O-N-E H-U-N-D-R-E-D

When I started this blog, I was a few months into grieving the loss of my first angel... 
                                                                                                                                my third child...
My intent was to share with other women that they were not alone...
I wanted other people to know that miscarriage, still birth, and baby loss happens...
    that it is real, and there are women who go through it... often twice, three times, or more...
I wanted my words to possibly help even one woman know that she was not the only one..
    and that there are support groups...
       and organizations...
         and people who can help...
           and who care...
I did not know at the time, however what was ahead of me in that year...
    the year we first chose a family word...
       FAITH...
David warned me.  He told me that word was like setting ourselves up...
I knew... God would do what God would do and He would allow what He would allow...
This was our chance to step out and say we trusted Him, that we had FAITH.  He agreed.

Well, as many of you now know, that word clearly defined our year that unfolded in front of us. Two thousand thirteen was a year full of challenges... and not small ones.  Just before Mother's Day, we discovered we were pregnant again.  We were thrilled and a bit nervous, but mostly excited.  We kept it mostly to ourselves, telling only a handful of people.  We found out at fifteen weeks we had lost another baby... Five days later, I was diagnosed at the age of twenty-eight, on our sixth wedding anniversary with a pulmonary embolism, a large clot in my lungs.  Over the next four days in the hospital, I learned I had an inherited clotting disorder that was likely the source of ALL of this.

The following six months were all about getting better.  I had my blood drawn so frequently, I made friends with two of the ladies who worked there, to the point where I would not go to any other lab... ever.  I was constantly adjusting my medication to align with my INR levels from those blood draws.  Meanwhile, I was still in a lot of pain most days, so I was on pain medication for it.  When the time came for my scan and then my six month follow up, I was nervous but so excited.  On my Daddy's birthday, I found out I was free of Coumadin and the pain was gone.  I no longer needed the pain medication either and I had no side effects.  I felt like I got a huge present on my Daddy's birthday.  It felt freeing...

It was around this time I finally started to feel well enough to take better care of myself. Someone I knew from church posted about P90X3.  I had already had some past success with P90X and I loved the idea that I only needed to work out thirty minutes a day with this one.  A month in, I  was hooked and a month after that, I was signed up as a Beachbody coach.  I was on board, excited and I was changing my life.  I was losing weight, building muscle I did not know I had and I was seeing a future.  I was seeing a chance for life after multiple losses and a pulmonary embolism.  I was living a life on aspirin but that was not going to define me.  I was going to get healthier, fitter and be more in control of my own life, and I was going to take my family along for the ride... because if anyone deserved it, they did.  David had seen me at my worst.  He had not only stuck by me but he had supported me, encouraged me and seen to the kids needs whenever I could not.  My kids never saw me different it seemed either.  They loved on me and knew I was not whole somehow but they cared and wanted me anyway.  My family needed this.  So I was going to make these changes for them.

Something interesting happens when you immerse yourself in something... it changes you.  It takes you to on an adventure that you cannot predict.  You think you are in control but each of those decisions takes you somewhere else.  Yes, I wanted to lose weight but I was learning that with that weight loss, I was getting stronger, and not just physically (which was pretty awesome on its own, let's be honest) but I was starting to think more for myself.  I was not depending on David for as much.  I was starting to do activities I enjoyed again.  I was cooking, baking, running, swimming, writing more... I was making decisions firmly again;  I was not waffling so much.  I was building confidence back that I once had but it was different this time.  It was ALL different this time...

It sure seemed that way.  I was twenty-five lbs down, I was working out six days a week.  I was eating better than I had ever before.  I was working out at least an hour each day and I was setting goals and challenges and not letting injuries or other obstacles stop me.  They were aiding me, teaching me more about myself and who I was, who I could be.  I liked it.  I was ready to crush more programs and goals and take on the world!  Truthfully, I felt like my own version of Wonder Woman.  I knew who I was and no matter what happened next,  I was confident I could handle it; David and I could handle it.  We were equipped, prepared and in control.  Good news or bad news, the world was ours.

And then we found out we were pregnant...  We had just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary.  We were less than a month out from Joy starting first grade.  David had just received a promotion at work and our sweet kiddos seemed genuinely happy.  No one had been sick in months.  I tell you the honest truth, I froze...

Since the moment my hematologist cleared me of my pulmonary embolism, I was ecstatic, not just because I was healed... but because I wanted so badly to have my baby... my rainbow baby... the one that fulfilled the promise that we were able to still have kiddos, the one that meant my hematologist was right and we now not only had a reason for my losses and six additional months "out of commission" but for a solution to it as well.  In theory, it all made sense and it seemed great.... 

Reality is cruel some days.  For so long, you just pray and imagine and wonder what it will be like one day to have your greatest dream come true and when you are on the brink of it, all of your worst fears and insecurities come rushing right back.  And during the first sixteen weeks of my pregnancy (twelve since I found out), that is where I was.  My blood pressure was higher, my days were quieter.  I was more withdrawn.  I initially excitedly told people, only to be reminded each day that anything was possible and we were not safe yet. Additionally, I had morning sickness like never before, as well as fatigue day in and day out.  Parts of me physically hurt so much that I could not figure out how to even walk for exercise... me... the person who had thrived on and lived on and ingrained in myself this idea that exercise was a part of me...

A part of me... Fitness had become a piece of the person I saw myself to be long term, the person I was developing and becoming as an adult... as a mature, healthy, well-rounded adult... It was THAT important to me that I crumbled repeatedly at the thought of not showing that side of me... over and over and over again.  I wanted so much to prove to women that you could be fit and pregnant.  I wanted to be that woman who looked like she could take on the world, even when I was thwarted by pregnancy annoyances.  After all, I had seen other women do it, read their posts and seen photos of what they were eating during pregnancy, how they were continuing their fitness regimen and how great it made them feel... and how much better their labor was because of it.  And then I realized... I was jealous.  I was jealous of the women who did not feel pregnancy the way I did this time around or at least did not appear to feel it the way I did.

Sixteen weeks arrived, and thanks to a sweet friend and a special at our ultrasound place, we got to see our princess, kicking around... with a heartbeat... I think that is when I finally let my breath out for the first time in this entire pregnancy.  The daily injections of Lovenox were working.  My body worked.  My baby looked as healthy as her older brother and sister did.  She was even measuring ahead by a week already (thanks to her father's genes, haha), just as her older siblings did at that point as well.  She was the cutest baby we had seen in a very long time.  And when we picked up Joy from school that day, she shrieked and turned around and told one of her teachers she was going to have a sister.  My heart lit up like letters on a Wheel of Fortune board.

Over the next few weeks, I found strength and some energy and started to walk again.  I was still sick as a dog most days but I was seeing the hope I had not seen for months.  Just that picture of my newest little girl kicking made me smile.  And not more than a week after we saw that ultrasound, I felt those first kicks, right on schedule, just like her older brother and sister.  My back still hurt as well but I kept trying to stay positive as people reminded me over and over that she was fine, growing, even thriving... The closer I got to the New Year, the more hopeful I got, the more ecstatic I got.  I started thinking about running new challenge groups, one right out of the gate in the New Year.  A group of ladies committed to check in and get a health tip and talk about what it meant and apply it as able.  It was simple and for 21 days, that is exactly what many did.  It helped remind me of something I had forgotten...

