to get a maternity support belt and have a pleasant evening yet a little further from home.
And I don't know why I feel the need to document this all other then to tell you all I feel... so... blessed! I am just shy of 25 weeks pregnant and this pregnancy has been no stinkin' joke I tell you, emotionally or physically. He has not just been a trooper but a helper but really more like a self-sacrificing man who rarely tells you when he has needs to begin with.
Sometimes I wish others saw some of this side of him, the side that shows his deep love for his wife and kiddos no matter what it takes... the one who wants to give up some days but always presses on... the one who continually looks back to the Lord, even somewhat frustratingly some days and says "ok"... the one who lifts me up in prayer when I am tired or having a hard day... This man is amazing and I am so proud to be his wife and best friend!
I am still amazed that he is that guy I struck up a "random" friendship with some 17.5 year ago, who I celebrated being with 9 years in Thanksgiving and have been married to almost 7.5 of that... through thick and thin, no matter what happened. This man is NOT a saint but he is definitely My Best Friend!
As always,
Melis
Sunday, December 28, 2014
The 12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 3
I was planning on a description of the last 24 hours of our visit with family in this post but I am not feeling 100%, not even 70% so I am going to make this a brief one...
I posted a little bit on my 1st challenge group of the year on my Facebook page. I am pretty excited about getting back into it and helping some of you start a "New Year, New You" ~ I truly hope you will consider joining me. It is a mere 3 weeks and will go by so quickly and it is all about encouragement and getting reinspired in a new year. The trip was a fairly good one and we made our way home this afternoon, stopping to eat dinner with Hubby on his break this evening. Micah walked in and promptly got into several boxes & baskets while I brought up the bare necessities from the car. Abby jumped all over us to welcome us home. Since both kiddos napped today, they're both more awake than I would like but are in the process of going to sleep for the night. I plan to join them shortly in that land ;-)
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I'll be checking in again tomorrow with some more details (I hope) on things to come. God bless you all!
As always,
Melissa
I posted a little bit on my 1st challenge group of the year on my Facebook page. I am pretty excited about getting back into it and helping some of you start a "New Year, New You" ~ I truly hope you will consider joining me. It is a mere 3 weeks and will go by so quickly and it is all about encouragement and getting reinspired in a new year. The trip was a fairly good one and we made our way home this afternoon, stopping to eat dinner with Hubby on his break this evening. Micah walked in and promptly got into several boxes & baskets while I brought up the bare necessities from the car. Abby jumped all over us to welcome us home. Since both kiddos napped today, they're both more awake than I would like but are in the process of going to sleep for the night. I plan to join them shortly in that land ;-)
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I'll be checking in again tomorrow with some more details (I hope) on things to come. God bless you all!
As always,
Melissa
Saturday, December 27, 2014
12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 2... Time for a NEW Year!
Okay so it is December 27th today, not quite January 1st! However, as many of you know each year David & I select a word for the year for our family. (This will be #3!) And... we have already selected one. Well, I actually yelled it out over a week ago and further discussed it with David prior to Christmas and he agreed... I think ;-) I thought about waiting to tell you all about it until December 31st or January 1st... but seeing as my level of patience is well, not the best... I have decided to share it with you all here on my blog, on the 2nd day AFTER Christmas! Many of you may wonder what I am referring to. A few years back, I heard someone on the radio saying that instead of a list of resolutions each year, they focused on ONE word to focus on the for their family. In 2013, we focused on FAITH. This was an especially hard one but necessary one as we lost 2 babies and I was hospitalized with a pulmonary embolism this year. Some people say you get what you ask for. I say you trust God and get what you get ;-) God knew what our year would look like long before all of that went down. As a result of the hardships, we found out more about my health and how to deal with it and how to approach future pregnancies. I know we also learned a lot about our wonderfully FAITHful God!
