When I was 16, I went on a missions trip. I was gone for the majority of the summer. During this time, I came down with the only ear infections I had any memory of, essentially making it impossible to hear for a period of time. I had some of the worst homesickness I had faced to that point. Needless to say, at that time, this was likely one of the hardest events I had been to in my young life.
Clearly, I have been through more since then, and small and big, God has led myself and my family through it all, even when it is hard to see. I will admit my health right now is generally well and my family is truly wonderful. Yet my family is going through easily our hardest financial struggles that we ever have (which is saying something for us). We haven't given up but the morale for hubby and I is not great usually and staying positive for me is even tough, especially with how it affects the day to day. Even with the recent news his bosses are both incredibly happy with the job he is doing, we see the result of recent struggles still building up, putting us further and further behind.
And then I come back to my life verse, established in my mind on that missions trip so many years ago... "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 (NIV)
God has got a plan in all of this, right?
As always,
Melis
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Transform
For those who have kept up with my blog over any length of time, you have probably noticed a "Word of the Year" David and I pick for our family each year. Well, we picked one for this year back around Christmas, and honestly, I was too grumpy to go ahead and share it, because as with our "Faith" year, God is showing us through and through how He is trying to work in it... and sometimes, I don't like to deal with it. As my husband often laments, "Why do we keep picking a word?"
TRANSFORM ~ For kicks and giggles, I decided to look up the definition... Here are just a few: "to change in condition, nature, or character; convert" or "to undergo a change in form, appearance, or character; become transformed."
Maybe you get why my hubby wasn't so excited suddenly...
Right out of the gate this year, I stepped out of Children's Ministry officially. Since 2007, I was convinced this was my calling. And I truly believe it WAS... but God changed that calling and at the time, I had NO idea where he was leading me. I just knew our income was shrinking and I was clueless as to this area of my life for the first time in a very, very long time. Only days, after I stopped working in Children's Ministry, we hit our first major bump with David's job. After that, the hits kept coming. I was angry. And I know he was too. I kept asking God "Why us again? Haven't we been through enough yet?" I finally came to the conclusion that while MY plan for transformation was one thing (getting fit, David advancing in his company, me working in Children's Ministry...), God had very different plans and he was working on transforming us in ways we didn't necessarily ask for.
Since then, I have taken it upon myself to work as hard as I can from home, doing whatever I think I need to do and praying it is enough to help us get back on track. Unfortunately, it seems like when you think you finally have it figured out, when that changes, you can fall pretty hard. To tell you the truth, I am a bit tired of bruising....
There is a verse in Romans that shed some light on this, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 (NIV)
It all comes back to God's Will and what He has in store or us. And even though, it is a scary time in our lives, especially financially, I know He has a plan and is going to lead us through it as needed, and in His perfect timing.
In Isaiah 26:3 (NIV), it says, "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."
I don't know about you, but I am choosing to let him transform me this year.
As always,
Melis
TRANSFORM ~ For kicks and giggles, I decided to look up the definition... Here are just a few: "to change in condition, nature, or character; convert" or "to undergo a change in form, appearance, or character; become transformed."
Maybe you get why my hubby wasn't so excited suddenly...
Right out of the gate this year, I stepped out of Children's Ministry officially. Since 2007, I was convinced this was my calling. And I truly believe it WAS... but God changed that calling and at the time, I had NO idea where he was leading me. I just knew our income was shrinking and I was clueless as to this area of my life for the first time in a very, very long time. Only days, after I stopped working in Children's Ministry, we hit our first major bump with David's job. After that, the hits kept coming. I was angry. And I know he was too. I kept asking God "Why us again? Haven't we been through enough yet?" I finally came to the conclusion that while MY plan for transformation was one thing (getting fit, David advancing in his company, me working in Children's Ministry...), God had very different plans and he was working on transforming us in ways we didn't necessarily ask for.
Since then, I have taken it upon myself to work as hard as I can from home, doing whatever I think I need to do and praying it is enough to help us get back on track. Unfortunately, it seems like when you think you finally have it figured out, when that changes, you can fall pretty hard. To tell you the truth, I am a bit tired of bruising....
There is a verse in Romans that shed some light on this, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 (NIV)
It all comes back to God's Will and what He has in store or us. And even though, it is a scary time in our lives, especially financially, I know He has a plan and is going to lead us through it as needed, and in His perfect timing.
In Isaiah 26:3 (NIV), it says, "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."
I don't know about you, but I am choosing to let him transform me this year.
As always,
Melis
Sunday, February 1, 2015
O-N-E H-U-N-D-R-E-D
When I started this blog, I was a few months into grieving the loss of my first angel...
my third child...
My intent was to share with other women that they were not alone...
I wanted other people to know that miscarriage, still birth, and baby loss happens...
that it is real, and there are women who go through it... often twice, three times, or more...
I wanted my words to possibly help even one woman know that she was not the only one..
and that there are support groups...
and organizations...
and people who can help...
and who care...
I did not know at the time, however what was ahead of me in that year...
the year we first chose a family word...
FAITH...
David warned me. He told me that word was like setting ourselves up...
I knew... God would do what God would do and He would allow what He would allow...
This was our chance to step out and say we trusted Him, that we had FAITH. He agreed.
Well, as many of you now know, that word clearly defined our year that unfolded in front of us. Two thousand thirteen was a year full of challenges... and not small ones. Just before Mother's Day, we discovered we were pregnant again. We were thrilled and a bit nervous, but mostly excited. We kept it mostly to ourselves, telling only a handful of people. We found out at fifteen weeks we had lost another baby... Five days later, I was diagnosed at the age of twenty-eight, on our sixth wedding anniversary with a pulmonary embolism, a large clot in my lungs. Over the next four days in the hospital, I learned I had an inherited clotting disorder that was likely the source of ALL of this.
The following six months were all about getting better. I had my blood drawn so frequently, I made friends with two of the ladies who worked there, to the point where I would not go to any other lab... ever. I was constantly adjusting my medication to align with my INR levels from those blood draws. Meanwhile, I was still in a lot of pain most days, so I was on pain medication for it. When the time came for my scan and then my six month follow up, I was nervous but so excited. On my Daddy's birthday, I found out I was free of Coumadin and the pain was gone. I no longer needed the pain medication either and I had no side effects. I felt like I got a huge present on my Daddy's birthday. It felt freeing...
It was around this time I finally started to feel well enough to take better care of myself. Someone I knew from church posted about P90X3. I had already had some past success with P90X and I loved the idea that I only needed to work out thirty minutes a day with this one. A month in, I was hooked and a month after that, I was signed up as a Beachbody coach. I was on board, excited and I was changing my life. I was losing weight, building muscle I did not know I had and I was seeing a future. I was seeing a chance for life after multiple losses and a pulmonary embolism. I was living a life on aspirin but that was not going to define me. I was going to get healthier, fitter and be more in control of my own life, and I was going to take my family along for the ride... because if anyone deserved it, they did. David had seen me at my worst. He had not only stuck by me but he had supported me, encouraged me and seen to the kids needs whenever I could not. My kids never saw me different it seemed either. They loved on me and knew I was not whole somehow but they cared and wanted me anyway. My family needed this. So I was going to make these changes for them.
Something interesting happens when you immerse yourself in something... it changes you. It takes you to on an adventure that you cannot predict. You think you are in control but each of those decisions takes you somewhere else. Yes, I wanted to lose weight but I was learning that with that weight loss, I was getting stronger, and not just physically (which was pretty awesome on its own, let's be honest) but I was starting to think more for myself. I was not depending on David for as much. I was starting to do activities I enjoyed again. I was cooking, baking, running, swimming, writing more... I was making decisions firmly again; I was not waffling so much. I was building confidence back that I once had but it was different this time. It was ALL different this time...
It sure seemed that way. I was twenty-five lbs down, I was working out six days a week. I was eating better than I had ever before. I was working out at least an hour each day and I was setting goals and challenges and not letting injuries or other obstacles stop me. They were aiding me, teaching me more about myself and who I was, who I could be. I liked it. I was ready to crush more programs and goals and take on the world! Truthfully, I felt like my own version of Wonder Woman. I knew who I was and no matter what happened next, I was confident I could handle it; David and I could handle it. We were equipped, prepared and in control. Good news or bad news, the world was ours.