We have seasons in life.  Some of them are longer or shorter.  Some are ridiculously fun. Some are more challenging.  Some pass by without being noticed.  Some contain combinations of challenges, fantastic news, and moments that pass us by.  But the point is, seasons exist.  And each season ultimately comes to an end, transitioning into another.  I have often noticed they overlap as well in certain areas.  Anytime when I am in one of my harder seasons, I remind myself that it will not last forever, no matter how long it may seem at the time.  This is what we went through during our Year of Faith.  And when the following year hit, our promise was to be content, no matter what.  Considering that year had no huge hurdles, I think there were times we questioned if we were more faithful than content... And yet, she was conceived during this year, found to be a girl during this year, one growing and thriving inside of me like I had only dreamed...

I often think of two-thousand-fourteen as our transition year.  We had it rough for a year, worked out some kinks and frustrations the following year and then we needed to make some serious decisions during two-thousand-fifteen.  We wanted to leave the excuses behind us.  No one would make us feel inferior.  No one would determine whether or not we were happy or content ;-)  No one else had the power over us.  Only God was in control.  We would be setting goals and making plans (to the best of our abilities).  We would be embracing this year like no other.  We would LIVE.  I always make sure to emphasize (I hope) that this word is a verb, an action.  It is NOT passive by any means.  We would trust God.  We would do what we could within His will.  This included David's job, my working, our children, our living situation... absolutely everything...

So it may or may not surprise you to find out that one of those aspects of my life that I have struggled most with in recent weeks is confidence... I lack it.  As I work on my business, I question myself constantly.  I wonder if I am pressuring myself to the point of failure.  I constantly question whether I am a good enough mother or not.  My son did not get a good lunch.  My daughter did not get much time with mommy today.  Homework did not get finished.  The house is still a complete mess, possibly worse when David walks in the door at night.  There is a tantrum and not only do I not know how to stop it, I do not know what is causing it.  I tell my kids to wait.  One of them breaks something.  I worry if I am eating enough.  Will my baby be okay?  It is a constant battle these days.

So in light of this constant struggle as of late, I decided to try an experiment... nothing fancy but with my thirtieth birthday approaching in the next few months, I decided to ask around thirty friends for a word that describes me, no other instructions included.  Now some simply declined and some gave me multiple ones.  Some gave me words that really made me think.  Others repeated a word another had given me, some of which I did not expect to see even once.  Now where am I going with this?  It is about perspective.  The people who know you best, the people who care about you... they do not see your flaws like you do.  Now, they may be the ones to approach you if something really is off because they care but they do not sit there and complain about you constantly and anything that may be "wrong" with you.  So, why do I?  How is it even possible for me to LIVE when I am so focused on all of these negative aspects I see in myself, a human trying to do my best?  It really is not possible to LIVE fully.  So I decided to delve in and see how I was actually perceived...

Some of the words I have struggled with the most are strong, beautiful, and brave... 
   Why? Because I have fought against a perception that I feel weak most of my life, because I    am a woman who does not often see the beauty in who she truly is unless I am feeling            good, and because when life fell down around my family and I, I did what I thought I              needed to do, never once seeing     it as anything other than that.
A word that surprised me... enduring...
   This goes along with the words, strong and brave,  I struggle with it a little but like the        perspective.  I truly believe without God, we would be finished and I would be forever              depressed in a hole.  I do not believer I could endure life without His continual promises.
Some words that encourage me... compassionate, supportive, genuine...
    I love to hear these kinds of words!  I need to remember them!  These are things I strive         for on a regular basis so it is nice to see that I am emanating them to others.

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~ Marilyn Monroe

I came across this quote and could not help but see it as incredibly meaningful for where I am now.  It has been more than two years since we said goodbye to our first angel and there are days I still cry and mourn his loss.  There are days where I still question God.  And as far as we have come in our journey as a family, it still makes us sad.  I have always found a way to explain to others that it has to be a part of something so much bigger but I have only been able to point to my best guess as to what that is.  Perhaps, it was not just so I could share with you my journey and to help others but to help us see how important health is... and life.  Without the passing of our dear Squirt, I would have never started this blog.  I might not have seen the depth of how God can work in one person ,one couple, one family... as He has in ours.  Upon losing Little One and being diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism and Factor V Leiden all within about a week during the summer of two-thousand-thirteen, I became more open to the fact that perhaps God has bigger plans for us as a family and I needed to make some changes.

As previously mentioned, I have struggled with my own self confidence and opinion of myself at times... often actually.  I have been hyper-aware of how I believed I was perceived and always felt like I needed to fight against this idea that I was weak, frail, miniscule, unimportant... I have never wanted to upset people, ruffle feathers, branch out too far.  If it was comfortable or a little outside of my comfort zone, I could be happy... but I never pushed much.  I never wanted to offend people by accident.  I did not want to open up my insecurities that far.  I was scared.  I am scared.  So maybe it is about learning that its okay to pray big dreams, work hard to achieve them and try hard enough to reach people that they just might be offended, but do it in a way that still shows my care and love for them.  I do not have to be timid in sharing any part of my journey or any part of my future or any part of how it has changed my life or my family's for the better.  This is who I am and this is who I want to be.  I want to break free and share...

In about seven to nine weeks, we will be welcoming a new baby girl into our family.  We will be in yet another new phase of our family and our lives and in a lot of ways, we will have come full circle from that day in January when we received the worst news of our lives to date, that we had lost our baby, Squirt.  It by no means erases our memories or thoughts of our babies gone too soon or my health going into limbo for so long.  It does not negate our views on family or life.  If anything, it just enhances them and makes them that much more clear.  I have learned SO much about who I am as a wife, a mother, a baby loss mother, a Beachbody coach, a friend, a daughter, a sister and a woman in Christ... Through all of our struggles, God has remained FAITHFUL and I plan to return the favor.  I plan to LIVE this year, no excuses... I will be INTENTIONAL and GENUINE even when it hurts, even when others do not like it.  I will push harder and work more carefully to achieve my goals and set up a future for my family that I am proud of... and I will never, ever forget how God blessed me with the absolute best friend and husband in the world, my David!

That is all for now...

As always,
Melis

Copyright Photos @Sara Story Photography
sarastory2008@gmail.com, (831) 588-7345

Miracles Come in Different Shapes & Sizes...

As I sit here cradling my little belly, I can't help but thank God for the blessing of this precious baby girl.  I read something this morning that really put things in perspective for me from a personal standpoint~ "If you don't believe in miracles, perhaps you've forgotten you are one."  This applies to anyone.  But in my personal life, I've found myself calling all of my children miracles...

Micah & Joy were both conceived and born before I discovered my Factor V Leiden clotting disorder.  I had no complications or serious issues with either pregnancy.  Baby girl due this coming spring is a miracle because we found out why we lost our 2 precious angels and were able to put me on an injection that would medically mean this little girl would most likely make it safely into our arms... If you ask me, without God none of them are possible, including my own husband who I feel blessed to have in my life, a man I met at church during middle school.  Clearly, I didn't know God's plan then... as we didn't start dating until 8 years after we met ;-)

Miracles, Blessings, Thankfulness... this is where I am tonight as I pray for God's leading as we move forward.  What are you thankful for???

