Transform

For those who have kept up with my blog over any length of time, you have probably noticed a "Word of the Year" David and I pick for our family each year.  Well, we picked one for this year back around Christmas, and honestly, I was too grumpy to go ahead and share it, because as with our "Faith" year, God is showing us through and through how He is trying to work in it... and sometimes, I don't like to deal with it.  As my husband often laments, "Why do we keep picking a word?"

TRANSFORM ~ For kicks and giggles, I decided to look up the definition... Here are just a few: "to change in condition, nature, or character; convert" or "to undergo a change in form, appearance, or character; become transformed."

Maybe you get why my hubby wasn't so excited suddenly...

Right out of the gate this year, I stepped out of Children's Ministry officially.  Since 2007, I was convinced this was my calling.  And I truly believe it WAS... but God changed that calling and at the time, I had NO idea where he was leading me.  I just knew our income was shrinking and I was clueless as to this area of my life for the first time in a very, very long time.  Only days, after I stopped working in Children's Ministry, we hit our first major bump with David's job.  After that, the hits kept coming.  I was angry.  And I know he was too.  I kept asking God "Why us again?  Haven't we been through enough yet?"  I finally came to the conclusion that while MY plan for transformation was one thing (getting fit, David advancing in his company, me working in Children's Ministry...), God had very different plans and he was working on transforming us in ways we didn't necessarily ask for.

Since then, I have taken it upon myself to work as hard as I can from home, doing whatever I think I need to do and praying it is enough to help us get back on track.  Unfortunately, it seems like when you think you finally have it figured out, when that changes, you can fall pretty hard.  To tell you the truth, I am a bit tired of bruising....

There is a verse in Romans that shed some light on this, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 (NIV)

It all comes back to God's Will and what He has in store or us.  And even though, it is a scary time in our lives, especially financially, I know He has a plan and is going to lead us through it as needed, and in His perfect timing.

In Isaiah 26:3 (NIV), it says, "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."

I don't know about you, but I am choosing to let him transform me this year.

As always,
     Melis

O-N-E H-U-N-D-R-E-D

When I started this blog, I was a few months into grieving the loss of my first angel... 
                                                                                                                                my third child...
My intent was to share with other women that they were not alone...
I wanted other people to know that miscarriage, still birth, and baby loss happens...
    that it is real, and there are women who go through it... often twice, three times, or more...
I wanted my words to possibly help even one woman know that she was not the only one..
    and that there are support groups...
       and organizations...
         and people who can help...
           and who care...
I did not know at the time, however what was ahead of me in that year...
    the year we first chose a family word...
       FAITH...
David warned me.  He told me that word was like setting ourselves up...
I knew... God would do what God would do and He would allow what He would allow...
This was our chance to step out and say we trusted Him, that we had FAITH.  He agreed.

Well, as many of you now know, that word clearly defined our year that unfolded in front of us. Two thousand thirteen was a year full of challenges... and not small ones.  Just before Mother's Day, we discovered we were pregnant again.  We were thrilled and a bit nervous, but mostly excited.  We kept it mostly to ourselves, telling only a handful of people.  We found out at fifteen weeks we had lost another baby... Five days later, I was diagnosed at the age of twenty-eight, on our sixth wedding anniversary with a pulmonary embolism, a large clot in my lungs.  Over the next four days in the hospital, I learned I had an inherited clotting disorder that was likely the source of ALL of this.

The following six months were all about getting better.  I had my blood drawn so frequently, I made friends with two of the ladies who worked there, to the point where I would not go to any other lab... ever.  I was constantly adjusting my medication to align with my INR levels from those blood draws.  Meanwhile, I was still in a lot of pain most days, so I was on pain medication for it.  When the time came for my scan and then my six month follow up, I was nervous but so excited.  On my Daddy's birthday, I found out I was free of Coumadin and the pain was gone.  I no longer needed the pain medication either and I had no side effects.  I felt like I got a huge present on my Daddy's birthday.  It felt freeing...