In 2014, we hemmed back and forth and settled on CONTENTMENT for the year. I do not think we were quite 100% at this point. We were looking at where we had come from and knew we still had to wait for a clearance on my lungs and what that might mean for my health and our family down the road. We were talking more about normal, everyday things and not just trying to survive. We did not want to get complacent but we did not want to take anything for granted either. God had brought us through some truly hard, life-altering circumstances and we certainly could not and would not try to erase them. I will admit this one has been quite the struggle in comparison. Go figure, right?! It seems when life circumstances are not so drastic, we often try to take things into our own hands more than we should. God and I did a lot of talking this year about frustrations and my own struggles to trust Him and be content where He had us. And frankly, I do not know if I came out a better person for all of the arguing I actually did. Yep, arguing. As I said, this one was quite the struggle for me in the later months of the year...
This brings me to our word of 2015 which I think fits perfectly for where we are and where we WANT to be! We are Striving. We are Moving Forward. We want to Succeed and see things Change for the Better... We.. Want... To...
For us this means NO MORE Complaining about not being able to do things, about David's bosses not letting him off work to be with us, about not making enough money, or "feeling" happy enough. It is not dependent on our neighbors to change their ways (whether we agree with them or not, which we most certainly do not). It is not dependent on whether we make others happy all the time. It is not our job to make everyone else in our lives happy all of the time either! It is however about taking responsibility and seizing each opportunity that comes our way! We have chances to change and be better for it and make a better life for our children. And I pray we truly seek God in it all and choose to make those decisions that will help us LIVE!!!
So join with us and think about what it is that would make 201?5 the BEST YEAR no matter what is thrown your way. What will YOU DO? I have some ideas for you popping up on my Facebook page over the next week or two so stay tuned...
As always,
Melis
Friday, December 26, 2014
12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 1
So as promised, here is the first of my 12 day series following Christmas. Expect a mix of emotions, ramblings, daily happenings and so on...
Christmas was spent with some of our extended family. David arrived to my parents' house just after 11 at night on Christmas Eve, due to some "shenanigans" at work. I was so glad to see him that I didn't care so much about the timing. At this point, Micah off his schedule had just fallen asleep not too long beforehand. Micah slept with us so I slept worse than usual, which here meant cold and sore, leaving me to contemplate leaving early.
We did stay, however, heading over to my aunt and uncle's house later for the afternoon and evening. David left for home to get home around dark since he had to work 12+ hours each the following 3 days. It was calm and enjoyable, watching the kids play, enjoying the relative calm and of course, a yummy dinner. I went to bed a little more hopeful for sleep last night and was pleasantly surprised to do so once Micah was out.
Today was restful, cleaning up my computer and some e-mails with cute children playing near me. For now, the plan is to stay a few more days so the kiddos can have the run of the place and enjoy the space and backyard here. I'll breathe more and pray this cold either stays at bay or gets its worse out while I have the "backup" here. We will head home sometime Sunday and work on reestablishing a routine so when school starts back up, Joy won't be completely caught off guard.
Overall, I am mostly just surprised at the calm. I came into this week sort of ready for disaster, not because of any particular person but because of the cold and all of the morning sickness I had earlier on in the week. My creative powers are zapped at the moment it seems. I have nothing witty to say and my challenge groups are still in my head not developed as planned. I am busy thinking ahead to the New Year only days away but nothing concrete still... I hope you all had a blessed Christmas. I will post again tomorrow, hopefully something more...
As always,
Melis
Christmas was spent with some of our extended family. David arrived to my parents' house just after 11 at night on Christmas Eve, due to some "shenanigans" at work. I was so glad to see him that I didn't care so much about the timing. At this point, Micah off his schedule had just fallen asleep not too long beforehand. Micah slept with us so I slept worse than usual, which here meant cold and sore, leaving me to contemplate leaving early.
We did stay, however, heading over to my aunt and uncle's house later for the afternoon and evening. David left for home to get home around dark since he had to work 12+ hours each the following 3 days. It was calm and enjoyable, watching the kids play, enjoying the relative calm and of course, a yummy dinner. I went to bed a little more hopeful for sleep last night and was pleasantly surprised to do so once Micah was out.
Today was restful, cleaning up my computer and some e-mails with cute children playing near me. For now, the plan is to stay a few more days so the kiddos can have the run of the place and enjoy the space and backyard here. I'll breathe more and pray this cold either stays at bay or gets its worse out while I have the "backup" here. We will head home sometime Sunday and work on reestablishing a routine so when school starts back up, Joy won't be completely caught off guard.