As always,
Melis

Blown away...

I'm trying to get my head around this...

I'm not used to this kind of putting myself out there. Sure, I shared my life with you all this last year but YOU chose to read this blog, stay informed and encourage me.  And for those who liked my recently set up fitness Facebook page, YOU again chose to follow it.  You all read because you want to.  What happened last night was something I could not have imagined.  It was beyond anything I could have predicted. 

You see I posted those transformation photos not because I wanted the praise but because I wanted to share with all of you a few things...

1) My love for fitness & health. I love it because I love me and I want to be a BETTER me. I want my family to feel it. I want them to love it or at least appreciate it like I do.

2) I want to inspire others.  It took me a LONG time to be in the place to lose weight, to start this transformation for real, to become consistent to the point where I pretty much HATE rest days.  That is right. I miss working out on those days.

3) Where is all came from... It is not an accident I started to change my habits.  It sure was not a magic pill either.  It comes from a raw place I am often reliving.  Last year, after losing 2 babies and on the brink of losing my own life, I immediately went into survival mode for myself, my kids, my hubby.  After getting off the Coumadin and on to aspirin as instructed by my hematologist, I did NOT bounce back. I struggled... horribly.  I hid. I did anything I could to avoid people.  But with time, grieving and some serious inspiration, I knew that for those very reasons, I HAD to do this.  This was NOT a choice for more anymore...

...LIFE is far too important to just sail through...

My transformation is far from over. I am excited to keep moving towards my goals and prayerfully continue to build our family as God allows and leads us.  I am very excited about this stage of our lives and that I get to share my <3 with ALL of YOU!!!

Thank you for continuing to read and delve in to my story, my life, my transformation... I hope to help inspire others on their own.  If you wanna chat, message me and/or check me out at Facebook.com/RunLissaRun

This is NOT ultimately just about me.  I hope we ALL make it, YES?

That's all for now,

Melis

This is the 1st day of the rest of my life...

Okay, so I know we've all had our moments, our transitions, our times when we realized how different things could be now, often good and often bad but as cliche as it may seem, today really is the 1st day of this next season, a day when everything starts to change & I get to find out what my body is made of, really made of.  One thing I learned on Coumadin is that my body needed help, help to function, help to heal.  However, Coumadin was very likely also the reason I was so worn, tired & fatigued regularly. Even as I recently ventured into working out & eating on the newer P90X3 plan, I would get a slight boost of energy, only to be worn a few hours later.  My body had changed and I knew somehow, that no matter what meds I was on, some things would never be the same.

However, taking that all into account, I no longer need to be on Coumadin.  My doctor emphatically and comfidently review my history & scan results and prescribed Aspirin for the rest of my life, just one a day.  Now, say what you want but when you have a large pulmonary embolism at 28, you don't question your doctor's orders, the doctor that got you safely through 6 months of he**! (At least I don't.) I hated being on Coumadin and after all of those blood draws, my poor arms had so much scar tissue.  The poor lab techs worked harder than ever and I am glad to be free of that frustration.

Today, I get to celebrate continuing through transition week (week 4) of my journey on P90X3.  I get to see as time goes by if being off Coumadin is really going to help my energy nd my general "feeling" of quality of life.  I am so very thankful for all of the doctors, nurses, clinical pharmacists, PAs and the rest for all of their hard work, kind words & friendly bedside manor. They made this experience less painful, more bearable.  I also feel so blessed as we enter this new season to have had so so many friends and family praying for us through 2013, especially these last 6 months.  That was very apparent on Facebook last night and I genuinely won't forget it.

It's been a long year, a long 6 months... This is the 1ST day of the REST of my LIFE!!!

<3Melis

Write, Write, Write

A little while back, I got some interesting advice,  My Dad had heard I'd been blogging through all the hard times.  He encouraged me, telling me some of the best advice he'd ever gotten was to write & write & write, to write something everyday, whether short, long, serious, funny, whatever.  Well I haven't done too well at that, even though thoughts swirl through my head ALL day long, as I am sure most women can attest to.  So this post is just to write, to share a little, to tell you what's been on my mind. No need to patronize me but if you're interested, go ahead and read because I think my Daddy's advice was good & I want to keep writing...

Anyone else going to miss the Olympics because they don't have cable or satellite? When I finally gave in to ditching cable to save money, it didn't occur to me I would miss them. Seriously, swirling thoughts constantly going through my head & it somehow didn't occur to me until a week ago. It is not that I don't love saving the money (because we really need to) but I love the Olympics, winter & summer versions alike. I have always associated them with positive things.  Joy was born only a couple months before the Summer of 2008 ones. Micah was born about 6 months before the Summer 2012 ones.  And Squirt was due 7-8 months ago, Little One was due less than a month ago, so naturally I see a lot of happy things, as I sit nursing or thought I would be, as in the most recent cases.

Another thing that has been traveling though my mind is the fact that I am not the same person I was a year ago, or even 7 months ago... I mean, I know we can all say that to a point... but here's where I am going.  When I first found out about the baby loss community online, I remember reading how you are never the same when you lose a child.  I am sure most who have been down this round understand what I mean. We lost 2, both in the 2nd trimester. Again, I was hurt & I knew we could never go back and change the past, that emotionally, David & I were different people, apart & together & that we would need to learn how to BE us, having lost 2 precious babies.  But I am going beyond that.  When we discovered the night of our anniversary in the Emergency Room that I had a pulmonary embolism, all we were concerned with was getting me through that period of time, getting me out of the hospital for good, traversing the 6 months, hopefully going off the Coumadin & moving on, trying to find out how to continue to be a couple, a family & prayerfully grow it.  Only a week or two ago, I was reminded of my humanity once again.  I just had my 6 months scans. I have my results delivered Friday, my Daddy's birthday, in a hematology appt.  If the results are great, there are more steps, as in getting off of this medicine, on to a lesser one, and getting the full workup done to hopefully, confirm, deny or find out more about what happened, how I lost those babies and what can be done for me & for our (hopefully) growing family down the line... But as I have realized, closing this particular chapter doesn't mean going back to before the pulmonary embolism.  I will always need to be aware that I could develop a blood clot, or my kids could. When they hit, one often has a short amount amount of time to respond before it can cause serious harm (understatement alert).  Also, I started working out a few weeks ago.  When I used to workout, I would get huge bursts of energy, often getting me through almost the entire day.  Now, one workout gives me at most a few hours of energy.  Yes, I feel better. Yes, I tend to have more color in my face, a little more motivation in my day etc. But I am not the same energetic, bouncy person, at least not to the obvious point.  Last year was hard emotionally & physically.  And while I don't blame God for any of it, (I am not even angry) I am aware I am a different person to a degree.  There isn't anything wrong with that in and of itself.  David & I have become much closer & stronger together (although I know we still have our things to work on). These last 6 months have given me a lot to think about.  And, there is always the chance my scans will not come back clean enough to proceed forward.  Only God knows what happened during these 6 months. I haven't had a scan since a week after admittance in the ER.