And then we found out we were pregnant... We had just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. We were less than a month out from Joy starting first grade. David had just received a promotion at work and our sweet kiddos seemed genuinely happy. No one had been sick in months. I tell you the honest truth, I froze...
Since the moment my hematologist cleared me of my pulmonary embolism, I was ecstatic, not just because I was healed... but because I wanted so badly to have my baby... my rainbow baby... the one that fulfilled the promise that we were able to still have kiddos, the one that meant my hematologist was right and we now not only had a reason for my losses and six additional months "out of commission" but for a solution to it as well. In theory, it all made sense and it seemed great....
Reality is cruel some days. For so long, you just pray and imagine and wonder what it will be like one day to have your greatest dream come true and when you are on the brink of it, all of your worst fears and insecurities come rushing right back. And during the first sixteen weeks of my pregnancy (twelve since I found out), that is where I was. My blood pressure was higher, my days were quieter. I was more withdrawn. I initially excitedly told people, only to be reminded each day that anything was possible and we were not safe yet. Additionally, I had morning sickness like never before, as well as fatigue day in and day out. Parts of me physically hurt so much that I could not figure out how to even walk for exercise... me... the person who had thrived on and lived on and ingrained in myself this idea that exercise was a part of me...
A part of me... Fitness had become a piece of the person I saw myself to be long term, the person I was developing and becoming as an adult... as a mature, healthy, well-rounded adult... It was THAT important to me that I crumbled repeatedly at the thought of not showing that side of me... over and over and over again. I wanted so much to prove to women that you could be fit and pregnant. I wanted to be that woman who looked like she could take on the world, even when I was thwarted by pregnancy annoyances. After all, I had seen other women do it, read their posts and seen photos of what they were eating during pregnancy, how they were continuing their fitness regimen and how great it made them feel... and how much better their labor was because of it. And then I realized... I was jealous. I was jealous of the women who did not feel pregnancy the way I did this time around or at least did not appear to feel it the way I did.
Sixteen weeks arrived, and thanks to a sweet friend and a special at our ultrasound place, we got to see our princess, kicking around... with a heartbeat... I think that is when I finally let my breath out for the first time in this entire pregnancy. The daily injections of Lovenox were working. My body worked. My baby looked as healthy as her older brother and sister did. She was even measuring ahead by a week already (thanks to her father's genes, haha), just as her older siblings did at that point as well. She was the cutest baby we had seen in a very long time. And when we picked up Joy from school that day, she shrieked and turned around and told one of her teachers she was going to have a sister. My heart lit up like letters on a Wheel of Fortune board.
Over the next few weeks, I found strength and some energy and started to walk again. I was still sick as a dog most days but I was seeing the hope I had not seen for months. Just that picture of my newest little girl kicking made me smile. And not more than a week after we saw that ultrasound, I felt those first kicks, right on schedule, just like her older brother and sister. My back still hurt as well but I kept trying to stay positive as people reminded me over and over that she was fine, growing, even thriving... The closer I got to the New Year, the more hopeful I got, the more ecstatic I got. I started thinking about running new challenge groups, one right out of the gate in the New Year. A group of ladies committed to check in and get a health tip and talk about what it meant and apply it as able. It was simple and for 21 days, that is exactly what many did. It helped remind me of something I had forgotten...
We have seasons in life. Some of them are longer or shorter. Some are ridiculously fun. Some are more challenging. Some pass by without being noticed. Some contain combinations of challenges, fantastic news, and moments that pass us by. But the point is, seasons exist. And each season ultimately comes to an end, transitioning into another. I have often noticed they overlap as well in certain areas. Anytime when I am in one of my harder seasons, I remind myself that it will not last forever, no matter how long it may seem at the time. This is what we went through during our Year of Faith. And when the following year hit, our promise was to be content, no matter what. Considering that year had no huge hurdles, I think there were times we questioned if we were more faithful than content... And yet, she was conceived during this year, found to be a girl during this year, one growing and thriving inside of me like I had only dreamed...
I often think of two-thousand-fourteen as our transition year. We had it rough for a year, worked out some kinks and frustrations the following year and then we needed to make some serious decisions during two-thousand-fifteen. We wanted to leave the excuses behind us. No one would make us feel inferior. No one would determine whether or not we were happy or content ;-) No one else had the power over us. Only God was in control. We would be setting goals and making plans (to the best of our abilities). We would be embracing this year like no other. We would LIVE. I always make sure to emphasize (I hope) that this word is a verb, an action. It is NOT passive by any means. We would trust God. We would do what we could within His will. This included David's job, my working, our children, our living situation... absolutely everything...
So it may or may not surprise you to find out that one of those aspects of my life that I have struggled most with in recent weeks is confidence... I lack it. As I work on my business, I question myself constantly. I wonder if I am pressuring myself to the point of failure. I constantly question whether I am a good enough mother or not. My son did not get a good lunch. My daughter did not get much time with mommy today. Homework did not get finished. The house is still a complete mess, possibly worse when David walks in the door at night. There is a tantrum and not only do I not know how to stop it, I do not know what is causing it. I tell my kids to wait. One of them breaks something. I worry if I am eating enough. Will my baby be okay? It is a constant battle these days.
So in light of this constant struggle as of late, I decided to try an experiment... nothing fancy but with my thirtieth birthday approaching in the next few months, I decided to ask around thirty friends for a word that describes me, no other instructions included. Now some simply declined and some gave me multiple ones. Some gave me words that really made me think. Others repeated a word another had given me, some of which I did not expect to see even once. Now where am I going with this? It is about perspective. The people who know you best, the people who care about you... they do not see your flaws like you do. Now, they may be the ones to approach you if something really is off because they care but they do not sit there and complain about you constantly and anything that may be "wrong" with you. So, why do I? How is it even possible for me to LIVE when I am so focused on all of these negative aspects I see in myself, a human trying to do my best? It really is not possible to LIVE fully. So I decided to delve in and see how I was actually perceived...
Some of the words I have struggled with the most are strong, beautiful, and brave...
Why? Because I have fought against a perception that I feel weak most of my life, because I am a woman who does not often see the beauty in who she truly is unless I am feeling good, and because when life fell down around my family and I, I did what I thought I needed to do, never once seeing it as anything other than that.
A word that surprised me... enduring...
This goes along with the words, strong and brave, I struggle with it a little but like the perspective. I truly believe without God, we would be finished and I would be forever depressed in a hole. I do not believer I could endure life without His continual promises.
Some words that encourage me... compassionate, supportive, genuine...
I love to hear these kinds of words! I need to remember them! These are things I strive for on a regular basis so it is nice to see that I am emanating them to others.
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~ Marilyn Monroe
I came across this quote and could not help but see it as incredibly meaningful for where I am now. It has been more than two years since we said goodbye to our first angel and there are days I still cry and mourn his loss. There are days where I still question God. And as far as we have come in our journey as a family, it still makes us sad. I have always found a way to explain to others that it has to be a part of something so much bigger but I have only been able to point to my best guess as to what that is. Perhaps, it was not just so I could share with you my journey and to help others but to help us see how important health is... and life. Without the passing of our dear Squirt, I would have never started this blog. I might not have seen the depth of how God can work in one person ,one couple, one family... as He has in ours. Upon losing Little One and being diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism and Factor V Leiden all within about a week during the summer of two-thousand-thirteen, I became more open to the fact that perhaps God has bigger plans for us as a family and I needed to make some changes.
As previously mentioned, I have struggled with my own self confidence and opinion of myself at times... often actually. I have been hyper-aware of how I believed I was perceived and always felt like I needed to fight against this idea that I was weak, frail, miniscule, unimportant... I have never wanted to upset people, ruffle feathers, branch out too far. If it was comfortable or a little outside of my comfort zone, I could be happy... but I never pushed much. I never wanted to offend people by accident. I did not want to open up my insecurities that far. I was scared. I am scared. So maybe it is about learning that its okay to pray big dreams, work hard to achieve them and try hard enough to reach people that they just might be offended, but do it in a way that still shows my care and love for them. I do not have to be timid in sharing any part of my journey or any part of my future or any part of how it has changed my life or my family's for the better. This is who I am and this is who I want to be. I want to break free and share...