Overall, I am mostly just surprised at the calm. I came into this week sort of ready for disaster, not because of any particular person but because of the cold and all of the morning sickness I had earlier on in the week. My creative powers are zapped at the moment it seems. I have nothing witty to say and my challenge groups are still in my head not developed as planned. I am busy thinking ahead to the New Year only days away but nothing concrete still... I hope you all had a blessed Christmas. I will post again tomorrow, hopefully something more...
As always,
Melis
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
24 Weeks & In the Midst...
Imagine this...
I am laying on my bed typing, small fluffy dog "snuggled" up to the warm laptop. Micah just beyond her, under one of my new blankets. (Because if Mommy brings home a new blanket, it must be HIS, right?) After several hours of pleading and negotiating, Joy sitting next to the end of my bed has finally not only found her play clothes but put them on. Oh yeah, and Pistachio (Veggie Tales) is playing. I move to get up briefly, my back yells at me but I press on...
Lunch is pending but clearly there are some other things that need taken care of first. Apparently, the latest Beachbody fulfillment has arrived while I am out of the room. Abby felt the need to bark at them and Micah is begging to open it for his Daddy. And I smell something...
We have some family due to arrive later today for Joy's 2nd dance performance in "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Micah still has not gotten dressed and is now definitely hungry. And it sounds like several of us are coming down with something...
In other news, we managed to get a progress pic before David headed out the door for work. Hoping to update some more later. Hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season. Merry Christmas!
As always,
Melis
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Don't Lose Hope!
I am 23 weeks pregnant today! Another week down, another reminder of God's goodness on our lives! Still plenty of things are not quite the way I would like but today is a testament to His goodness and His power and the reasons I have not given up on all of humanity yet...
A day that started with me telling Joy we were going to have to leave her dance class after Christmas and me contemplating how to deal with that...
It went down quite differently than that actually. After her mature response, I found myself almost in tears, feeling guilty and frustrated that I could not change things to be better for her. She is 6.5 and she handled the announcement with grace. And I could not get it out of my mind. Fast forward a few hours, several episodes of Chuggington with Micah later, and I was touched...
All I can say is things were taken care of. At least the big one was and we could deal with the rest of them as we went. Micah and I headed off to see David on his lunch break at work, where Micah made "dirt angels" on the floor. (It isn't as bad as it sounds, I promise!) We visited with David and then headed into Livermore a little early to grab a surprise for Joy and then walk with a new friend and her kiddos. I was surprised to have a kind stranger return my cart for me at Target where I started to realize how blessed we truly were . The walk with our new friends was far too short but definitely fun. We then walked over to pick up Joy from school and dashed off (safely) back to Tracy for dance class. On the way over, Joy discovered a surprise new dance outfit which she told Micah and I both boldly how much she loved. Spilled coffee and yet a still pleasant Joy later, we arrived a few minutes late for Jazz but Joy was happy. And Micah was content. And I was sitting, reveling in the moments that God created, in the day He planned long before I arrived there.
A few errands and a long wait later, we finished up dinner at Red Robin on the end of my Christmas money. It just made sense. So, today I am 23 weeks pregnant and Baby Girl has been kicking up a storm and dancing all over my bladder... repeatedly... but I am genuinely and truly amazed. So DO NOT lose hope. God's got ya!
That's all for now...
Melis <3
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
What was stolen? Broken? Hurt?
Phone appears to be broken... check!
Stolen wallet on Halloween at work (David)... check!
Phone that was working is now overheating and not working again... check!
Popped tire on freeway... check!
Other car won't start... check!
Discover heater does not work... check!
Half of recyclables stolen off of porch... check!
Phone screen officially refuses to turn on again... check!
This is a snapshot of our last month and a half or so...
OR IS IT?
