6 month mark!

I honestly can't believe I just passed the 6 month mark!  On July 28th, our 6th wedding anniversary I was diagnosed with a large pulmonary embolism.  This was only 5 days after our second miscarriage of the year. I couldn't believe it & honestly had no idea what would be next. At the follow up appointments with my hematologist, I learned that I would need to stay on my Coumadin for 6 months, even though 3-4 months was a more likely time frame in which I would be healed up enough. He said he did it to make sure.  Well 6 months couldn't come soon enough but I finally had my scans... yesterday!  I had an ultrasound on my legs & a CT of my chest.  And on Friday, February 7th I get the results!  I am beyond excited and nervous.  If all is clear, I get to go off the Coumadin & on to baby aspirin & get a FULL workup done, hopefully giving us more clear answers as to what happened. 

As excited as I am, a part of me remains hesitant.  These past 6 months have given me a lot of extra "smaller" hurdles: 3-5 yeast infections, a UTI, several colds, a sinus infection, a mysterious wrist injury, multiple drops in my INR that took some time to fix, TONS of blood draws, sharp mysterious pain, unusual cycles, several ER visits, a few GP visits, medication, medication & often even more medication.  But after 6 months, I am starting to see more about what people mean, when they say you can never go back.  I am not the same person I was before all of this happened. Physically, I have to work harder to get my energy; I can't just go out for a run and expect it all to come back to me. I am learning that through baby steps, I can still be relatively healthy & that small boosts of energy are totally just as important as big hurdles reached. Emotionally, I will never be the same either & I think it will be a long time before David looks at me without genuine concern when I tell him something hurts or I need to see a doctor. We've carefully navigated over egg shells for some time & while the pain has mostly subsided, we know we cannot erase the past, nor should we try.  We've become a stronger pair this year, a stronger team.  And whatever the results may be, that is something I definitely would never want to take back!

That's all for now..
<3Melissa