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In about seven to nine weeks, we will be welcoming a new baby girl into our family. We will be in yet another new phase of our family and our lives and in a lot of ways, we will have come full circle from that day in January when we received the worst news of our lives to date, that we had lost our baby, Squirt. It by no means erases our memories or thoughts of our babies gone too soon or my health going into limbo for so long. It does not negate our views on family or life. If anything, it just enhances them and makes them that much more clear. I have learned SO much about who I am as a wife, a mother, a baby loss mother, a Beachbody coach, a friend, a daughter, a sister and a woman in Christ... Through all of our struggles, God has remained FAITHFUL and I plan to return the favor. I plan to LIVE this year, no excuses... I will be INTENTIONAL and GENUINE even when it hurts, even when others do not like it. I will push harder and work more carefully to achieve my goals and set up a future for my family that I am proud of... and I will never, ever forget how God blessed me with the absolute best friend and husband in the world, my David!
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That is all for now...
As always,
Melis
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Copyright Photos @Sara Story Photography
sarastory2008@gmail.com, (831) 588-7345
my third child...
My intent was to share with other women that they were not alone...
I wanted other people to know that miscarriage, still birth, and baby loss happens...
that it is real, and there are women who go through it... often twice, three times, or more...
I wanted my words to possibly help even one woman know that she was not the only one..
and that there are support groups...
and organizations...
and people who can help...
and who care...
I did not know at the time, however what was ahead of me in that year...
the year we first chose a family word...
FAITH...
David warned me. He told me that word was like setting ourselves up...
I knew... God would do what God would do and He would allow what He would allow...
This was our chance to step out and say we trusted Him, that we had FAITH. He agreed.
Well, as many of you now know, that word clearly defined our year that unfolded in front of us. Two thousand thirteen was a year full of challenges... and not small ones. Just before Mother's Day, we discovered we were pregnant again. We were thrilled and a bit nervous, but mostly excited. We kept it mostly to ourselves, telling only a handful of people. We found out at fifteen weeks we had lost another baby... Five days later, I was diagnosed at the age of twenty-eight, on our sixth wedding anniversary with a pulmonary embolism, a large clot in my lungs. Over the next four days in the hospital, I learned I had an inherited clotting disorder that was likely the source of ALL of this.
The following six months were all about getting better. I had my blood drawn so frequently, I made friends with two of the ladies who worked there, to the point where I would not go to any other lab... ever. I was constantly adjusting my medication to align with my INR levels from those blood draws. Meanwhile, I was still in a lot of pain most days, so I was on pain medication for it. When the time came for my scan and then my six month follow up, I was nervous but so excited. On my Daddy's birthday, I found out I was free of Coumadin and the pain was gone. I no longer needed the pain medication either and I had no side effects. I felt like I got a huge present on my Daddy's birthday. It felt freeing...
It was around this time I finally started to feel well enough to take better care of myself. Someone I knew from church posted about P90X3. I had already had some past success with P90X and I loved the idea that I only needed to work out thirty minutes a day with this one. A month in, I was hooked and a month after that, I was signed up as a Beachbody coach. I was on board, excited and I was changing my life. I was losing weight, building muscle I did not know I had and I was seeing a future. I was seeing a chance for life after multiple losses and a pulmonary embolism. I was living a life on aspirin but that was not going to define me. I was going to get healthier, fitter and be more in control of my own life, and I was going to take my family along for the ride... because if anyone deserved it, they did. David had seen me at my worst. He had not only stuck by me but he had supported me, encouraged me and seen to the kids needs whenever I could not. My kids never saw me different it seemed either. They loved on me and knew I was not whole somehow but they cared and wanted me anyway. My family needed this. So I was going to make these changes for them.
Something interesting happens when you immerse yourself in something... it changes you. It takes you to on an adventure that you cannot predict. You think you are in control but each of those decisions takes you somewhere else. Yes, I wanted to lose weight but I was learning that with that weight loss, I was getting stronger, and not just physically (which was pretty awesome on its own, let's be honest) but I was starting to think more for myself. I was not depending on David for as much. I was starting to do activities I enjoyed again. I was cooking, baking, running, swimming, writing more... I was making decisions firmly again; I was not waffling so much. I was building confidence back that I once had but it was different this time. It was ALL different this time...
It sure seemed that way. I was twenty-five lbs down, I was working out six days a week. I was eating better than I had ever before. I was working out at least an hour each day and I was setting goals and challenges and not letting injuries or other obstacles stop me. They were aiding me, teaching me more about myself and who I was, who I could be. I liked it. I was ready to crush more programs and goals and take on the world! Truthfully, I felt like my own version of Wonder Woman. I knew who I was and no matter what happened next, I was confident I could handle it; David and I could handle it. We were equipped, prepared and in control. Good news or bad news, the world was ours.
And then we found out we were pregnant... We had just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. We were less than a month out from Joy starting first grade. David had just received a promotion at work and our sweet kiddos seemed genuinely happy. No one had been sick in months. I tell you the honest truth, I froze...
Since the moment my hematologist cleared me of my pulmonary embolism, I was ecstatic, not just because I was healed... but because I wanted so badly to have my baby... my rainbow baby... the one that fulfilled the promise that we were able to still have kiddos, the one that meant my hematologist was right and we now not only had a reason for my losses and six additional months "out of commission" but for a solution to it as well. In theory, it all made sense and it seemed great....
Reality is cruel some days. For so long, you just pray and imagine and wonder what it will be like one day to have your greatest dream come true and when you are on the brink of it, all of your worst fears and insecurities come rushing right back. And during the first sixteen weeks of my pregnancy (twelve since I found out), that is where I was. My blood pressure was higher, my days were quieter. I was more withdrawn. I initially excitedly told people, only to be reminded each day that anything was possible and we were not safe yet. Additionally, I had morning sickness like never before, as well as fatigue day in and day out. Parts of me physically hurt so much that I could not figure out how to even walk for exercise... me... the person who had thrived on and lived on and ingrained in myself this idea that exercise was a part of me...
A part of me... Fitness had become a piece of the person I saw myself to be long term, the person I was developing and becoming as an adult... as a mature, healthy, well-rounded adult... It was THAT important to me that I crumbled repeatedly at the thought of not showing that side of me... over and over and over again. I wanted so much to prove to women that you could be fit and pregnant. I wanted to be that woman who looked like she could take on the world, even when I was thwarted by pregnancy annoyances. After all, I had seen other women do it, read their posts and seen photos of what they were eating during pregnancy, how they were continuing their fitness regimen and how great it made them feel... and how much better their labor was because of it. And then I realized... I was jealous. I was jealous of the women who did not feel pregnancy the way I did this time around or at least did not appear to feel it the way I did.
Sixteen weeks arrived, and thanks to a sweet friend and a special at our ultrasound place, we got to see our princess, kicking around... with a heartbeat... I think that is when I finally let my breath out for the first time in this entire pregnancy. The daily injections of Lovenox were working. My body worked. My baby looked as healthy as her older brother and sister did. She was even measuring ahead by a week already (thanks to her father's genes, haha), just as her older siblings did at that point as well. She was the cutest baby we had seen in a very long time. And when we picked up Joy from school that day, she shrieked and turned around and told one of her teachers she was going to have a sister. My heart lit up like letters on a Wheel of Fortune board.
Over the next few weeks, I found strength and some energy and started to walk again. I was still sick as a dog most days but I was seeing the hope I had not seen for months. Just that picture of my newest little girl kicking made me smile. And not more than a week after we saw that ultrasound, I felt those first kicks, right on schedule, just like her older brother and sister. My back still hurt as well but I kept trying to stay positive as people reminded me over and over that she was fine, growing, even thriving... The closer I got to the New Year, the more hopeful I got, the more ecstatic I got. I started thinking about running new challenge groups, one right out of the gate in the New Year. A group of ladies committed to check in and get a health tip and talk about what it meant and apply it as able. It was simple and for 21 days, that is exactly what many did. It helped remind me of something I had forgotten...