As I cried to my friend today about our recent "disasters" today, I realized how easy it is to focus on the negatives. Sure finances haven't been anywhere near great for awhile. Sure, my pregnancy hormones have me crying, puking and forgetting just about everything. Micah is 2. Kids are 2. They survive. And so do their parents! Oh, and my phone didn't die for 1.5 months after it started acting up! The car with the popped tire was partially paid for by someone close to us who heard what happened. The other car was opened and jumped by our insurance company a day later. It did not cost us a cent! (This is why my hubby is in charge of taking care of our insurance.) The person who stole our recyclables off of our porch... missed some! Our heater is still broken.. but we have at least a dozen blankets in this house.
And guess what? Even though we deal with struggles... we have people in our lives who care. One of my friends regularly picks up and brings home my daughter from school 2 of 3 school days each and every week. Today, when I had a panic about the car not "registering" the little bit of gas I put in, a friend bought me some. In fact, she bought me more than I needed to get home. Today, my close friend who I adore did my hair. I love going to her. She always gives me such a good experience and she is a precious, precious friend. If she allowed, I am sure I could talk her head off for much, much longer. Last night, hubby cooked me dinner. (I took photos but they are on the currently broken phone.) Oh yeah, and he baked cookies... from scratch. Tonight too! Do you know how hard it is to feed a pregnant woman? Especially one who is picky to begin with and has been puking almost every week of her pregnancy??? Oh yeah, and this guy gives foot rubs sometimes before bedtime on his nights without doubles!
So I guess what I am trying to say is just that... our lives are not always easy... or fun... or what we want them to be for that matter. We go through stages and seasons, sometimes which feel... way... too... long. But they don't last forever. And if you are paying attention, you will often notice those little or bigger blessings God is trying to show you along the way. When I was on the side of the freeway a few weeks ago, I went through the list of blessings. Thank goodness the car stopped in Livermore, near friends, 30 minutes from home, not where the road is dangerous or where I do not have cell phone signal. The car stopped 30 minutes before David was off of work, not in the middle of his shift. My mom was free to talk to me on the phone while I waited for David and the guy to help me. It was just a tire, not something worse, not something more expensive. And we still had our spare available and the guy changed it for us! Oh yeah, and the kids slept though 99% of the entire experience. We got home just before midnight. It was the eve of one of a holiday, a day without schoolwork for Joy... you get my point, right?
I am not asking you to forget what happened or not mourn or grieve or be sad at frustrated. People have real reasons to be upset, often around the holidays especially. And it is important as friends to be there for them and listen. But I guess I am trying to shed a little perspective on things. It has taken a me 2-3 days of pondering & praying about this blog ent.y to get it here. And I am not even sure if it came out the way I liked fully. Feel free to share your thoughts...
As always,
Melis
P.S. Still working on adding more graphics and photos. It's a work in progress for sure!
Monday, December 8, 2014
22 Weeks & Counting
Tomorrow marks 22 weeks pregnant with my little rainbow princess and since David had a rare day off, I asked him to take some "bumpies" today. (Excuse my hair, ahem.) This pregnancy has not been fun... almost at all. In fact, it's made us really think on whether we want a large family anymore. But that is for another day.
What it is...
•A reminder of God's promises
•A miracle
•Cuddly
•A time of reflection
•Proof I have the right doctors in my corner
•A reminder of God's promises
•A miracle
•Cuddly
•A time of reflection
•Proof I have the right doctors in my corner
Today was one of those preggo days where I spent more time lamenting my hormones than I would of liked. Let's just say the tears kept a flowin' & if they were not flowin' somebody was getting glared at or eyes rolled at. And David had the day off... Now, normally I would pity him some but today he took it all in stride. He always seemed to be right there when I least expected it, right when I needed a hug, or an arm around me, or a ridiculous joke to get my mind off things temporarily.
And then there's this little princess inside of me who has kicked pretty much all day long. (Do babies EVER sleep? Am I in trouble? ) At least her kicks are still fun for the most part. She is a constant reminder of who our God is.
Tomorrow I take on another walk. I feel like it's the little things that keep me from losing every bit of my mind (if there's any left). Most of my walks are shorter these days but I am trying to make the effort to do them anyway. Feel free to join me in setting a walking goal for yourself! (I'm on RunKeeper.)