It was around this time I finally started to feel well enough to take better care of myself. Someone I knew from church posted about P90X3.  I had already had some past success with P90X and I loved the idea that I only needed to work out thirty minutes a day with this one.  A month in, I  was hooked and a month after that, I was signed up as a Beachbody coach.  I was on board, excited and I was changing my life.  I was losing weight, building muscle I did not know I had and I was seeing a future.  I was seeing a chance for life after multiple losses and a pulmonary embolism.  I was living a life on aspirin but that was not going to define me.  I was going to get healthier, fitter and be more in control of my own life, and I was going to take my family along for the ride... because if anyone deserved it, they did.  David had seen me at my worst.  He had not only stuck by me but he had supported me, encouraged me and seen to the kids needs whenever I could not.  My kids never saw me different it seemed either.  They loved on me and knew I was not whole somehow but they cared and wanted me anyway.  My family needed this.  So I was going to make these changes for them.

Something interesting happens when you immerse yourself in something... it changes you.  It takes you to on an adventure that you cannot predict.  You think you are in control but each of those decisions takes you somewhere else.  Yes, I wanted to lose weight but I was learning that with that weight loss, I was getting stronger, and not just physically (which was pretty awesome on its own, let's be honest) but I was starting to think more for myself.  I was not depending on David for as much.  I was starting to do activities I enjoyed again.  I was cooking, baking, running, swimming, writing more... I was making decisions firmly again;  I was not waffling so much.  I was building confidence back that I once had but it was different this time.  It was ALL different this time...

It sure seemed that way.  I was twenty-five lbs down, I was working out six days a week.  I was eating better than I had ever before.  I was working out at least an hour each day and I was setting goals and challenges and not letting injuries or other obstacles stop me.  They were aiding me, teaching me more about myself and who I was, who I could be.  I liked it.  I was ready to crush more programs and goals and take on the world!  Truthfully, I felt like my own version of Wonder Woman.  I knew who I was and no matter what happened next,  I was confident I could handle it; David and I could handle it.  We were equipped, prepared and in control.  Good news or bad news, the world was ours.

And then we found out we were pregnant...  We had just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary.  We were less than a month out from Joy starting first grade.  David had just received a promotion at work and our sweet kiddos seemed genuinely happy.  No one had been sick in months.  I tell you the honest truth, I froze...

Since the moment my hematologist cleared me of my pulmonary embolism, I was ecstatic, not just because I was healed... but because I wanted so badly to have my baby... my rainbow baby... the one that fulfilled the promise that we were able to still have kiddos, the one that meant my hematologist was right and we now not only had a reason for my losses and six additional months "out of commission" but for a solution to it as well.  In theory, it all made sense and it seemed great.... 

Reality is cruel some days.  For so long, you just pray and imagine and wonder what it will be like one day to have your greatest dream come true and when you are on the brink of it, all of your worst fears and insecurities come rushing right back.  And during the first sixteen weeks of my pregnancy (twelve since I found out), that is where I was.  My blood pressure was higher, my days were quieter.  I was more withdrawn.  I initially excitedly told people, only to be reminded each day that anything was possible and we were not safe yet. Additionally, I had morning sickness like never before, as well as fatigue day in and day out.  Parts of me physically hurt so much that I could not figure out how to even walk for exercise... me... the person who had thrived on and lived on and ingrained in myself this idea that exercise was a part of me...

A part of me... Fitness had become a piece of the person I saw myself to be long term, the person I was developing and becoming as an adult... as a mature, healthy, well-rounded adult... It was THAT important to me that I crumbled repeatedly at the thought of not showing that side of me... over and over and over again.  I wanted so much to prove to women that you could be fit and pregnant.  I wanted to be that woman who looked like she could take on the world, even when I was thwarted by pregnancy annoyances.  After all, I had seen other women do it, read their posts and seen photos of what they were eating during pregnancy, how they were continuing their fitness regimen and how great it made them feel... and how much better their labor was because of it.  And then I realized... I was jealous.  I was jealous of the women who did not feel pregnancy the way I did this time around or at least did not appear to feel it the way I did.