We have seasons in life. Some of them are longer or shorter. Some are ridiculously fun. Some are more challenging. Some pass by without being noticed. Some contain combinations of challenges, fantastic news, and moments that pass us by. But the point is, seasons exist. And each season ultimately comes to an end, transitioning into another. I have often noticed they overlap as well in certain areas. Anytime when I am in one of my harder seasons, I remind myself that it will not last forever, no matter how long it may seem at the time. This is what we went through during our Year of Faith. And when the following year hit, our promise was to be content, no matter what. Considering that year had no huge hurdles, I think there were times we questioned if we were more faithful than content... And yet, she was conceived during this year, found to be a girl during this year, one growing and thriving inside of me like I had only dreamed...
I often think of two-thousand-fourteen as our transition year. We had it rough for a year, worked out some kinks and frustrations the following year and then we needed to make some serious decisions during two-thousand-fifteen. We wanted to leave the excuses behind us. No one would make us feel inferior. No one would determine whether or not we were happy or content ;-) No one else had the power over us. Only God was in control. We would be setting goals and making plans (to the best of our abilities). We would be embracing this year like no other. We would LIVE. I always make sure to emphasize (I hope) that this word is a verb, an action. It is NOT passive by any means. We would trust God. We would do what we could within His will. This included David's job, my working, our children, our living situation... absolutely everything...
So it may or may not surprise you to find out that one of those aspects of my life that I have struggled most with in recent weeks is confidence... I lack it. As I work on my business, I question myself constantly. I wonder if I am pressuring myself to the point of failure. I constantly question whether I am a good enough mother or not. My son did not get a good lunch. My daughter did not get much time with mommy today. Homework did not get finished. The house is still a complete mess, possibly worse when David walks in the door at night. There is a tantrum and not only do I not know how to stop it, I do not know what is causing it. I tell my kids to wait. One of them breaks something. I worry if I am eating enough. Will my baby be okay? It is a constant battle these days.
So in light of this constant struggle as of late, I decided to try an experiment... nothing fancy but with my thirtieth birthday approaching in the next few months, I decided to ask around thirty friends for a word that describes me, no other instructions included. Now some simply declined and some gave me multiple ones. Some gave me words that really made me think. Others repeated a word another had given me, some of which I did not expect to see even once. Now where am I going with this? It is about perspective. The people who know you best, the people who care about you... they do not see your flaws like you do. Now, they may be the ones to approach you if something really is off because they care but they do not sit there and complain about you constantly and anything that may be "wrong" with you. So, why do I? How is it even possible for me to LIVE when I am so focused on all of these negative aspects I see in myself, a human trying to do my best? It really is not possible to LIVE fully. So I decided to delve in and see how I was actually perceived...
Some of the words I have struggled with the most are strong, beautiful, and brave...
Why? Because I have fought against a perception that I feel weak most of my life, because I am a woman who does not often see the beauty in who she truly is unless I am feeling good, and because when life fell down around my family and I, I did what I thought I needed to do, never once seeing it as anything other than that.
A word that surprised me... enduring...
This goes along with the words, strong and brave, I struggle with it a little but like the perspective. I truly believe without God, we would be finished and I would be forever depressed in a hole. I do not believer I could endure life without His continual promises.
Some words that encourage me... compassionate, supportive, genuine...
I love to hear these kinds of words! I need to remember them! These are things I strive for on a regular basis so it is nice to see that I am emanating them to others.
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~ Marilyn Monroe
I came across this quote and could not help but see it as incredibly meaningful for where I am now. It has been more than two years since we said goodbye to our first angel and there are days I still cry and mourn his loss. There are days where I still question God. And as far as we have come in our journey as a family, it still makes us sad. I have always found a way to explain to others that it has to be a part of something so much bigger but I have only been able to point to my best guess as to what that is. Perhaps, it was not just so I could share with you my journey and to help others but to help us see how important health is... and life. Without the passing of our dear Squirt, I would have never started this blog. I might not have seen the depth of how God can work in one person ,one couple, one family... as He has in ours. Upon losing Little One and being diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism and Factor V Leiden all within about a week during the summer of two-thousand-thirteen, I became more open to the fact that perhaps God has bigger plans for us as a family and I needed to make some changes.
As previously mentioned, I have struggled with my own self confidence and opinion of myself at times... often actually. I have been hyper-aware of how I believed I was perceived and always felt like I needed to fight against this idea that I was weak, frail, miniscule, unimportant... I have never wanted to upset people, ruffle feathers, branch out too far. If it was comfortable or a little outside of my comfort zone, I could be happy... but I never pushed much. I never wanted to offend people by accident. I did not want to open up my insecurities that far. I was scared. I am scared. So maybe it is about learning that its okay to pray big dreams, work hard to achieve them and try hard enough to reach people that they just might be offended, but do it in a way that still shows my care and love for them. I do not have to be timid in sharing any part of my journey or any part of my future or any part of how it has changed my life or my family's for the better. This is who I am and this is who I want to be. I want to break free and share...
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In about seven to nine weeks, we will be welcoming a new baby girl into our family. We will be in yet another new phase of our family and our lives and in a lot of ways, we will have come full circle from that day in January when we received the worst news of our lives to date, that we had lost our baby, Squirt. It by no means erases our memories or thoughts of our babies gone too soon or my health going into limbo for so long. It does not negate our views on family or life. If anything, it just enhances them and makes them that much more clear. I have learned SO much about who I am as a wife, a mother, a baby loss mother, a Beachbody coach, a friend, a daughter, a sister and a woman in Christ... Through all of our struggles, God has remained FAITHFUL and I plan to return the favor. I plan to LIVE this year, no excuses... I will be INTENTIONAL and GENUINE even when it hurts, even when others do not like it. I will push harder and work more carefully to achieve my goals and set up a future for my family that I am proud of... and I will never, ever forget how God blessed me with the absolute best friend and husband in the world, my David!
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That is all for now...
As always,
Melis
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Copyright Photos @Sara Story Photography
sarastory2008@gmail.com, (831) 588-7345
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Feeling Weary? Need some inspiration? This is where I am today...
When I went to bed last night, I had no intention of writing a blog today. Yet after the night and morning I had, I felt it was a good idea...
Poor Joy Joy wasn't feeling well yesterday. She had just come off a low-grade temperature the day before and seemed to be recovering until she started yelling.... and yelling. Poor girl was in pain but I did not know how much. I tried appropriate medicines we had at home as well as just helping her to relax. I distracted her and tried to help her rest. As the day progressed, it seemed she was handling things okay so I sent her to bed on the futon near me just to make sure. Unfortunately the night did not go well... at all. By 8 am, I was beyond frustrated and was more sure than ever my sweet girl had an ear infection. Her fever had broken 24 hours before but she just could not sleep and kept pointing to her ear. She was not letting up.
Unfortunately, it took longer than we would like to get out of the house, even with the hospital a few minutes away. Fortunately for us, the ER seemed to be ready for all the moms with kiddos as they brought the families in to triage and into a bed in the hall or room near the front rather quickly. At first I was a little peeved but then realized with the pain Joy seemed to be experiencing this may be working to our advantage. The doctor on duty met with the family nearest to us for a little bit, argued with the parent briefly about how important it was for the child to find a way to get their child to take the medicine, repeated "virus everyone has right now" multiple times and zoomed on over to us. He double checked what we were there for, checked her ear, confirmed the ear infection after inspection (as well as the other for good measure), told me what he was prescribing and zoomed off. Not 5 minutes later, we had discharge instructions and a few signatures later we were on our way to Costco for her medicine. Arriving at the pharmacy, I realized things might take a little longer with her new insurance card and a tech being trained but I sat with my sweet girl while Micah hovered around nearby smiling and being silly. These things seemed to help at least a little bit. Then, we headed for the car and before long, she had the medicine in her system and a quick visit to Daddy and stop for orange juice and we were home.... and now she is sleeping.