So another week is upon our little family. Baby girl is AT LEAST as big as a papaya this week. (Have you met my children?) David works back-to-backs Thursday-Sunday after 6 hour shifts Tues/Wed. Joy soared through her homework today so I am confident in her upcoming week at school. Micah has finally started acknowledging his little sister (well, sort of). And Abby... she is still fluffy.
Another week in the lives of this Voeltz Family ahead. What is your family up to this week???
As always,
Melis
Melis
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Miracles Come in Different Shapes & Sizes...
As I sit here cradling my little belly, I can't help but thank God for the blessing of this precious baby girl. I read something this morning that really put things in perspective for me from a personal standpoint~ "If you don't believe in miracles, perhaps you've forgotten you are one." This applies to anyone. But in my personal life, I've found myself calling all of my children miracles...
Micah & Joy were both conceived and born before I discovered my Factor V Leiden clotting disorder. I had no complications or serious issues with either pregnancy. Baby girl due this coming spring is a miracle because we found out why we lost our 2 precious angels and were able to put me on an injection that would medically mean this little girl would most likely make it safely into our arms... If you ask me, without God none of them are possible, including my own husband who I feel blessed to have in my life, a man I met at church during middle school. Clearly, I didn't know God's plan then... as we didn't start dating until 8 years after we met ;-)
Miracles, Blessings, Thankfulness... this is where I am tonight as I pray for God's leading as we move forward. What are you thankful for???
As always,
Melis
Micah & Joy were both conceived and born before I discovered my Factor V Leiden clotting disorder. I had no complications or serious issues with either pregnancy. Baby girl due this coming spring is a miracle because we found out why we lost our 2 precious angels and were able to put me on an injection that would medically mean this little girl would most likely make it safely into our arms... If you ask me, without God none of them are possible, including my own husband who I feel blessed to have in my life, a man I met at church during middle school. Clearly, I didn't know God's plan then... as we didn't start dating until 8 years after we met ;-)
Miracles, Blessings, Thankfulness... this is where I am tonight as I pray for God's leading as we move forward. What are you thankful for???
As always,
Melis
Monday, February 3, 2014
Write, Write, Write
A little while back, I got some interesting advice, My Dad had heard I'd been blogging through all the hard times. He encouraged me, telling me some of the best advice he'd ever gotten was to write & write & write, to write something everyday, whether short, long, serious, funny, whatever. Well I haven't done too well at that, even though thoughts swirl through my head ALL day long, as I am sure most women can attest to. So this post is just to write, to share a little, to tell you what's been on my mind. No need to patronize me but if you're interested, go ahead and read because I think my Daddy's advice was good & I want to keep writing...
Anyone else going to miss the Olympics because they don't have cable or satellite? When I finally gave in to ditching cable to save money, it didn't occur to me I would miss them. Seriously, swirling thoughts constantly going through my head & it somehow didn't occur to me until a week ago. It is not that I don't love saving the money (because we really need to) but I love the Olympics, winter & summer versions alike. I have always associated them with positive things. Joy was born only a couple months before the Summer of 2008 ones. Micah was born about 6 months before the Summer 2012 ones. And Squirt was due 7-8 months ago, Little One was due less than a month ago, so naturally I see a lot of happy things, as I sit nursing or thought I would be, as in the most recent cases.