Sixteen weeks arrived, and thanks to a sweet friend and a special at our ultrasound place, we got to see our princess, kicking around... with a heartbeat... I think that is when I finally let my breath out for the first time in this entire pregnancy.  The daily injections of Lovenox were working.  My body worked.  My baby looked as healthy as her older brother and sister did.  She was even measuring ahead by a week already (thanks to her father's genes, haha), just as her older siblings did at that point as well.  She was the cutest baby we had seen in a very long time.  And when we picked up Joy from school that day, she shrieked and turned around and told one of her teachers she was going to have a sister.  My heart lit up like letters on a Wheel of Fortune board.

Over the next few weeks, I found strength and some energy and started to walk again.  I was still sick as a dog most days but I was seeing the hope I had not seen for months.  Just that picture of my newest little girl kicking made me smile.  And not more than a week after we saw that ultrasound, I felt those first kicks, right on schedule, just like her older brother and sister.  My back still hurt as well but I kept trying to stay positive as people reminded me over and over that she was fine, growing, even thriving... The closer I got to the New Year, the more hopeful I got, the more ecstatic I got.  I started thinking about running new challenge groups, one right out of the gate in the New Year.  A group of ladies committed to check in and get a health tip and talk about what it meant and apply it as able.  It was simple and for 21 days, that is exactly what many did.  It helped remind me of something I had forgotten...

We have seasons in life.  Some of them are longer or shorter.  Some are ridiculously fun. Some are more challenging.  Some pass by without being noticed.  Some contain combinations of challenges, fantastic news, and moments that pass us by.  But the point is, seasons exist.  And each season ultimately comes to an end, transitioning into another.  I have often noticed they overlap as well in certain areas.  Anytime when I am in one of my harder seasons, I remind myself that it will not last forever, no matter how long it may seem at the time.  This is what we went through during our Year of Faith.  And when the following year hit, our promise was to be content, no matter what.  Considering that year had no huge hurdles, I think there were times we questioned if we were more faithful than content... And yet, she was conceived during this year, found to be a girl during this year, one growing and thriving inside of me like I had only dreamed...

I often think of two-thousand-fourteen as our transition year.  We had it rough for a year, worked out some kinks and frustrations the following year and then we needed to make some serious decisions during two-thousand-fifteen.  We wanted to leave the excuses behind us.  No one would make us feel inferior.  No one would determine whether or not we were happy or content ;-)  No one else had the power over us.  Only God was in control.  We would be setting goals and making plans (to the best of our abilities).  We would be embracing this year like no other.  We would LIVE.  I always make sure to emphasize (I hope) that this word is a verb, an action.  It is NOT passive by any means.  We would trust God.  We would do what we could within His will.  This included David's job, my working, our children, our living situation... absolutely everything...

So it may or may not surprise you to find out that one of those aspects of my life that I have struggled most with in recent weeks is confidence... I lack it.  As I work on my business, I question myself constantly.  I wonder if I am pressuring myself to the point of failure.  I constantly question whether I am a good enough mother or not.  My son did not get a good lunch.  My daughter did not get much time with mommy today.  Homework did not get finished.  The house is still a complete mess, possibly worse when David walks in the door at night.  There is a tantrum and not only do I not know how to stop it, I do not know what is causing it.  I tell my kids to wait.  One of them breaks something.  I worry if I am eating enough.  Will my baby be okay?  It is a constant battle these days.

So in light of this constant struggle as of late, I decided to try an experiment... nothing fancy but with my thirtieth birthday approaching in the next few months, I decided to ask around thirty friends for a word that describes me, no other instructions included.  Now some simply declined and some gave me multiple ones.  Some gave me words that really made me think.  Others repeated a word another had given me, some of which I did not expect to see even once.  Now where am I going with this?  It is about perspective.  The people who know you best, the people who care about you... they do not see your flaws like you do.  Now, they may be the ones to approach you if something really is off because they care but they do not sit there and complain about you constantly and anything that may be "wrong" with you.  So, why do I?  How is it even possible for me to LIVE when I am so focused on all of these negative aspects I see in myself, a human trying to do my best?  It really is not possible to LIVE fully.  So I decided to delve in and see how I was actually perceived...