It was noon when we arrived home. I hadn't eaten anything and I was overwhelmed by messages to read and respond to. I am supposed to be on a high carb diet for a few days prior to my 3 hr glucose test coming up Monday so clearly I got a late start on that for the day. It will happen. I hopefully won't feel so weak or tired much longer. I am praying tonight will be much more restful in this house tonight... for all of this. And even after all of this, I just want to encourage all of you parents out there, all of my friends and others who are struggling with anything today...
...find peace in our Lord, find solace in His comfort, find a minute or two at least just to breathe today and take this day in before it ends. We have NO idea what tomorrow will bring but it is definitely okay to not be okay all of the time and to take things as they come, in stride, as you are able. I hope this can be a comfort to some of you today.
I saw a pretty cool image today as I was searching through things online that said the following,
"When your troubles try to drag you down remember that you were made to soar."
When you're ready, revel in that, my friend and take it to heart.
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31, NIV)
I need to eat some more and hopefully feel a little better. I can't wait to continue to share with you more as I keep exploring the direction for this year for my family and how God can use me.
As always,
Melis
P.S. If you do pray, I ask for your prayers today as I am especially worn and weary today and we have another long day at home while my sweet hubby works a 12 hour shift to provide for us.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Let it go? Let God have it!!!
So it has been a few days since I last posted. You may have noticed I missed days 11 & 12 after Christmas. I apologize for that. All WAS going smoothly but during the craziness of this past week, I fell asleep early that night and then decided to let a few days pass and linger on what was on my mind and heart. And boy is God teaching me things!
Have you ever gotten really upset about something? Really upset? Maybe it only seemed mildly frustrating initially but the more the situation progressed and the more you lingered on it, the angrier and/or sadder you became? And other circumstances might have tended to cloud your view making it that much harder? That is where I am... or was. After a week where I was on a continual "high" setting goals and planning for 2015, a little piece of news brought my world crashing down. I cried. And then I cried some more. And then when I thought I had found a resolution and moved on, something else changed the situation and I became kind of angry. I got really upset, offended, hurt... you name it. In fact, I devoted an entire day to my frustration. I vented and talked it out. I was on the verge of tears yet again. I talked to people who agreed with me. I did some research and I tried to make myself feel better. But at no time in this process did I let it go. I did not bring it to God...
So today, I am going to do one final list. I am going to double check a few numbers, names and then pray the heck through it all! That's right. And then... then I am going to surrender it to God and let a decision be made, today or in the next few days. From there, it is God's leading and not mine. I will not manipulate or mess with any person or part of the situation. I will just let it be and let God have it.
Yep, that's where I am.
Talk to you later.
As always,
Melis
Have you ever gotten really upset about something? Really upset? Maybe it only seemed mildly frustrating initially but the more the situation progressed and the more you lingered on it, the angrier and/or sadder you became? And other circumstances might have tended to cloud your view making it that much harder? That is where I am... or was. After a week where I was on a continual "high" setting goals and planning for 2015, a little piece of news brought my world crashing down. I cried. And then I cried some more. And then when I thought I had found a resolution and moved on, something else changed the situation and I became kind of angry. I got really upset, offended, hurt... you name it. In fact, I devoted an entire day to my frustration. I vented and talked it out. I was on the verge of tears yet again. I talked to people who agreed with me. I did some research and I tried to make myself feel better. But at no time in this process did I let it go. I did not bring it to God...
So today, I am going to do one final list. I am going to double check a few numbers, names and then pray the heck through it all! That's right. And then... then I am going to surrender it to God and let a decision be made, today or in the next few days. From there, it is God's leading and not mine. I will not manipulate or mess with any person or part of the situation. I will just let it be and let God have it.
Yep, that's where I am.
Talk to you later.
As always,
Melis
Sunday, January 4, 2015
The 12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 10 ~ Making Progress
Can you believe we're on Day 10 already? It feels like time is suddenly flying by. My oldest, my sweet Joy Joy goes back to school this week. I'll be driving more again but at least the routine will come more naturally to us. Tomorrow is David's day off. I have my glucose tolerance test... bleh. I get to meet up with a good friend though. And get this... I might just get a nap... maybe.
Today I woke up thoroughly exhausted. (I am noticing a trend.) I headed out for coffee and was amazed to realize when I got back how motivated I was. You know what? I am working on a website. I am super excited about it too. I have wanted to do this for a long time but have not had the drive or determination to get it going and keep it up. I finally think I am in the right place to do it though. It is in the VERY earliest stages so not published yet but I am excited as to how it is shaping up. I will let you know when it is up!
I also worked a little bit on my challenge group starting up tomorrow... New Year, New You ~ 21 Days to Reset & Restart ~ https://www.facebook.com/groups/newyearreset/ <--- Click to join! I am excited about the tips and motivation I have to share with you. I feel so blessed at all that I have learned during this past year despite its ups and downs.
I am reminded over and over about how just because you wake up feeling iffy does not mean your day has to continue or end that way. YOU do have some power. You can CHOOSE to better your day even if you are tired or not feeling well. You cannot choose what happens to you but you can choose how to react to it and how to interact with those that you encounter. Anyway you look at it, you're blessed. God has put you on this earth for a reason and I am glad you are here!
As always,
Melis
Today I woke up thoroughly exhausted. (I am noticing a trend.) I headed out for coffee and was amazed to realize when I got back how motivated I was. You know what? I am working on a website. I am super excited about it too. I have wanted to do this for a long time but have not had the drive or determination to get it going and keep it up. I finally think I am in the right place to do it though. It is in the VERY earliest stages so not published yet but I am excited as to how it is shaping up. I will let you know when it is up!
I also worked a little bit on my challenge group starting up tomorrow... New Year, New You ~ 21 Days to Reset & Restart ~ https://www.facebook.com/groups/newyearreset/ <--- Click to join! I am excited about the tips and motivation I have to share with you. I feel so blessed at all that I have learned during this past year despite its ups and downs.
I am reminded over and over about how just because you wake up feeling iffy does not mean your day has to continue or end that way. YOU do have some power. You can CHOOSE to better your day even if you are tired or not feeling well. You cannot choose what happens to you but you can choose how to react to it and how to interact with those that you encounter. Anyway you look at it, you're blessed. God has put you on this earth for a reason and I am glad you are here!
As always,
Melis
Friday, January 2, 2015
Coming back to my WHY... (12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 8)
"I'm sorry. There's no heartbeat."
There are no words to express exactly what flooded my mind or heart right then. But there was hurt and confusion and the realization that I was one of them, those women who would have a baby pass in my womb with no warning whatsoever. What followed was a bit of a blur. There was a hospital visit, pain, crying, waiting and phone calls... and a lot of wondering.
But still, only months after that horrible news we were pregnant again. And just before Mother's Day. We were ecstatic but cautious. We were given the impression this happens to people, families... Even my doctor seemed confident. Until that day in July when we received the news yet again, This time I insisted on an immediate ultrasound and attention. And we were there again. My doctor was to be out of town for the following 2 weeks but assured me we would run tests, check in etc. when he was back, He did not however seem confident this would yield any results but maybe...
5 days later I was recovering when I had the absolute worst pain my chest I had ever had in my life. I just could not catch a breath. Hubby insisted we go to the hospital. Three and a half hours after entering the ER, I was finally seen. Two hours later I was informed that I had a pulmonary embolism and would be admitted... on our wedding anniversary. Hubby was in shock and my kids were not happy Mommy was not coming home. I had a strange feeling of relief and sadness all mixed in.
But while there I was enlightened. I had a clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden. It was most likely the reason my babies only made it to 13-14 & 15 weeks since that is around when the placenta was taking over. My blood just kept clotting and they couldn't get what they needed. And I was released four days later on Lovenox and Coumadin. I was able to stop Lovenox is less than 2 weeks. For the next 6 months, I took Coumadin daily to shrink and ultimately get rid of the clot in my lungs. Additionally, I had blood draw after blood draw, sometimes 3 times a week just to get my INR in the therapeutic range. I was also on Norco for pain. I thought this would be short lived but soon learned that the pain never would fully go away until the clot did. I rarely knew why some weeks were so much harder but I trusted that this part of the journey would likely be short term in the grand scheme of things. These things were just apart of it. Ultimately, I needed to accept that.