Another thing that has been traveling though my mind is the fact that I am not the same person I was a year ago, or even 7 months ago... I mean, I know we can all say that to a point... but here's where I am going. When I first found out about the baby loss community online, I remember reading how you are never the same when you lose a child. I am sure most who have been down this round understand what I mean. We lost 2, both in the 2nd trimester. Again, I was hurt & I knew we could never go back and change the past, that emotionally, David & I were different people, apart & together & that we would need to learn how to BE us, having lost 2 precious babies. But I am going beyond that. When we discovered the night of our anniversary in the Emergency Room that I had a pulmonary embolism, all we were concerned with was getting me through that period of time, getting me out of the hospital for good, traversing the 6 months, hopefully going off the Coumadin & moving on, trying to find out how to continue to be a couple, a family & prayerfully grow it. Only a week or two ago, I was reminded of my humanity once again. I just had my 6 months scans. I have my results delivered Friday, my Daddy's birthday, in a hematology appt. If the results are great, there are more steps, as in getting off of this medicine, on to a lesser one, and getting the full workup done to hopefully, confirm, deny or find out more about what happened, how I lost those babies and what can be done for me & for our (hopefully) growing family down the line... But as I have realized, closing this particular chapter doesn't mean going back to before the pulmonary embolism. I will always need to be aware that I could develop a blood clot, or my kids could. When they hit, one often has a short amount amount of time to respond before it can cause serious harm (understatement alert). Also, I started working out a few weeks ago. When I used to workout, I would get huge bursts of energy, often getting me through almost the entire day. Now, one workout gives me at most a few hours of energy. Yes, I feel better. Yes, I tend to have more color in my face, a little more motivation in my day etc. But I am not the same energetic, bouncy person, at least not to the obvious point. Last year was hard emotionally & physically. And while I don't blame God for any of it, (I am not even angry) I am aware I am a different person to a degree. There isn't anything wrong with that in and of itself. David & I have become much closer & stronger together (although I know we still have our things to work on). These last 6 months have given me a lot to think about. And, there is always the chance my scans will not come back clean enough to proceed forward. Only God knows what happened during these 6 months. I haven't had a scan since a week after admittance in the ER.
I'm looking forward to sharing with you all more this year as there will be more challenges, transitions & the like this year. As most of you know by now, our word for the year is Contentment. Personally, I have decided to challenge myself by adding a word for myself each month to focus on. Last month, I called "Kickstart Contentment." I needed to remind myself not to get complacent. This is a new year & I need to not be lazy. So, I refreshed my zeal by committing to an online vendor faire & established my presence on FB with Pampered Chef (see link at bottom if you are interested). I also convinced David to purchase P90X3, only 30 minutes a day but still a good focus on eating right. I almost quite day 3 but I am still going strong 2.5 weeks in because of my best friend being the greatest support ever, my friend at church coaching me on & other good friends encouragement in the way I look & act. So this year is going to be different. This month of February for me is going to be about Contented Focus. I need to stop letting my crazy brain keep me from starting & finishing things. I need to let other things go & not just be at church & Bible Study but BE there present & soaking it all in.
I know my wording is a little funny tonight. I ran out of pronouns & other choices for words. To be honest, I just need to get my oldest in bed before it gets too late & she needs her sheets on her bed (which I didn't realize). So, let me know how you like this idea. Some days I will have 5 words, other 5 pages (haha) but I am going to at least try to write 3-4 days a week again, Share with me any thoughts you have. I have some more topics to explore but I need to have a few discussions & do some research. I will keep you posted as long as you keep me updated, okay?
As always,
<3Melissa
And if you are at all interested in placing an order with Pampered Chef OR just supporting me by liking my new FB page, head on over to Pampered Chef: Melissa N. Voeltz. It's about time I start trying to make this business work so I can help my family out more! As I say frequently over there & to others regarding it ~ I bake. I cook. I love life. I’ll plan your show or help you host your own! This is the life...
Anyone else going to miss the Olympics because they don't have cable or satellite? When I finally gave in to ditching cable to save money, it didn't occur to me I would miss them. Seriously, swirling thoughts constantly going through my head & it somehow didn't occur to me until a week ago. It is not that I don't love saving the money (because we really need to) but I love the Olympics, winter & summer versions alike. I have always associated them with positive things. Joy was born only a couple months before the Summer of 2008 ones. Micah was born about 6 months before the Summer 2012 ones. And Squirt was due 7-8 months ago, Little One was due less than a month ago, so naturally I see a lot of happy things, as I sit nursing or thought I would be, as in the most recent cases.