Some of the words I have struggled with the most are strong, beautiful, and brave... 
   Why? Because I have fought against a perception that I feel weak most of my life, because I    am a woman who does not often see the beauty in who she truly is unless I am feeling            good, and because when life fell down around my family and I, I did what I thought I              needed to do, never once seeing     it as anything other than that.
A word that surprised me... enduring...
   This goes along with the words, strong and brave,  I struggle with it a little but like the        perspective.  I truly believe without God, we would be finished and I would be forever              depressed in a hole.  I do not believer I could endure life without His continual promises.
Some words that encourage me... compassionate, supportive, genuine...
    I love to hear these kinds of words!  I need to remember them!  These are things I strive         for on a regular basis so it is nice to see that I am emanating them to others.

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~ Marilyn Monroe

I came across this quote and could not help but see it as incredibly meaningful for where I am now.  It has been more than two years since we said goodbye to our first angel and there are days I still cry and mourn his loss.  There are days where I still question God.  And as far as we have come in our journey as a family, it still makes us sad.  I have always found a way to explain to others that it has to be a part of something so much bigger but I have only been able to point to my best guess as to what that is.  Perhaps, it was not just so I could share with you my journey and to help others but to help us see how important health is... and life.  Without the passing of our dear Squirt, I would have never started this blog.  I might not have seen the depth of how God can work in one person ,one couple, one family... as He has in ours.  Upon losing Little One and being diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism and Factor V Leiden all within about a week during the summer of two-thousand-thirteen, I became more open to the fact that perhaps God has bigger plans for us as a family and I needed to make some changes.

As previously mentioned, I have struggled with my own self confidence and opinion of myself at times... often actually.  I have been hyper-aware of how I believed I was perceived and always felt like I needed to fight against this idea that I was weak, frail, miniscule, unimportant... I have never wanted to upset people, ruffle feathers, branch out too far.  If it was comfortable or a little outside of my comfort zone, I could be happy... but I never pushed much.  I never wanted to offend people by accident.  I did not want to open up my insecurities that far.  I was scared.  I am scared.  So maybe it is about learning that its okay to pray big dreams, work hard to achieve them and try hard enough to reach people that they just might be offended, but do it in a way that still shows my care and love for them.  I do not have to be timid in sharing any part of my journey or any part of my future or any part of how it has changed my life or my family's for the better.  This is who I am and this is who I want to be.  I want to break free and share...

In about seven to nine weeks, we will be welcoming a new baby girl into our family.  We will be in yet another new phase of our family and our lives and in a lot of ways, we will have come full circle from that day in January when we received the worst news of our lives to date, that we had lost our baby, Squirt.  It by no means erases our memories or thoughts of our babies gone too soon or my health going into limbo for so long.  It does not negate our views on family or life.  If anything, it just enhances them and makes them that much more clear.  I have learned SO much about who I am as a wife, a mother, a baby loss mother, a Beachbody coach, a friend, a daughter, a sister and a woman in Christ... Through all of our struggles, God has remained FAITHFUL and I plan to return the favor.  I plan to LIVE this year, no excuses... I will be INTENTIONAL and GENUINE even when it hurts, even when others do not like it.  I will push harder and work more carefully to achieve my goals and set up a future for my family that I am proud of... and I will never, ever forget how God blessed me with the absolute best friend and husband in the world, my David!

That is all for now...

As always,
Melis

Copyright Photos @Sara Story Photography
sarastory2008@gmail.com, (831) 588-7345

Coming back to my WHY... (12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 8)

"I'm sorry.  There's no heartbeat."

There are no words to express exactly what flooded my mind or heart right then.  But there was hurt and confusion and the realization that I was one of them, those women who would have a baby pass in my womb with no warning whatsoever.  What followed was a bit of a blur.  There was a hospital visit, pain, crying, waiting and phone calls... and a lot of wondering.

But still, only months after that horrible news we were pregnant again.  And just before Mother's Day.  We were ecstatic but cautious.  We were given the impression this happens to people, families... Even my doctor seemed confident.  Until that day in July when we received the news yet again,  This time I insisted on an immediate ultrasound and attention.  And we were there again.  My doctor was to be out of town for the following 2 weeks but assured me we would run tests, check in etc. when he was back,  He did not however seem confident this would yield any results but maybe...