Well, it did pass. What started on a day that was so celebratory ended on a day that truly was celebratory, my Daddy's birthday. I was given the all clear. There was no clot and I could go off of the Coumadin for good as long as no blood clot emerged again. I was instructed by my hematologist to start on aspirin and ultimately stay on it for life. He also reminded us that we likely could have a baby again but would need to switch to Lovenox for the duration. We agreed... and I felt a sense of relief. Suddenly life was about more than surviving. It took me some time but I ultimately fell into a rhythm, started P90X3 and really started learning about what it was going to take to be healthy again. I could not focus solely on having a baby but needed to see the bigger picture for my family.
I lost 25 lbs during the next 6 months. Shortly after being cleared by my doctor, I signed up as a Beachbody Coach and then sat back and watched and took it all in. By summer of 2014, I was not only a healthy weight but I was running again, swimming again and all around feeling great. I had found my love of being healthy for not just my family but for me. I was less dependent on others for my own happiness. And then the miracle happened...
We found out we were pregnant. We were thrilled but scared out of our minds. This was the ultimate test, We saw our hopes wrapped up in this rainbow baby. For the first 16 weeks of my pregnancy, I was practically a shell again. I was nervous and teary and exhausted too. I threw up frequently. I was sore early on and there were days I could barely get out of bed. Each ultrasound David and I attended together pensive but hoping. And when we saw her at 16 weeks moving up a storm, something clicked again.
I was reminded that this beautiful rainbow baby girl was not our only miracle. Given my clotting disorder, both Joy and Micah are miracles as well. And all of that time we spent surviving the near-death experience and loss of our two angels was worth it, even if the pain was horrific. You see, I did not start working out for fun. (Seriously?) I did not join Beachbody as a coach to just bring in money (although the prospect of it doesn't hurt). I started doing all of this because I wanted to honor the memory of my babies, Squirt and Little One. I wanted to be the healthy, fit mommy for my children that are here. I wanted to be the independent, silly, fun-spirited girl my husband met in middle school and ultimately fell for in college. I wanted life again. I wanted to live my calling. If wanted to honor God with everything I did. I did not want to be a shell or a piece of anything... I wanted to be GENUINE... and real.
This is why I became a Beachbody coach. I have an amazing team I am apart of and I hope to be able to bring some of you on with me. I don't think I ever saw myself as special or unique. I was "normal" if you can say that, even average. My goals are so huge now and I am determined to make some things happen this year. So as far as this year... I am going to LIVE ~ INTENTIONALly & GENUINE. I want to help get David home more this year as well and move out of this apartment. This is what I know so far. If you have any questions or want to know more, feel free to comment or message me, or click on that cool new bar at the top of this blog ;-) I am starting a new group this Monday, January 5th to help start fresh, stop looking back and move forward. I am here to just chat too :-D That's all for now.
As always,
Melis
P.S. If you are counting, we are now about 3.5 months left until baby girl is due! And there are some updates coming on her and our plans in the next week or so... stay tuned!
There are no words to express exactly what flooded my mind or heart right then. But there was hurt and confusion and the realization that I was one of them, those women who would have a baby pass in my womb with no warning whatsoever. What followed was a bit of a blur. There was a hospital visit, pain, crying, waiting and phone calls... and a lot of wondering.
But still, only months after that horrible news we were pregnant again. And just before Mother's Day. We were ecstatic but cautious. We were given the impression this happens to people, families... Even my doctor seemed confident. Until that day in July when we received the news yet again, This time I insisted on an immediate ultrasound and attention. And we were there again. My doctor was to be out of town for the following 2 weeks but assured me we would run tests, check in etc. when he was back, He did not however seem confident this would yield any results but maybe...
5 days later I was recovering when I had the absolute worst pain my chest I had ever had in my life. I just could not catch a breath. Hubby insisted we go to the hospital. Three and a half hours after entering the ER, I was finally seen. Two hours later I was informed that I had a pulmonary embolism and would be admitted... on our wedding anniversary. Hubby was in shock and my kids were not happy Mommy was not coming home. I had a strange feeling of relief and sadness all mixed in.
But while there I was enlightened. I had a clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden. It was most likely the reason my babies only made it to 13-14 & 15 weeks since that is around when the placenta was taking over. My blood just kept clotting and they couldn't get what they needed. And I was released four days later on Lovenox and Coumadin. I was able to stop Lovenox is less than 2 weeks. For the next 6 months, I took Coumadin daily to shrink and ultimately get rid of the clot in my lungs. Additionally, I had blood draw after blood draw, sometimes 3 times a week just to get my INR in the therapeutic range. I was also on Norco for pain. I thought this would be short lived but soon learned that the pain never would fully go away until the clot did. I rarely knew why some weeks were so much harder but I trusted that this part of the journey would likely be short term in the grand scheme of things. These things were just apart of it. Ultimately, I needed to accept that.
Well, it did pass. What started on a day that was so celebratory ended on a day that truly was celebratory, my Daddy's birthday. I was given the all clear. There was no clot and I could go off of the Coumadin for good as long as no blood clot emerged again. I was instructed by my hematologist to start on aspirin and ultimately stay on it for life. He also reminded us that we likely could have a baby again but would need to switch to Lovenox for the duration. We agreed... and I felt a sense of relief. Suddenly life was about more than surviving. It took me some time but I ultimately fell into a rhythm, started P90X3 and really started learning about what it was going to take to be healthy again. I could not focus solely on having a baby but needed to see the bigger picture for my family.
I lost 25 lbs during the next 6 months. Shortly after being cleared by my doctor, I signed up as a Beachbody Coach and then sat back and watched and took it all in. By summer of 2014, I was not only a healthy weight but I was running again, swimming again and all around feeling great. I had found my love of being healthy for not just my family but for me. I was less dependent on others for my own happiness. And then the miracle happened...
We found out we were pregnant. We were thrilled but scared out of our minds. This was the ultimate test, We saw our hopes wrapped up in this rainbow baby. For the first 16 weeks of my pregnancy, I was practically a shell again. I was nervous and teary and exhausted too. I threw up frequently. I was sore early on and there were days I could barely get out of bed. Each ultrasound David and I attended together pensive but hoping. And when we saw her at 16 weeks moving up a storm, something clicked again.
I was reminded that this beautiful rainbow baby girl was not our only miracle. Given my clotting disorder, both Joy and Micah are miracles as well. And all of that time we spent surviving the near-death experience and loss of our two angels was worth it, even if the pain was horrific. You see, I did not start working out for fun. (Seriously?) I did not join Beachbody as a coach to just bring in money (although the prospect of it doesn't hurt). I started doing all of this because I wanted to honor the memory of my babies, Squirt and Little One. I wanted to be the healthy, fit mommy for my children that are here. I wanted to be the independent, silly, fun-spirited girl my husband met in middle school and ultimately fell for in college. I wanted life again. I wanted to live my calling. If wanted to honor God with everything I did. I did not want to be a shell or a piece of anything... I wanted to be GENUINE... and real.
This is why I became a Beachbody coach. I have an amazing team I am apart of and I hope to be able to bring some of you on with me. I don't think I ever saw myself as special or unique. I was "normal" if you can say that, even average. My goals are so huge now and I am determined to make some things happen this year. So as far as this year... I am going to LIVE ~ INTENTIONALly & GENUINE. I want to help get David home more this year as well and move out of this apartment. This is what I know so far. If you have any questions or want to know more, feel free to comment or message me, or click on that cool new bar at the top of this blog ;-) I am starting a new group this Monday, January 5th to help start fresh, stop looking back and move forward. I am here to just chat too :-D That's all for now.
As always,
Melis
P.S. If you are counting, we are now about 3.5 months left until baby girl is due! And there are some updates coming on her and our plans in the next week or so... stay tuned!