Another thing that has been traveling though my mind is the fact that I am not the same person I was a year ago, or even 7 months ago... I mean, I know we can all say that to a point... but here's where I am going. When I first found out about the baby loss community online, I remember reading how you are never the same when you lose a child. I am sure most who have been down this round understand what I mean. We lost 2, both in the 2nd trimester. Again, I was hurt & I knew we could never go back and change the past, that emotionally, David & I were different people, apart & together & that we would need to learn how to BE us, having lost 2 precious babies. But I am going beyond that. When we discovered the night of our anniversary in the Emergency Room that I had a pulmonary embolism, all we were concerned with was getting me through that period of time, getting me out of the hospital for good, traversing the 6 months, hopefully going off the Coumadin & moving on, trying to find out how to continue to be a couple, a family & prayerfully grow it. Only a week or two ago, I was reminded of my humanity once again. I just had my 6 months scans. I have my results delivered Friday, my Daddy's birthday, in a hematology appt. If the results are great, there are more steps, as in getting off of this medicine, on to a lesser one, and getting the full workup done to hopefully, confirm, deny or find out more about what happened, how I lost those babies and what can be done for me & for our (hopefully) growing family down the line... But as I have realized, closing this particular chapter doesn't mean going back to before the pulmonary embolism. I will always need to be aware that I could develop a blood clot, or my kids could. When they hit, one often has a short amount amount of time to respond before it can cause serious harm (understatement alert). Also, I started working out a few weeks ago. When I used to workout, I would get huge bursts of energy, often getting me through almost the entire day. Now, one workout gives me at most a few hours of energy. Yes, I feel better. Yes, I tend to have more color in my face, a little more motivation in my day etc. But I am not the same energetic, bouncy person, at least not to the obvious point. Last year was hard emotionally & physically. And while I don't blame God for any of it, (I am not even angry) I am aware I am a different person to a degree. There isn't anything wrong with that in and of itself. David & I have become much closer & stronger together (although I know we still have our things to work on). These last 6 months have given me a lot to think about. And, there is always the chance my scans will not come back clean enough to proceed forward. Only God knows what happened during these 6 months. I haven't had a scan since a week after admittance in the ER.
I'm looking forward to sharing with you all more this year as there will be more challenges, transitions & the like this year. As most of you know by now, our word for the year is Contentment. Personally, I have decided to challenge myself by adding a word for myself each month to focus on. Last month, I called "Kickstart Contentment." I needed to remind myself not to get complacent. This is a new year & I need to not be lazy. So, I refreshed my zeal by committing to an online vendor faire & established my presence on FB with Pampered Chef (see link at bottom if you are interested). I also convinced David to purchase P90X3, only 30 minutes a day but still a good focus on eating right. I almost quite day 3 but I am still going strong 2.5 weeks in because of my best friend being the greatest support ever, my friend at church coaching me on & other good friends encouragement in the way I look & act. So this year is going to be different. This month of February for me is going to be about Contented Focus. I need to stop letting my crazy brain keep me from starting & finishing things. I need to let other things go & not just be at church & Bible Study but BE there present & soaking it all in.
I know my wording is a little funny tonight. I ran out of pronouns & other choices for words. To be honest, I just need to get my oldest in bed before it gets too late & she needs her sheets on her bed (which I didn't realize). So, let me know how you like this idea. Some days I will have 5 words, other 5 pages (haha) but I am going to at least try to write 3-4 days a week again, Share with me any thoughts you have. I have some more topics to explore but I need to have a few discussions & do some research. I will keep you posted as long as you keep me updated, okay?
As always,
<3Melissa
And if you are at all interested in placing an order with Pampered Chef OR just supporting me by liking my new FB page, head on over to Pampered Chef: Melissa N. Voeltz. It's about time I start trying to make this business work so I can help my family out more! As I say frequently over there & to others regarding it ~ I bake. I cook. I love life. I’ll plan your show or help you host your own! This is the life...
Saturday, February 1, 2014
6 month mark!
I honestly can't believe I just passed the 6 month mark! On July 28th, our 6th wedding anniversary I was diagnosed with a large pulmonary embolism. This was only 5 days after our second miscarriage of the year. I couldn't believe it & honestly had no idea what would be next. At the follow up appointments with my hematologist, I learned that I would need to stay on my Coumadin for 6 months, even though 3-4 months was a more likely time frame in which I would be healed up enough. He said he did it to make sure. Well 6 months couldn't come soon enough but I finally had my scans... yesterday! I had an ultrasound on my legs & a CT of my chest. And on Friday, February 7th I get the results! I am beyond excited and nervous. If all is clear, I get to go off the Coumadin & on to baby aspirin & get a FULL workup done, hopefully giving us more clear answers as to what happened.