I'm looking forward to sharing with you all more this year as there will be more challenges, transitions & the like this year. As most of you know by now, our word for the year is Contentment. Personally, I have decided to challenge myself by adding a word for myself each month to focus on.  Last month, I called "Kickstart Contentment." I needed to remind myself not to get complacent.  This is a new year & I need to not be lazy.  So, I  refreshed my zeal by committing to an online vendor faire & established my presence on FB with Pampered Chef (see link at bottom if you are interested).  I also convinced David to purchase P90X3, only 30 minutes a day but still a good focus on eating right.  I almost quite day 3 but I am still going strong 2.5 weeks in because of my best friend being the greatest support ever, my friend at church coaching me on & other good friends encouragement in the way I look & act.  So this year is going to be different. This month of February for me is going to be about Contented Focus. I need to stop letting my crazy brain keep me from starting & finishing things. I need to let other things go & not just be at church & Bible Study but BE there present & soaking it all in.

I know my wording is a little funny tonight. I ran out of pronouns & other choices for words.  To be honest, I just need to get my oldest in bed before it gets too late & she needs her sheets on her bed (which I didn't realize).  So, let me know how you like this idea. Some days I will have 5 words, other 5 pages (haha) but I am going to at least try to write 3-4 days a week again, Share with me any thoughts you have.   I have some more topics to explore but I need to have a few discussions & do some research.  I will keep you posted as long as you keep me updated, okay?

As always,
<3Melissa

And if you are at all interested in placing an order with Pampered Chef OR just supporting me by liking my new FB page, head on over to Pampered Chef: Melissa N. Voeltz. It's about time I start trying to make this business work so I can help my family out more! As I say frequently over there & to others regarding it ~ I bake. I cook. I love life. I’ll plan your show or help you host your own! This is the life...  

6 month mark!

I honestly can't believe I just passed the 6 month mark!  On July 28th, our 6th wedding anniversary I was diagnosed with a large pulmonary embolism.  This was only 5 days after our second miscarriage of the year. I couldn't believe it & honestly had no idea what would be next. At the follow up appointments with my hematologist, I learned that I would need to stay on my Coumadin for 6 months, even though 3-4 months was a more likely time frame in which I would be healed up enough. He said he did it to make sure.  Well 6 months couldn't come soon enough but I finally had my scans... yesterday!  I had an ultrasound on my legs & a CT of my chest.  And on Friday, February 7th I get the results!  I am beyond excited and nervous.  If all is clear, I get to go off the Coumadin & on to baby aspirin & get a FULL workup done, hopefully giving us more clear answers as to what happened. 

As excited as I am, a part of me remains hesitant.  These past 6 months have given me a lot of extra "smaller" hurdles: 3-5 yeast infections, a UTI, several colds, a sinus infection, a mysterious wrist injury, multiple drops in my INR that took some time to fix, TONS of blood draws, sharp mysterious pain, unusual cycles, several ER visits, a few GP visits, medication, medication & often even more medication.  But after 6 months, I am starting to see more about what people mean, when they say you can never go back.  I am not the same person I was before all of this happened. Physically, I have to work harder to get my energy; I can't just go out for a run and expect it all to come back to me. I am learning that through baby steps, I can still be relatively healthy & that small boosts of energy are totally just as important as big hurdles reached. Emotionally, I will never be the same either & I think it will be a long time before David looks at me without genuine concern when I tell him something hurts or I need to see a doctor. We've carefully navigated over egg shells for some time & while the pain has mostly subsided, we know we cannot erase the past, nor should we try.  We've become a stronger pair this year, a stronger team.  And whatever the results may be, that is something I definitely would never want to take back!

That's all for now..
<3Melissa

We made it!

Hi All!
  
Thank you all for the prayers our way. We made it through the weekend alive ;-) Feeling encouraged as I have a workout plan I hope to be starting Friday (already put off twice for different issues that came up).  I would ask you continue to pray for us.  My health is still a concern. Even though we are SO close to the scans, things keep coming up that give us reason to pray even more. Also, it seems we may be heading into a time of transition. A lot is going on in our minds & hearts and we really have no idea where God is leading. Please pray for guidance & calm.  David & I are more united than ever before but we are only human & really don't know where God is leading or if He wants us to just stay right where we are.  We are still learning about contentment & are trying to narrow in what it means for us as a family, notably in different arenas of our lives.

Just a quick one today.
Thanks again for all of the support.
More comprehensive blog coming in the next week I hope.

Your Friend,
Melis

Bring it on?

What a year!  I have to admit I am kind of relieved to be saying goodbye to 2013. This has easily been our hardest year to date.  We started out our year officially losing baby Squirt on January 10th which prompted me declaring it "Our Year of Faith." A few months followed & one month into my P90X journey, we discovered I was pregnant again.  I evolved to not miss a beat. I joined a "Rainbow" group on FB, took pics every week from 5 weeks on, faithfully made every appt, even hosting a thank you for close friends, as well as planning my gender reveal party. At 15w2d there we were again. No htbt. Baby was gone. That was July 23rd. July 28th,  our 6th wedding anniversary I was admitted with what was referred to as a very large pulmonary embolism. I was released on blood thinners August 1st.

I was determined to try and fight through it all, not letting it get me down, blogging frequently & trying to focus on my family.  That was follows up with 5 back-t-back 2 week or so periods & 3-4 yeast infection s. Once my INR stabilized,  I could finally start to see the light at the end of this p see et of our journey.

And then December hit. 3 ER visits diagnosing some unknown issue with my wrist (bruise without contact of anything and initially very painful), a sinus infection & a UTI, only to be hit with a sore throat and more cold symptoms only a few days ago. I am exhausted but I think, finally on the mend.

2013 has been all about faith & God has definitely stretched us, Himself proving faithful to us through it all. 2014 holds some tough dates out the gate with January 10th being Squirt's 1st angelversary & January 12th bring Little One's former due date. But this year, we look forward to exploring & growing in anlther way. We don't know why this year was so hard, nor why some things stayed stagnant & others only got worse. 

As I lay here cuddling my little boy, I want to share our goal for 2014. ~ Contentment. We don't know what this next year holds but I am glad it is just around the corner. I hope you will consider a challenge yourself. My hubby and I are closer than ever to each other, our kiddos & to our Lord Jesus. Hard as it was,  I can hope God fulfilled some of His Will through our struggles. I trust God has big things in store going forward.  Having said all that...

2014... Bring It On!!!

*Melis*

Voeltz Family Update

A month & a half ago I posted & not again... 