5 days later I was recovering when I had the absolute worst pain my chest I had ever had in my life.  I just could not catch a breath.  Hubby insisted we go to the hospital.  Three and a half hours after entering the ER, I was finally seen.  Two hours later I was informed that I had a pulmonary embolism and would be admitted... on our wedding anniversary.  Hubby was in shock and my kids were not happy Mommy was not coming home.  I had a strange feeling of relief and sadness all mixed in.

But while there I was enlightened.  I had a clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden.  It was most likely the reason my babies only made it to 13-14 & 15 weeks since that is around when the placenta was taking over.  My blood just kept clotting and they couldn't get what they needed.  And I was released four days later on Lovenox and Coumadin.  I was able to stop Lovenox is less than 2 weeks.  For the next 6 months, I took Coumadin daily to shrink and ultimately get rid of the clot in my lungs.  Additionally, I had blood draw after blood draw, sometimes 3 times a week just to get my INR in the therapeutic range. I was also on Norco for pain.  I thought this would be short lived but soon learned that the pain never would fully go away until the clot did.  I rarely knew why some weeks were so much harder but I trusted that this part of the journey would likely be short term in the grand scheme of things.  These things were just apart of it.  Ultimately, I needed to accept that.

Well, it did pass.  What started on a day that was so celebratory ended on a day that truly was celebratory, my Daddy's birthday.  I was given the all clear.  There was no clot and I could go off of the Coumadin for good as long as no blood clot emerged again.  I was instructed by my hematologist to start on aspirin and ultimately stay on it for life.  He also reminded us that we likely could have a baby again but would need to switch to Lovenox for the duration.  We agreed... and I felt a sense of relief.  Suddenly life was about more than surviving.  It took me some time but I ultimately fell into a rhythm, started P90X3 and really started learning about what it was going to take to be healthy again.  I could not focus solely on having a baby but needed to see the bigger picture for my family.

I lost 25 lbs during the next 6 months.  Shortly after being cleared by my doctor, I signed up as a Beachbody Coach and then sat back and watched and took it all in.  By summer of 2014, I was not only a healthy weight but I was running again, swimming again and all around feeling great.  I had found my love of being healthy for not just my family but for me.  I was less dependent on others for my own happiness.  And then the miracle happened...

We found out we were pregnant.  We were thrilled but scared out of our minds.  This was the ultimate test,  We saw our hopes wrapped up in this rainbow baby.  For the first 16 weeks of my pregnancy, I was practically a shell again.  I was nervous and teary and exhausted too.  I threw up frequently.  I was sore early on and there were days I could barely get out of bed.  Each ultrasound David and I attended together pensive but hoping.  And when we saw her at 16 weeks moving up a storm, something clicked again.  

I was reminded that this beautiful rainbow baby girl was not our only miracle.  Given my clotting disorder, both Joy and Micah are miracles as well.  And all of that time we spent surviving the near-death experience and loss of our two angels was worth it, even if the pain was horrific.  You see, I did not start working out for fun.  (Seriously?)  I did not join Beachbody as a coach to just bring in money (although the prospect of it doesn't hurt).  I started doing all of this because I wanted to honor the memory of my babies, Squirt and Little One.  I wanted to be the healthy, fit mommy for my children that are here.  I wanted to be the independent, silly, fun-spirited girl my husband met in middle school and ultimately fell for in college.  I wanted life again.  I wanted to live my calling.  If wanted to honor God with everything I did.  I did not want to be a shell or a piece of anything... I wanted to be GENUINE... and real.  

This is why I became a Beachbody coach.  I have an amazing team I am apart of and I hope to be able to bring some of you on with me.  I don't think I ever saw myself as special or unique.  I was "normal" if you can say that, even average.  My goals are so huge now and I am determined to make some things happen this year.  So as far as this year... I am going to LIVE ~ INTENTIONALly & GENUINE.  I want to help get David home more this year as well and move out of this apartment.  This is what I know so far.  If you have any questions or want to know more, feel free to comment or message me, or click on that cool new bar at the top of this blog ;-)  I am starting a new group this Monday, January 5th to help start fresh, stop looking back and move forward.  I am here to just chat too :-D  That's all for now.