Thursday, January 1, 2015
So you decided to sit in on a call with John Maxwell... (12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 7)
In February of this past year, I decided to take the plunge. I fell in love with Beachbody products and I knew they worked. I was looking for a way to at least supplement my husband's income so that we could relax some, breathe. So with the help of a friend and fellow coach, I joined and started watching people on my team and what they did and tried to get an idea of their success. I continued P90X3 when I wasn't injured (and to some extent when I was) and eventually found a way to balance food and exercise and then it just started to click. I was excited. I ran my first challenge group and I saw potential in others, in other people that had something in common with me but were each their own person as well. I sold a few programs and realized that if I continued to learn and continued to express what was in my heart that this could be a winning combination for me.
And I still believe it. Even though the surprise roller coaster of this pregnancy took some time to adjust to, I still believe it. And here I am 10.5 months in, and I want to make this year the best one yet. And I know people say it all the time but this year... it is definitely going to be different for me as a person and for my family. I am going to LIVE this year and I am going to be INTENTIONAL about it. Now, I did not want to be a hypocrite day one of the New Year. (I mean, who does?) One of the great parts of coaching with Beachbody is being on a team. On our team Facebook group, someone chimed in and reminded us about the call with John Maxwell... yes, you read that right. Today, at 10am PST, Traci Morrow's entire team was invited on to a call with him. On a personal level, this is likely the closest I have ever been to starstruck. I know who this guy is. I've heard about him over and over growing up. And through some kind of cool God thing only he could orchestrate, when dozens of us moved from one team to another (which only happens for certain reasons), I ended up in Traci Morrow's downline, who has been mentored the past 2 years by John Maxwell. For those of you who don't know who Traci Morrow is, she's one kickass amazing woman and a Founding Coach of Beachbody. And she's a woman of faith which I absolutely LOVE! Ever done P90X or P90X3? You've seen her. Let's just say there isn't a better team to be on...
So today, I jumped on the call she hosted with John Maxwell, determined to start my year off right. If I am going to claim to LIVE this year and make key decisions, I need to be INTENTIONAL. And that is the very first thing I got from what John Maxwell said. So this month, I plan to break down what it will mean to LIVE, sort of like mini resolutions or key tenants to making this year the best one yet. The first part is about being INTENTIONAL. (Have you got that?) Keep in mind you can't move forward if you are not looking forward and living where you are, where you are going. If you are looking backwards, how can you move forward?? Maybe better said by John Maxwell, "Don't look back. You're not going that way (anymore). 2014 is past. It's behind you."
When Traci closed out the call, she quoted him as well on the subject of intentionality. "Lots of people have good intentions but they don't have intentionality." Something to think about... So what did you do today? Clearly, I have got some things to work on. While you're thinking about that, go ahead and sign up for my "New Year, New You" group on Facebook ~ 3 weeks, 21 tips... Let's just get going in the right direction, okay? https://www.facebook.com/groups/newyearreset/
I am stoked to be on this journey with you and help you in any way I can. I am here to chat with you online or on the phone, by e-mail... I am totally and completely a work in progress and I am loving what I am starting to see emerge.
"You cannot give what you do not have." ~ John Maxwell
Want to be built into this year? Let me know. I am pretty excited to see what is to come...
As always,
Melis
Saturday, December 27, 2014
12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 2... Time for a NEW Year!
Okay so it is December 27th today, not quite January 1st! However, as many of you know each year David & I select a word for the year for our family. (This will be #3!) And... we have already selected one. Well, I actually yelled it out over a week ago and further discussed it with David prior to Christmas and he agreed... I think ;-) I thought about waiting to tell you all about it until December 31st or January 1st... but seeing as my level of patience is well, not the best... I have decided to share it with you all here on my blog, on the 2nd day AFTER Christmas! Many of you may wonder what I am referring to. A few years back, I heard someone on the radio saying that instead of a list of resolutions each year, they focused on ONE word to focus on the for their family. In 2013, we focused on FAITH. This was an especially hard one but necessary one as we lost 2 babies and I was hospitalized with a pulmonary embolism this year. Some people say you get what you ask for. I say you trust God and get what you get ;-) God knew what our year would look like long before all of that went down. As a result of the hardships, we found out more about my health and how to deal with it and how to approach future pregnancies. I know we also learned a lot about our wonderfully FAITHful God!
In 2014, we hemmed back and forth and settled on CONTENTMENT for the year. I do not think we were quite 100% at this point. We were looking at where we had come from and knew we still had to wait for a clearance on my lungs and what that might mean for my health and our family down the road. We were talking more about normal, everyday things and not just trying to survive. We did not want to get complacent but we did not want to take anything for granted either. God had brought us through some truly hard, life-altering circumstances and we certainly could not and would not try to erase them. I will admit this one has been quite the struggle in comparison. Go figure, right?! It seems when life circumstances are not so drastic, we often try to take things into our own hands more than we should. God and I did a lot of talking this year about frustrations and my own struggles to trust Him and be content where He had us. And frankly, I do not know if I came out a better person for all of the arguing I actually did. Yep, arguing. As I said, this one was quite the struggle for me in the later months of the year...
This brings me to our word of 2015 which I think fits perfectly for where we are and where we WANT to be! We are Striving. We are Moving Forward. We want to Succeed and see things Change for the Better... We.. Want... To...
For us this means NO MORE Complaining about not being able to do things, about David's bosses not letting him off work to be with us, about not making enough money, or "feeling" happy enough. It is not dependent on our neighbors to change their ways (whether we agree with them or not, which we most certainly do not). It is not dependent on whether we make others happy all the time. It is not our job to make everyone else in our lives happy all of the time either! It is however about taking responsibility and seizing each opportunity that comes our way! We have chances to change and be better for it and make a better life for our children. And I pray we truly seek God in it all and choose to make those decisions that will help us LIVE!!!
So join with us and think about what it is that would make 201?5 the BEST YEAR no matter what is thrown your way. What will YOU DO? I have some ideas for you popping up on my Facebook page over the next week or two so stay tuned...
As always,
Melis
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Don't Lose Hope!
I am 23 weeks pregnant today! Another week down, another reminder of God's goodness on our lives! Still plenty of things are not quite the way I would like but today is a testament to His goodness and His power and the reasons I have not given up on all of humanity yet...
A day that started with me telling Joy we were going to have to leave her dance class after Christmas and me contemplating how to deal with that...
It went down quite differently than that actually. After her mature response, I found myself almost in tears, feeling guilty and frustrated that I could not change things to be better for her. She is 6.5 and she handled the announcement with grace. And I could not get it out of my mind. Fast forward a few hours, several episodes of Chuggington with Micah later, and I was touched...
All I can say is things were taken care of. At least the big one was and we could deal with the rest of them as we went. Micah and I headed off to see David on his lunch break at work, where Micah made "dirt angels" on the floor. (It isn't as bad as it sounds, I promise!) We visited with David and then headed into Livermore a little early to grab a surprise for Joy and then walk with a new friend and her kiddos. I was surprised to have a kind stranger return my cart for me at Target where I started to realize how blessed we truly were . The walk with our new friends was far too short but definitely fun. We then walked over to pick up Joy from school and dashed off (safely) back to Tracy for dance class. On the way over, Joy discovered a surprise new dance outfit which she told Micah and I both boldly how much she loved. Spilled coffee and yet a still pleasant Joy later, we arrived a few minutes late for Jazz but Joy was happy. And Micah was content. And I was sitting, reveling in the moments that God created, in the day He planned long before I arrived there.
A few errands and a long wait later, we finished up dinner at Red Robin on the end of my Christmas money. It just made sense. So, today I am 23 weeks pregnant and Baby Girl has been kicking up a storm and dancing all over my bladder... repeatedly... but I am genuinely and truly amazed. So DO NOT lose hope. God's got ya!
That's all for now...
Melis <3
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
What was stolen? Broken? Hurt?
Phone appears to be broken... check!
Stolen wallet on Halloween at work (David)... check!