~It sure feels like a lot longer than that.  To be honest, I just didn't know what to say.  As hard as this year has been, these past couple of months have been the most emotional for me.  I feel like the ups & downs are apart of my life now.  I am used to tears, mood swings & settling in for my evenings of irritability.  Micah lately has begun sleeping even worse. He's more stubborn & I'm more sensitive but together we cuddle so well.  I've been told over & over to let myself grieve, let myself have bad days, to be okay with a little bit done at a time but it doesn't stop the guilt some days.  I want to do more, be a better mom, wife, friend... I've found myself spending more time at home, less time online, finding things like baking & craft projects to focus on.  I try to regularly post thankfulness on Facebook & stay aware of who I am now & not try to be anyone else.  David's schedule has regulated recently for the time being & he recently got a small raise that doesn't get us out of the woods but it helps some nonetheless.  I often go to bed early & the other nights I stay awake waiting for my David to come home for that hug & chat before sleeping.  My pain levels have dropped quite a bit & my "womanly" issues since the summer have finally started to improve.  After a lot of time staying home, I  have recently started to organize a play date here & there, a walk or a meet up with a friend as time & sensitivity allows.  Life isn't easy & I guess I just wasn't ready to tell you all that, that months later, I am struggling emotionally more than ever.  As we head towards the New Year, David & I dread our Squirt's first angelversary & our Little One's original due date, just 2 days apart towards the middle of January.  I've spent a lot of time focusing on the holidays, projects & anything that will help me through the day to be a better mom to my kids.  David has been amazing.  Its amazing how far our marriage has come in the 6+ years.  Just the other day, he said all of the right things & knew when to hold me & how to get us through our morning & out the door in time.  My parents have been marvelous too as I have spent many a Sunday this fall at their place dealing with the stresses, emotions, & side effects of medications. I'm looking forward to returning to Home Front with David after the New Year & also glad Bible Study will return as well.  Just today, a friend & I set up a standing play date.  Looking forward to having that time with her while our kiddos play.  We said goodbye to one of our vehicles recently.  David was hit at a stoplight & the insurance company deemed it a total loss.  We've got some decisions to make.  So ups, downs... they're normal~

How can you pray for us?  Pray we can set me up with regular counseling to help healing & processing for me.  Pray for continued stability in David's schedule & that it won't be too long before the promotion & next raise.  Pray for David's & my emotional health. This year of Faith has tested us through & through & there are days we feel like we are constantly running for cover. Please pray for our kiddos as well.  It can't be easy walking on egg shells around Mommy & Daddy.  Please pray as we approach 6 months of pulmonary embolism medicine at the end of January.  If all is clear then, I will be pulled off of the medicine, put on aspirin for a little bit & able to have a full workup done, hopefully for more answers for us. 

Some praises?  Joy absolutely loves school.  We are very thankful for TVCCA & Mrs. Beasley. Thank God David wasn't hurt in the accident,  Considering his ongoing back problems, we are glad nothing got worse.  We are thankful my pain levels have dropped. We are blessed with amazing friends that have showered us with love & prayers during this very difficult year.

We appreciate all of the support.  Hopefully I will be blogging again more these days.
As always,
Melissa

Say What?

As if enough wasn't already going on in my life, it seems I had quite a few calls to made, all revolving around my health, and all of them... today. But of course, that wouldn't be enough, would it?

My morning started off just fine.  My hubby took Joy to school for me, bringing Micah along for the ride.  He then entertained & fed Micah and put him down for nap.  I awoke finally, much later than expected but mostly rested.  It was then that I noticed my body was still trying to figure out what time of month it was... lovely, how long can one of these last?  I also noticed the pain, but seeing as I needed to shower, I did that first and then took the pain meds, which of course, being that it had been much longer since the last dose (even though I was sleeping), it took awhile for my body to "take." I called back the clinical pharmacists to find out my INR was... 2.2!  Fantastic as it is that its finally therapeutic, she suggested I call my OB for the bleeding issue.  I called and left a message.  (Still no call back) I called my hematologist's office as well around this time and the girl there said that she was allowed to call in my prescription for pain meds. This was great to hear that I would get it tomorrow, as I would be out by midday tomorrow.

I got ready and took off with Micah, while David was leaving for work so there wouldn't be any fall out there.  We went the "pretty way" to pick up Joy from school.  Micah clearly needed some more sleep, as he fell asleep 5-10 minutes into the drive. After picking up Joy, we headed back home the pretty way again. I got a call while I was driving from my hematologist's office. She told me that the prescription was called in but I wouldn't be allowed to have it for another 5 days since I just picked up some from another pharmacy... I did what? Clearly, my pharmacy needed a call.

When I got home, I unloaded the kids and got on the phone with my pharmacy. They said someone had called in one to be picked up at Rite Aid under my name.  Not a chance, not a stinkin' chance that happened by me or my doctor's office (which I confirmed).  She said she would call over to Rite Aide (Rite Aide? I don't use Rite Aide for anything, much less prescriptions) & call me back. About 10 minutes later, she did.  No explanation but that my prescription would be ready in 15-20 minutes... for real? Nice. I called to thank the girl at my hematologist's office for alerting me.  Glad we got it sorted out... praying it doesn't happen again.  So, off to dance we go shortly and Micah & I will go grab my pain meds.  Thankful for those who know what to do in this situation and that I wasn't held to someone else's error.

That's all for now...
*Melis*

Surprise! Time for another... *ouch* ~ blood draw!

This road is likely the bumpiest I have ever traveled. Its a bit ironic.  As I have been spending a bit of time getting to know a lot of the alternate ways to and from Livermore (church & Joy's school), my life seems to be looking much to same.  There are plenty of hills, curves, straight-a-ways... you get my drift! Last week, I lamented over my Wednesday, a not-so-good health day for me.  At the time, I wondered if it was somehow related to my actual blood draw that morning.  It wasn't.  How do I know? Today, I had another day like that.  I was feeling sick, tired, lethargic, worn, dizzy, lightheaded... & to top it all off? I had some suspicious bleeding!  Not ideal for someone on Coumadin for a pulmonary embolism!  Since my INR was high the day I felt this way last week, I suspect its related.  I am concerned as well.  I asked my hubby to call the Coumadin Clinic for me at Sutter Tracy and he did. They asked me to go in for a blood draw today when I got back home to Tracy.  I made it 20 minutes before closing at 3:40pm with my kids in tow.  Fortunately, there was no line... and get this, the ladies who work there were thinking they should have seen me that morning and were wondering where I was... great! (I actually have been going in Wednesdays.)  I was in & out and on my way to the store before heading home just in time for a nice early dinner.  I am feeling a smidgen better, as I did later on last Wednesday.  I will get my INR results tomorrow.  I am guessing that means I won't have it checked again Thursday but we will see.  Please keep me in your prayers.  The good news is that since David doesn't go in until 4:30 tomorrow, after I drop off Joy at school, I will get to spend the day at my friend's relaxing & trying to get some things done... It's about time ;) Thank you for all oft he prayers... 1.5 hrs until bedtime...

That's all for now...
*Melis*

Blood draw, the kindness of strangers, weak & headaches, INR & hubby...

Is the title long enough?

I'll admit, feeling a bit guilty I have written much lately. That about sums it up but I am guessing its still confusing, yes? So, I'll bite!  I'll give you some more... I guess ;)

I feel like I have an eternity to update.  I'll start where I can...

What a day yesterday was!  I woke up cuddled next to my little boy (who is growing way too fast by the way).  He most always finds his way into our bed just a few hours before wake up these days. I don't have the heart to turn him away so I ask David to grab him.  When David grabbed him, he set him between us.  Micah moved around, smirked & cuddled up to me.  I love my little mama's boy!  It is so good to be loved by him & wake up next to him.  It made it really hard to get out of bed this morning. But, alas it had to happen.