As always,
Melis

P.S. If you are counting, we are now about 3.5 months left until baby girl is due!  And there are some updates coming on her and our plans in the next week or so... stay tuned!

So you decided to sit in on a call with John Maxwell... (12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 7)

In February of this past year, I decided to take the plunge.  I fell in love with Beachbody products and I knew they worked.  I was looking for a way to at least supplement my husband's income so that we could relax some, breathe.  So with the help of a friend and fellow coach, I joined and started watching people on my team and what they did and tried to get an idea of their success.  I continued P90X3 when I wasn't injured (and to some extent when I was) and eventually found a way to balance food and exercise and then it just started to click.  I was excited.  I ran my first challenge group and I saw potential in others, in other people that had something in common with me but were each their own person as well.  I sold a few programs and realized that if I continued to learn and continued to express what was in my heart that this could be a winning combination for me.  

And I still believe it.  Even though the surprise roller coaster of this pregnancy took some time to adjust to, I still believe it.  And here I am 10.5 months in, and I want to make this year the best one yet.  And I know people say it all the time but this year... it is definitely going to be different for me as a person and for my family.  I am going to LIVE this year and I am going to be INTENTIONAL about it.  Now, I did not want to be a hypocrite day one of the New Year.  (I mean, who does?)  One of the great parts of coaching with Beachbody is being on a team.  On our team Facebook group, someone chimed in and reminded us about the call with John Maxwell... yes, you read that right.  Today, at 10am PST, Traci Morrow's entire team was invited on to a call with him.  On a personal level, this is likely the closest I have ever been to starstruck.  I know who this guy is.  I've heard about him over and over growing up.  And through some kind of cool God thing only he could orchestrate, when dozens of us moved from one team to another (which only happens for certain reasons), I ended up in Traci Morrow's downline, who has been mentored the past 2 years by John Maxwell.  For those of you who don't know who Traci Morrow is, she's one kickass amazing woman and a Founding Coach of Beachbody.  And she's a woman of faith which I absolutely LOVE!  Ever done P90X or P90X3? You've seen her.  Let's just say there isn't a better team to be on...

So today, I jumped on the call she hosted with John Maxwell, determined to start my year off right.  If I am going to claim to LIVE this year and make key decisions, I need to be INTENTIONAL.  And that is the very first thing I got from what John Maxwell said.  So this month, I plan to break down what it will mean to LIVE, sort of like mini resolutions or key tenants to making this year the best one yet.  The first part is about being INTENTIONAL.  (Have you got that?)  Keep in mind you can't move forward if you are not looking forward and living where you are, where you are going.  If you are looking backwards, how can you move forward??  Maybe better said by John Maxwell, "Don't look back.  You're not going that way (anymore).  2014 is past.  It's behind you." 

When Traci closed out the call, she quoted him as well on the subject of intentionality.  "Lots of people have good intentions but they don't have intentionality."  Something to think about... So what did you do today?  Clearly, I have got some things to work on.  While you're thinking about that, go ahead and sign up for my "New Year, New You" group on Facebook ~ 3 weeks, 21 tips... Let's just get going in the right direction, okay? https://www.facebook.com/groups/newyearreset/

I am stoked to be on this journey with you and help you in any way I can.  I am here to chat with you online or on the phone, by e-mail... I am totally and completely a work in progress and I am loving what I am starting to see emerge.  

"You cannot give what you do not have." ~ John Maxwell  

Want to be built into this year?  Let me know.  I am pretty excited to see what is to come...