As excited as I am, a part of me remains hesitant. These past 6 months have given me a lot of extra "smaller" hurdles: 3-5 yeast infections, a UTI, several colds, a sinus infection, a mysterious wrist injury, multiple drops in my INR that took some time to fix, TONS of blood draws, sharp mysterious pain, unusual cycles, several ER visits, a few GP visits, medication, medication & often even more medication. But after 6 months, I am starting to see more about what people mean, when they say you can never go back. I am not the same person I was before all of this happened. Physically, I have to work harder to get my energy; I can't just go out for a run and expect it all to come back to me. I am learning that through baby steps, I can still be relatively healthy & that small boosts of energy are totally just as important as big hurdles reached. Emotionally, I will never be the same either & I think it will be a long time before David looks at me without genuine concern when I tell him something hurts or I need to see a doctor. We've carefully navigated over egg shells for some time & while the pain has mostly subsided, we know we cannot erase the past, nor should we try. We've become a stronger pair this year, a stronger team. And whatever the results may be, that is something I definitely would never want to take back!
That's all for now..
<3Melissa
As excited as I am, a part of me remains hesitant. These past 6 months have given me a lot of extra "smaller" hurdles: 3-5 yeast infections, a UTI, several colds, a sinus infection, a mysterious wrist injury, multiple drops in my INR that took some time to fix, TONS of blood draws, sharp mysterious pain, unusual cycles, several ER visits, a few GP visits, medication, medication & often even more medication. But after 6 months, I am starting to see more about what people mean, when they say you can never go back. I am not the same person I was before all of this happened. Physically, I have to work harder to get my energy; I can't just go out for a run and expect it all to come back to me. I am learning that through baby steps, I can still be relatively healthy & that small boosts of energy are totally just as important as big hurdles reached. Emotionally, I will never be the same either & I think it will be a long time before David looks at me without genuine concern when I tell him something hurts or I need to see a doctor. We've carefully navigated over egg shells for some time & while the pain has mostly subsided, we know we cannot erase the past, nor should we try. We've become a stronger pair this year, a stronger team. And whatever the results may be, that is something I definitely would never want to take back!
That's all for now..
<3Melissa
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
We made it!
Hi All!
Thank you all for the prayers our way. We made it through the weekend alive ;-) Feeling encouraged as I have a workout plan I hope to be starting Friday (already put off twice for different issues that came up). I would ask you continue to pray for us. My health is still a concern. Even though we are SO close to the scans, things keep coming up that give us reason to pray even more. Also, it seems we may be heading into a time of transition. A lot is going on in our minds & hearts and we really have no idea where God is leading. Please pray for guidance & calm. David & I are more united than ever before but we are only human & really don't know where God is leading or if He wants us to just stay right where we are. We are still learning about contentment & are trying to narrow in what it means for us as a family, notably in different arenas of our lives.
Just a quick one today.
Thanks again for all of the support.
More comprehensive blog coming in the next week I hope.
Your Friend,
Melis
Thank you all for the prayers our way. We made it through the weekend alive ;-) Feeling encouraged as I have a workout plan I hope to be starting Friday (already put off twice for different issues that came up). I would ask you continue to pray for us. My health is still a concern. Even though we are SO close to the scans, things keep coming up that give us reason to pray even more. Also, it seems we may be heading into a time of transition. A lot is going on in our minds & hearts and we really have no idea where God is leading. Please pray for guidance & calm. David & I are more united than ever before but we are only human & really don't know where God is leading or if He wants us to just stay right where we are. We are still learning about contentment & are trying to narrow in what it means for us as a family, notably in different arenas of our lives.
Just a quick one today.
Thanks again for all of the support.
More comprehensive blog coming in the next week I hope.
Your Friend,
Melis
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)