Fortunately, David already was getting Joy up, her uniform picked out, her lunch made... you name it! Two days in a row I drop the ball.  Two days in a row he hits it out of the park!! He is beyond what I could have imagined in the little, everyday things of life, I must say.  But getting back to my day... As I slowly got ready, I encouraged my Joy Joy to get ready as Micah slept soundly in the background, still laying on our bed.  She was slow to get ready, as she is most days but cheerful nonetheless & David showed no signs of rushing her, despite the time on the clock.  I frantically ran around myself, hoping to find a jacket or a sweater I liked... or something but gave up, asking if it was okay if I headed out for my blood draw.  There seems to be a line these days & I rarely remember to make an appointment.  He agreed & I headed out the door... COLD.  As soon as I started the car I realized I was missing my phone but brushed it off as I knew I would be home long before David & Micah anyway.

To my surprise, I was one of the first to arrive, just 5 minutes or so shy of 7am.  By 7:15am I was back in the car & on my way to grab coffee across town.  *This one was free so I wasn't passing it up!)  I noticed the "check gauges" light on but brushed it off for the most part as I knew I had put enough gas in the day before & David always reminds me I am okay to drive.  I grabbed my coffee shortly after and started towards home.  And then it happened, I was running out of gas.  I was out within seconds & freaked.  I panicked. No phone and no clue how to get it, the nearest gas station was less than a half mile away but I couldn't remember if the gas can was in the back or not. Relieved to find it, I tried to put the tiny amount in it in my car.  No luck of that helping. I contemplated my next move, deciding to grab my keys, purse & the gas can & ran to the gas station. I was flustered but thankful I had some cash on me, even if it was meant for something else initially. It was my only form of payment in that moment.  I got in line & in light tears asked the guy how much I needed and how much it would cost & then headed out to fill it up.  Only it wouldn't fill up.  Fortunately for me, another attendant noticed my frustration and offered to help me.  I gladly accepted and he mentioned sometimes you have to "re-click" the nozzle in and out of its holder and then try again.  He did & I was thrilled. He asked if I knew what to do and I responded with a definite "yes!" as I had troubleshooted the gas can back at the car just minutes before.

Feeling a little more relieved, I headed for the car, only to see what I thought was a cop behind it. Panicked I was now receiving a ticket, I started to run but I had a crosswalk on a major street in front of me and was in my walking sandals.  (Yes, walking.  I love them for that because I am not a "shoe person" but they are not good for running.)  He was gone before I got there. I was nervous. Upon arriving, however, no ticket... phew! However, as cars whizzed past & I waited to try & fill my tank, I realized I had NO idea what I was doing. I really didn't The gas just sat in the top & it kept spilling when I tried to push it in. I was panicked yet again, having not even checked the time yet.  Finally, I saw a woman walking past and reached out for help.  She stopped to see what I was up to, saying she didn't know how to fill it either but after talking, offered to help find someone.  I ran after her to the nearby grocery store & we asked some gentleman in front of the store for help. Within minutes, she and both men were there with a funnel helping to fill my gas tank.  They even stayed to make sure my car made it out.  I was saved... for me, such a feat, such a stress. Now, I know how to fill up a gas tank on the side of the road, as long as there is a gas can & station available.

1 1/2 hours after leaving my house I was finally home, just minutes after my confused husband and son.  Unfortunately, it wasn't over for me.  For most of the day, I felt weak, tired & was in a bit of pain.  I had headaches, side aches, back pain... you name it. I could barely move without my eyes fluttering. I was concerned.  Even getting out with my hubby to get something done didn't energize me as normal.  In fact, it seemed to make things worse!  I had canceled a few play dates to try and feel better and it took a LONG time to even think about it.  I even convinced David to do the driving to and from Joy's school today since I was experiencing so many issues;. I was thankful for this extra time to build some of my strength back before he headed to work for the night. He sacrificed most of his day to be here for me! :-D

After arriving home, Joy & I made an attempt at our cotton candy cookies again for Women's Bible Study today.  (Still working out those bugs it seems.)  She got herself ready for dance class and they kiddos at a snack.  Daddy was gone before we knew it and we got ready and headed out for Joy's dance class.  I took her into class, then headed out to run an errand with my Micah Boo.  On our drive back, the lab called.  They asked all of the usual questions and then told me my INR was 3.6.  Yes, that's right. 3.6  After 3 weeks of under my goal range (or therapeutic), it was now over! The clinical pharmacist told me not to worry, that is was better high than low, since low promotes clotting and I have a clotting disorder. She gave me my doses for the week and asked me to do my next blood draw next Thursday. 

What a day!   But it didn't end there. As most of you know, I am praying fervently for my dear friend whose pregnancy has taken a turn towards some troubles.  At 22.5 weeks she has no amniotic fluid left.  Last I heard, baby's kidneys were also still small. Her doctor looked into a rare procedure as a possibility to help her but found out it would likely put her in labor which is not good at this stage.  She said her best chances are to get to at least 24 weeks at this point.  So 10 more days? No contractions as of yet but she is getting painful movements as baby grows with no fluid in the sac.  At 24 weeks, there is a chance the baby may be able to make it.  So miracle of miracles, we are praying!  God has a plan & I continue to pray for her.  Please continue to pray with me. 

After all of that, I was busy trying to keep things updated & done.  Hubby came home a few minutes early.  We took some time together before heading to bed.  The kids slept pretty well too. I prepared for today, a day filled with its own "adventure" but much calmer.  Today is David's 1st of 3 back-to-back days between the Round Tables here in town.  He just started his 2nd shift and should be home around 11.  I miss him.  But I am thankful, oh so thankful for where God is leading us.  So keep the prayers coming & the praises lifted high.  God is so very good to us!

That's all for now..
*Melis*

Blessed but not depressed...

730 days of praise... If you've seen my Facebook, then you know I have challenged myself to praise God for something new every single day for 2 years straight.  Why? Because I am blessed! I did it for a year & it wasn't that hard.  This year has been especially challenging for myself & my family but I can't help thanking God for all that He has done in spite of everything that has gone "wrong."  So, for this blog I've decided to list some of the things I am thankful for & see where it ends up.  Some you may have seen already; some you may see down the line.  All are things I am currently thankful for.

1. My hubby ~ Duh!  How blessed am I to be married to this guy? We've been married for a little over 6 years but he's been my friend for over 16 years!! He is NOT who I thought God had for me back then but I am so completely thrilled God gave me this handsome man & allowed me to see past the surface & see what a gem this wonderful man is!!

2. My church friends ~ Some of these ladies are truly some of my BEST friends.  I have known them all for a year, give or take some but they are blessings beyond blessings to me!  They inspire me to be a better me with God by my side.  They are often the ones to build me up when I need the encouragement but also challenge me.  They remind me what a great church this is & that true, wonderful friends really are out there if you are paying attention.

3. My church ~ Cedar Grove Community Church in Livermore is just the right place for my family!  We have been there about 15 months now & as long as God keeps us there we will be more than willing!  We have quite a few couples we consider our friends & well as individual relationships we have each formed. The pastors are on point, clearly speaking what is on each of their hearts. It doesn't just tick off all of the boxes, it fits us.  And for that, we will be forever thankful!

4. My siblings ~ We may not all have the closest relationships but I can tell you I am glad we all are still willing to talk, even "all grown up." Life has taken us different places but I am glad that I had you 3 along the way to make life interesting & help me not be so bored!