As always, 

Melis

The 12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 6 ~ New Year's Eve

I am not sure if it is just me but did today sneak up on you?  It didn't even sink in when hubby didn't get home until 2 hours after his initial off time.  In fact, I had moments today when I forgot simple things like hours of stores being affected by this "momentous occasion." I think at one point I tried to tell Joy what tomorrow was and she was more concerned about how much closer we were to her next field trip... nice, kid!  Just like your mama ;-) At least that meant I got to take it easier from lunch on today for the most part.  I sure felt like I have needed it.  And it also helped, that hubby made cookies and gave me yummy pizza.  But no, for the most part, today was just another day in this household.  Hubby went to work, stayed a little longer.  The kids and I ran a few errands.  They went to bed fairly close to their normal bedtime.  And tomorrow David s tarts 4 days of usual back-to-back shifts.  Oi!

But as little of an occasion my family may see today (yay us), I am looking forward in hopes to a year of LIVing, of Life! I am looking forward to my new challenge group starting on Monday, the 5th (see my Facebook page).  I am looking forward to welcoming our baby girl into the family this spring!  I am looking forward to weddings, a graduation, a retreat and some other events.  I am looking forward to kicking off some great traditions with my own little family and reaching a comfortable level of stability and flexibility.  What are you looking for?  Perhaps that is all that is on my mind at the moment as a little girl does the wave in my tummy :-p  1 hour until midnight here...

God Bless you all.  See you in 2015!  
As always,
Melissa

12 Days After Christmas ~ Day 2... Time for a NEW Year!

Okay so it is December 27th today, not quite January 1st!  However, as many of you know each year David & I select a word for the year for our family.  (This will be #3!)  And... we have already selected one.  Well, I actually yelled it out over a week ago and further discussed it with David prior to Christmas and he agreed... I think ;-)  I thought about waiting to tell you all about it until December 31st or January 1st... but seeing as my level of patience is well, not the best... I have decided to share it with you all here on my blog, on the 2nd day AFTER Christmas!  Many of you may wonder what I am referring to.  A few years back, I heard someone on the radio saying that instead of a list of resolutions each year, they focused on ONE word to focus on the for their family.  In 2013, we focused on FAITH.  This was an especially hard one but necessary one as we lost 2 babies and I was hospitalized with a pulmonary embolism this year.  Some people say you get what you ask for.  I say you trust God and get what you get ;-)  God knew what our year would look like long before all of that went down.  As a result of the hardships, we found out more about my health and how to deal with it and how to approach future pregnancies.  I know we also learned a lot about our wonderfully FAITHful God!

In 2014, we hemmed back and forth and settled on CONTENTMENT for the year.  I do not think we were quite 100% at this point.  We were looking at where we had come from and knew we still had to wait for a clearance on my lungs and what that might mean for my health and our family down the road.  We were talking more about normal, everyday things and not just trying to survive.  We did not want to get complacent but we did not want to take anything for granted either. God had brought us through some truly hard, life-altering circumstances and we certainly could not and would not try to erase them.  I will admit this one has been quite the struggle in comparison.  Go figure, right?!  It seems when life circumstances are not so drastic, we often try to take things into our own hands more than we should.  God and I did a lot of talking this year about frustrations and my own struggles to trust Him and be content where He had us.  And frankly,  I do not know if I came out a better person for all of the arguing I actually did.  Yep, arguing.  As I said, this one was quite the struggle for me in the later months of the year...

This brings me to our word of 2015 which I think fits perfectly for where we are and where we WANT to be!  We are Striving.  We are Moving Forward.  We want to Succeed and see things Change for the Better...  We.. Want... To...

For us this means NO MORE Complaining about not being able to do things, about David's bosses not letting him off work to be with us, about not making enough money, or "feeling" happy enough.  It is not dependent on our neighbors to change their ways (whether we agree with them or not, which we most certainly do not).  It is not dependent on whether we make others happy all the time.  It is not our job to make everyone else in our lives happy all of the time either!  It is however about taking responsibility and seizing each opportunity that comes our way!  We have chances to change and be better for it and make a better life for our children.  And I pray we truly seek God in it all and choose to make those decisions that will help us LIVE!!!

So join with us and think about what it is that would make 201?5 the BEST YEAR no matter what is thrown your way.  What will YOU DO?  I have some ideas for you popping up on my Facebook page over the next week or two so stay tuned...

As always,

Melis