Phone that was working is now overheating and not working again... check!
Popped tire on freeway... check!
Other car won't start... check!
Discover heater does not work... check!
Half of recyclables stolen off of porch... check!
Phone screen officially refuses to turn on again... check!
This is a snapshot of our last month and a half or so...
OR IS IT?
As I cried to my friend today about our recent "disasters" today, I realized how easy it is to focus on the negatives. Sure finances haven't been anywhere near great for awhile. Sure, my pregnancy hormones have me crying, puking and forgetting just about everything. Micah is 2. Kids are 2. They survive. And so do their parents! Oh, and my phone didn't die for 1.5 months after it started acting up! The car with the popped tire was partially paid for by someone close to us who heard what happened. The other car was opened and jumped by our insurance company a day later. It did not cost us a cent! (This is why my hubby is in charge of taking care of our insurance.) The person who stole our recyclables off of our porch... missed some! Our heater is still broken.. but we have at least a dozen blankets in this house.
And guess what? Even though we deal with struggles... we have people in our lives who care. One of my friends regularly picks up and brings home my daughter from school 2 of 3 school days each and every week. Today, when I had a panic about the car not "registering" the little bit of gas I put in, a friend bought me some. In fact, she bought me more than I needed to get home. Today, my close friend who I adore did my hair. I love going to her. She always gives me such a good experience and she is a precious, precious friend. If she allowed, I am sure I could talk her head off for much, much longer. Last night, hubby cooked me dinner. (I took photos but they are on the currently broken phone.) Oh yeah, and he baked cookies... from scratch. Tonight too! Do you know how hard it is to feed a pregnant woman? Especially one who is picky to begin with and has been puking almost every week of her pregnancy??? Oh yeah, and this guy gives foot rubs sometimes before bedtime on his nights without doubles!
So I guess what I am trying to say is just that... our lives are not always easy... or fun... or what we want them to be for that matter. We go through stages and seasons, sometimes which feel... way... too... long. But they don't last forever. And if you are paying attention, you will often notice those little or bigger blessings God is trying to show you along the way. When I was on the side of the freeway a few weeks ago, I went through the list of blessings. Thank goodness the car stopped in Livermore, near friends, 30 minutes from home, not where the road is dangerous or where I do not have cell phone signal. The car stopped 30 minutes before David was off of work, not in the middle of his shift. My mom was free to talk to me on the phone while I waited for David and the guy to help me. It was just a tire, not something worse, not something more expensive. And we still had our spare available and the guy changed it for us! Oh yeah, and the kids slept though 99% of the entire experience. We got home just before midnight. It was the eve of one of a holiday, a day without schoolwork for Joy... you get my point, right?
I am not asking you to forget what happened or not mourn or grieve or be sad at frustrated. People have real reasons to be upset, often around the holidays especially. And it is important as friends to be there for them and listen. But I guess I am trying to shed a little perspective on things. It has taken a me 2-3 days of pondering & praying about this blog ent.y to get it here. And I am not even sure if it came out the way I liked fully. Feel free to share your thoughts...
As always,
Melis
P.S. Still working on adding more graphics and photos. It's a work in progress for sure!
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Miracles Come in Different Shapes & Sizes...
As I sit here cradling my little belly, I can't help but thank God for the blessing of this precious baby girl. I read something this morning that really put things in perspective for me from a personal standpoint~ "If you don't believe in miracles, perhaps you've forgotten you are one." This applies to anyone. But in my personal life, I've found myself calling all of my children miracles...
Micah & Joy were both conceived and born before I discovered my Factor V Leiden clotting disorder. I had no complications or serious issues with either pregnancy. Baby girl due this coming spring is a miracle because we found out why we lost our 2 precious angels and were able to put me on an injection that would medically mean this little girl would most likely make it safely into our arms... If you ask me, without God none of them are possible, including my own husband who I feel blessed to have in my life, a man I met at church during middle school. Clearly, I didn't know God's plan then... as we didn't start dating until 8 years after we met ;-)
Miracles, Blessings, Thankfulness... this is where I am tonight as I pray for God's leading as we move forward. What are you thankful for???
As always,
Melis
Micah & Joy were both conceived and born before I discovered my Factor V Leiden clotting disorder. I had no complications or serious issues with either pregnancy. Baby girl due this coming spring is a miracle because we found out why we lost our 2 precious angels and were able to put me on an injection that would medically mean this little girl would most likely make it safely into our arms... If you ask me, without God none of them are possible, including my own husband who I feel blessed to have in my life, a man I met at church during middle school. Clearly, I didn't know God's plan then... as we didn't start dating until 8 years after we met ;-)
Miracles, Blessings, Thankfulness... this is where I am tonight as I pray for God's leading as we move forward. What are you thankful for???
As always,
Melis
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
BIG News Alert... Taking a chance here...
In January 2013, we started a part of our journey we never thought would exist. We ventured into a world that confused us, that hurt and that made us question just about everything...
I do not know if it is every possible to truly prepare yourself for losing a child... ever! doubt it... but we did and we were told that it was unlikely we would go through it again. They were wrong...
Fast forward to July 2013. Again. Confused. Hurt. Let's move on. Or not?
July 28th, 2013 changed it all. I was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism, a clot in my lungs at 28. I knew no one who had been through this just like when we first miscarried... no one.
In February of 2014, I was cleared.
In April of 2014, I made some serious decisions about my health and fitness and the lifestyle I wanted. I committed...
But the best was yet to come...
Coming in April of 2015, just in time for my 30th birthday...
I am not sharing this for kicks and giggles. I am sharing this because we need all of your prayer and support in a major way. I am giving myself Lovenox injections nightly because of the clotting disorder my hematologist discovered last year. I will see both my hematologist and my OBGYN this pregnancy. I will have my blood checked and no appointment will go underused or overlooked. I will be discussing more with my OBGYN soon what he would like to do differently this time. We are beyond thrilled at meeting our Rainbow this coming Spring but we have a long road ahead of us...
I do not imagine I will post much on this because this process is very personal to me and I want to be very aware of what details we share since it is so sensitive for us but I hope you'll join with us in prayer as we move forward. I believe in this medicine. I trust my doctors. I am trusting the process. GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!
Thank you in advance.
As always,
Melis
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5 Weeks!
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6 Weeks!
Friday, July 11, 2014
Blown away...
I'm trying to get my head around this...
I'm not used to this kind of putting myself out there. Sure, I shared my life with you all this last year but YOU chose to read this blog, stay informed and encourage me. And for those who liked my recently set up fitness Facebook page, YOU again chose to follow it. You all read because you want to. What happened last night was something I could not have imagined. It was beyond anything I could have predicted.
You see I posted those transformation photos not because I wanted the praise but because I wanted to share with all of you a few things...
1) My love for fitness & health. I love it because I love me and I want to be a BETTER me. I want my family to feel it. I want them to love it or at least appreciate it like I do.
2) I want to inspire others. It took me a LONG time to be in the place to lose weight, to start this transformation for real, to become consistent to the point where I pretty much HATE rest days. That is right. I miss working out on those days.
3) Where is all came from... It is not an accident I started to change my habits. It sure was not a magic pill either. It comes from a raw place I am often reliving. Last year, after losing 2 babies and on the brink of losing my own life, I immediately went into survival mode for myself, my kids, my hubby. After getting off the Coumadin and on to aspirin as instructed by my hematologist, I did NOT bounce back. I struggled... horribly. I hid. I did anything I could to avoid people. But with time, grieving and some serious inspiration, I knew that for those very reasons, I HAD to do this. This was NOT a choice for more anymore...
...LIFE is far too important to just sail through...
My transformation is far from over. I am excited to keep moving towards my goals and prayerfully continue to build our family as God allows and leads us. I am very excited about this stage of our lives and that I get to share my <3 with ALL of YOU!!!
Thank you for continuing to read and delve in to my story, my life, my transformation... I hope to help inspire others on their own. If you wanna chat, message me and/or check me out at Facebook.com/RunLissaRun
This is NOT ultimately just about me. I hope we ALL make it, YES?
That's all for now,
Melis
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