5. My Facebook infant loss group ~ I've been a member for only a short time but these girls know how to encourage!  2 miscarriages in such a short time is not an easy thing to stomach, much less move on from.  These girls will listen to anything relating to my loss, my struggles with my PE, my frustrations with something someone said or did... as well as I get to be helpful & prayerful for them as well!

6. My "puppy" ~ Abby puts up with a lot & she deserves more cuddles than she is given.  Thankful I have her & hoping I will find more time to spend with her in the future (& give her baths ;) ~ lol)

7. My Micah Boo ~ Such a smiley boy, this little guy bumps into everything, falls off of things, survives his sister & still has a smile on his face at the end of the day!  He may not like clothes or being clean & he may have no shame... hehehe but he eats everything you put in front of him & he is by far, the best cuddler in the world!

8. My Joy Joy ~ Wow, I have a kindergartener!  She is beautiful, smart, sweet, caring, looking out so often for her brother, keeping him busy when Mommy needs to get something done, loving school, loving baths, learning how to do so many new things like brush her teeth, wash her hair, write her letters- printing & cursive, memorizing verses & poems... And it goes on.  I am so proud to be Joy Joy's mommy.  There is not another one like her in the world!

9. Sleep ~ This one is funny because I don't get much these days. However, when I do, I am usually OUT!  I am thankful to sleep when I can & enjoy cuddling with my Boo when he needs me.  

10. My Jesus ~ Who can forget Him?  He is not last here because He is last in my heart.  He is last to emphasize His importance & place in my heart!  God has been so so good to us over this rough year so far, doing so much to save us & love us & show us how to love others!!!

There is so much more to be thankful for but my body is DONE for the day & both of my kids have been asleep for a little while.  I will try & type up a part two of this one soon.  

That's all for now...
*Melis*

Prayers for my friends...

Life will never be the same.  Yesterday was different than the day before than the day before than the day before... Some days I wake up to pain.  Some I had little a care in the world.  Some are filled with urgent prayers, some with jubilant praises, & in may cases quite a few of each!  This year to this point has been a roller coaster, cliche as it may seem.  I have been up & down so many times, I cannot honestly tell you where I am at many points.  One of my friends & Bible study leaders today asked me how things were & I could not honestly tell what she was referring to.  I do know one thing though.... My God is GREAT!! No matter the tragedy or small feat, large celebration or small side step, MY God is in control of it all!  So today I bring you this briefer than normal blog, with a few more urgent & ongoing prayer requests for you...

My good friend who was told her baby wasn't doing well is being much closer monitored by her own doc it seems.  I am very happy to hear this!  Her doc has asked her to drink 3-4 quarts of water each & every day in attempts to help with the low amniotic fluid. Even though this is not easy for her, she is plodding forward, committing herself to doing the best she can.

Another friend went in for fetal surgery Wednesday for her daughter diagnosed with Spina Bifida.  I have not received any updates as of yet but I encourage you to pray for her and her family as she recovers and they wait to see the long-awaited results of whether this in fact helped her daughter.  

Both of these women have babies due in January.  So please, as you remember pray for them both.  They have what feel like long roads ahead of them I am sure but God knows and God is watching out for both of them, their little ones & their families.  They have committed themselves to praying & to serving our Lord & have really shown their faith in this so far.

To all who have continued to pray for me & for my family, thank you as well.  My INR has been under the past several weeks but again is 1.9, just below the therapeutic range. My dosage of Coumadin was once again increased some and I am doing my best to not let things get to me, as I am still less than 2 months out from the discovery of my PE (that's it?!) & these things take time.  I had a successful follow up with my OB recently as well. More on that later... 

Pray for my friends, yes?  Thanks again!
That's all for now...
*Melis*

You want me to do what, God?

I am sitting here in my room feeding Micah some rainbow goldfish while Joy gets to watch her one episode on Netflix for the night. Tonight's is "Jake and the Never Land Pirates."  All would appear right with the world.  This morning we went to church. Our Sunday School class started a new series on parenting so more friends than normal are in this 10 week session.  Everyone is in good health as we kick off Joy's 2nd week of school. Today is David's very last day at Wendy's and he gets off in the next 2 hours... LIFE is GOOD!!

January 10, 2013 wasn't like this. That was the day we discovered our Squirt had passed, likely around Christmas.  That was the day I was admitted to "deliver," something we hoped would never ever happen again.  Only days later, I promised God this would be our "Year of Faith."  You should have heard the comments.  Even David told me we were asking for it.  Asking for what? Isn't God going to do what God is going to do? As a follower of Jesus, how can I not long to be stretched and molded by Him? I knew times would be bumpy, hard, challenging... you name it. I really had no idea what I was in for.  I did, however know God was in control and would always be in control.  As long as we depended on Him, we were in good hands.  He would not leave us.

And things did get worse, for lack of a better word.  After keeping our news to a small, select group, we found out on July 23, 2013, we had lost Little One.  Both losses had been in the 2nd trimester, something extremely rare I was told.  In both cases, I found out because my OB couldn't find a heartbeat with the doppler so I was sent for an ultrasound.  In both cases, it was confirmed the baby had no heartbeat.  I was miserable this time and was scheduled for a D&C that night.  The next 2 days hubby watched over me as the doctor had ordered.  Micah stayed at a good friend's house.  Joy was already at my parents.  The both arrived home that weekend, only for Sunday to come.  

I already was not looking forward to Sunday.  It was our 6 year wedding anniversary, two days before we had originally planned to find out the gender of Little One.  I was dreading passing through that week, knowing we had scheduled it as a present to ourselves.  God had other plans.  Saturday night I had some discomforts but brushed them off due to utter exhaustion.  Sunday came and something just wasn't right.  Joy was sick anyway so David and Micah headed to drop off snacks with our Sunday School and I stayed home with Joy.  If you don't remember the rest of the story, I will get to the point:  Later that night, I was admitted with a pulmonary embolism.  I spent a total of 4 days in the hospital with the best nurses on earth taking care of me!  I was sent home and had about a week on Lovenox shots and a good 6 months planned on the Coumadin, the anticoagulant that would help my body shrink the blood clot in my lungs.  

The next several weeks I visited the ER twice and called once with troubling symptoms.  Each time, it was dismissed as fairly normal or gone by that time so the concern no longer remained. I even saw my GP who said she would refer me to a pain management clinic of sorts.  So, today I'm feeling pretty decent.  The past couple of weeks I have felt more like myself. Praise the Lord! Joy loves school. We love her school and her teacher.  Micah is more active than I remember Joy ever being.  He is still stubborn about fully walking or talking but does it more and more.  He's a happy little boy who sleeps much better these days.  (It probably helps that he was finally weaned back towards the end of July.)

So today may seem like an ordinary day to most.  Yes, I am in less pain overall but I am fully aware my journey is far from over this year.  I do not see my hematologist again until the week before Thanksgiving.  If the clot is gone, we will be able to start towards getting some real answers through tests shortly after we hope.  We are excited as David is finishing his last shift at Wendy's and we can start the transition of David training more and more at Round Table to advance up progressively over the next year or two.  We feel so blessed that being faithful thus far has brought us here and we have so much hope in our future... of going back to school ourselves, putting Micah in preschool down the line, a bigger place a few years out, you name it.. God is taking great care of us and I believe rewarding us for our faithfulness.  

At the beginning of the year, my good friend told me they had just finished their "Year of Trust." She told me it was hard but well worth it.  I will admit that gave me the teensiest bit of hope to God showing us what miracles He could do but I in no way expected ANY of this.  This year has already been EXTREMELY HARD! However, I can already see God's handprints all of it.  I am looking forward to the rest of it.  I have no clue what is to come but I know now more than ever we made the right decision. This is our "Year of Faith" and I will say it loud & proud!

That's all for now...
*Melis*

Zzzz...

It's only Thursday?
  Today was Joy's first "homeschool" day.  As apart of the school schedule, Joy spends 3 days at the school and 2 at home doing "extended homework."  Today also was the start of the new season of Women's Bible Study at church.  Today is also when we had money to buy much needed groceries.  What did this mean?  I started off the day with some help from David getting the kids ready before heading to grab coffee.  We went straight out to church where they played and I got to enjoy the lovely ladies and Bible Study.  We then headed to get a little gas, followed by two stores for groceries.  We headed by David's work to grab me a quick lunch while Micah slept briefly in the car.  We then went home where I brought in and put away groceries, fended off the overtired little boy and started working with Joy on her homework.  When I hit a point with questions, we headed back out to several more stores for grocery shopping and to pick up some more pencils for my cute girl.  We then headed home where I microwaved Kid Cuisines out of desperation and brought in and put away many, many more groceries.  I then sat down with Joy to finish her homework.  She then "decorated" her bed and got ready for bed and the kids played for a little bit. Since then, Micah went down.  Micah woke up.  Joy went down.  Micah went back down. And me?  I am ready for bed but still have a few things to do.

Was I crazy to think Joy starting school would make things easier?  Maybe its the fact that its the first week or that I am driving 30-60 minutes each day right now for school and church days at least both ways once, if not more.  Maybe its the fact that the routine isn't set or maybe its just that much more work than I realized.  Whatever it is, its exhausting.  My pain went up some, not enough to make me cry but enough to be noticeable and take closer together today.

But really... I am excited.  I have an excuse to make extra play dates, meaning I see some of my friends more, saving gas in making less trips back and forth.  Also, keeping busy tends to keep my spirits up. I am very social, not that its a surprise ;-) I could use a nap though, I mean a bedtime, hehe.  Looks like I am starting to fade.  Thank you all for the continued prayer. Took my adjusted dose of Coumadin tonight.  Next Wednesday we will see if that has made a difference.  I bought a lot of juice today.  I forgot how much I loved it.  My clinical pharmacist said its okay for me to drink the V8 VFusion I like so much as long as its consistent so that made me happen.

Well, I'm drifting so I am gonna head off.
That's all for now...
*Melis*

P.S. Please continue to keep the neighbor situation in your prayers. I sense something brewing and it is never pretty with them, despite anything we do or do not say.  Also, with everything going on, I believe I am more susceptible to an emotional outburst, as I don't have a lot of processing time to the still recent miscarriage. Thank you!

Wow...

Wow... I knew Joy starting school would be a relief but I had NO idea how much it would affect or routines and how much transitioning would be happening simultaneously. (Must be why I keep injuring myself ~ I know, I know.)

Joy LOVES school. She is tired but she loves school. This excites me to no end. I am so happy for her.  Yesterday was her first day. When I announced she was going back the next day (today) she was jubilant, super thrilled!  Last night was also parent night at Joy's school so Joy got a play date but then went to bed later because of me having to go.

Two nights ago, I was tired and a bit flustered due to several misplaced important items. While attempting to make Joy's lunch for her first day, I somehow managed to knock over a "cookie jar." Of course it didn't just break, it shattered... all over the entrance area to the kitchen. I prayed as I quickly tried to exit the kitchen (barefoot of course), only to get a small piece of glass in my big toe. I approached my bed cautiously, able to get the glass out. Fortunately, David arrived home shortly after and helped me to find the remaining items, as well as clean up the glass.

Unfortunately, he missed some and I found another piece in my foot late last night and another piece yet again in my other big toe, as I left to take Joy to dance this evening. In all cases, it was removed but I was nervous as I have to watch myself carefully. Bleeding can be a huge issue for me if something goes haywire. I wish I could say that was the end of it.  

After sometime of not hearing anything from them, I was confronted by the neighbor below us.  Everything she did and said was harsh and I felt attacked. I felt like she was trying to make me as uncomfortable as possible. She brought her friend with her to yell at me too and demanded to see my husband when he returned home.  (He will not be going by at 3am or any other time as I have already requested we try to squash things and move on and she has ignored that request.)  David will be following up with our manager no later than tomorrow since her anger was regarding something he was involved in as well.  I felt extremely uncomfortable.  I will admit after that confrontation and from what I have heard of the manager's concerns, I am more concerned than ever.  I feel more unsafe and troubled than before.  This may all now explain why I always feel such a dark cloud is present when they are around.

Today, I went for a blood draw to check on things. I am back to 1.9 which is just outside of the therapeutic range.  I was asked to increase my Coumadin one day a week to see if that makes the difference.  Next Wednesday, I have my next blood draw to see if that does the trick.  Overall, I have been feeling more like myself and I have been able to manage my pain for the most part. I still need pain meds, verified by my hematologist but I haven;t had any out of control days recently. It has definitely been nice.

Joy loves dance too.  She let me know once again how she listened to her dance teacher and had a great time.  She looked tired to me but was still very positive and obedient.  I am impressed that she can do so well after the craziness of the week to this point! She is such a blessing from God and I adore my Joy Joy.  I am glad, however that she only attends school 3 days a week.  (The other two days are "homeschool" where she does a certain amount of homework I supervise and help as needed with.)

Micah is sleeping well.  He still wakes up a few times a night at most but it is still significantly better than before he was weaned.  He generally goes back to sleep pretty fast as well.  We are in the process of tweaking his routine though since he gets up so early with me to get Joy ready.  His nap is earlier and I am trying to squeeze a small one in a little later.  He is a very happy little boy getting so much attention and then getting to laugh and play with his sister after school.

Tomorrow, Women's Bible Study returns at church. I am excited. My kids will get to play while I get to study the Word with other ladies from our church.  Afterwards, we have a lot of grocery shopping to take care of.  Joy and I will also attempt our first "homeschool" day.  She still seems excited about even those days.  She really does light up my life, my sweet girl...

Still a bit overwhelmed from the verbal confrontation from my neighbors but I am doing my best to pray through it and stay calm. I am in need of pain relief shortly and need to make sure the alarm and grocery list are ready for tomorrow, among other things.  Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Situations with these neighbors have never been pretty (and never asked for).  We long to just have peace with them but they have made it pretty clear they dislike us and do not like anything we have done to try and keep from being loud.  (We live upstairs and they live downstairs.  Trust me, we have tried plenty of things to minimize noise and they always came back upset anyway.)  We are trying our best to live quietly and not interact with them, trying to avoid any trouble. We really just need the prayer.

Thank you all as usual for your support and prayers. This year has yet to stop surprising me.  I am thrilled with how God has blessed me and my family. He really has provided and taken care of.  Generally speaking, I really don't feel the need for much else. God keeps stepping in and I know He will continue to.

God Bless!
That's all for now..
*Melis*