Write, Write, Write

A little while back, I got some interesting advice,  My Dad had heard I'd been blogging through all the hard times.  He encouraged me, telling me some of the best advice he'd ever gotten was to write & write & write, to write something everyday, whether short, long, serious, funny, whatever.  Well I haven't done too well at that, even though thoughts swirl through my head ALL day long, as I am sure most women can attest to.  So this post is just to write, to share a little, to tell you what's been on my mind. No need to patronize me but if you're interested, go ahead and read because I think my Daddy's advice was good & I want to keep writing...

Anyone else going to miss the Olympics because they don't have cable or satellite? When I finally gave in to ditching cable to save money, it didn't occur to me I would miss them. Seriously, swirling thoughts constantly going through my head & it somehow didn't occur to me until a week ago. It is not that I don't love saving the money (because we really need to) but I love the Olympics, winter & summer versions alike. I have always associated them with positive things.  Joy was born only a couple months before the Summer of 2008 ones. Micah was born about 6 months before the Summer 2012 ones.  And Squirt was due 7-8 months ago, Little One was due less than a month ago, so naturally I see a lot of happy things, as I sit nursing or thought I would be, as in the most recent cases.

Another thing that has been traveling though my mind is the fact that I am not the same person I was a year ago, or even 7 months ago... I mean, I know we can all say that to a point... but here's where I am going.  When I first found out about the baby loss community online, I remember reading how you are never the same when you lose a child.  I am sure most who have been down this round understand what I mean. We lost 2, both in the 2nd trimester. Again, I was hurt & I knew we could never go back and change the past, that emotionally, David & I were different people, apart & together & that we would need to learn how to BE us, having lost 2 precious babies.  But I am going beyond that.  When we discovered the night of our anniversary in the Emergency Room that I had a pulmonary embolism, all we were concerned with was getting me through that period of time, getting me out of the hospital for good, traversing the 6 months, hopefully going off the Coumadin & moving on, trying to find out how to continue to be a couple, a family & prayerfully grow it.  Only a week or two ago, I was reminded of my humanity once again.  I just had my 6 months scans. I have my results delivered Friday, my Daddy's birthday, in a hematology appt.  If the results are great, there are more steps, as in getting off of this medicine, on to a lesser one, and getting the full workup done to hopefully, confirm, deny or find out more about what happened, how I lost those babies and what can be done for me & for our (hopefully) growing family down the line... But as I have realized, closing this particular chapter doesn't mean going back to before the pulmonary embolism.  I will always need to be aware that I could develop a blood clot, or my kids could. When they hit, one often has a short amount amount of time to respond before it can cause serious harm (understatement alert).  Also, I started working out a few weeks ago.  When I used to workout, I would get huge bursts of energy, often getting me through almost the entire day.  Now, one workout gives me at most a few hours of energy.  Yes, I feel better. Yes, I tend to have more color in my face, a little more motivation in my day etc. But I am not the same energetic, bouncy person, at least not to the obvious point.  Last year was hard emotionally & physically.  And while I don't blame God for any of it, (I am not even angry) I am aware I am a different person to a degree.  There isn't anything wrong with that in and of itself.  David & I have become much closer & stronger together (although I know we still have our things to work on). These last 6 months have given me a lot to think about.  And, there is always the chance my scans will not come back clean enough to proceed forward.  Only God knows what happened during these 6 months. I haven't had a scan since a week after admittance in the ER.

I'm looking forward to sharing with you all more this year as there will be more challenges, transitions & the like this year. As most of you know by now, our word for the year is Contentment. Personally, I have decided to challenge myself by adding a word for myself each month to focus on.  Last month, I called "Kickstart Contentment." I needed to remind myself not to get complacent.  This is a new year & I need to not be lazy.  So, I  refreshed my zeal by committing to an online vendor faire & established my presence on FB with Pampered Chef (see link at bottom if you are interested).  I also convinced David to purchase P90X3, only 30 minutes a day but still a good focus on eating right.  I almost quite day 3 but I am still going strong 2.5 weeks in because of my best friend being the greatest support ever, my friend at church coaching me on & other good friends encouragement in the way I look & act.  So this year is going to be different. This month of February for me is going to be about Contented Focus. I need to stop letting my crazy brain keep me from starting & finishing things. I need to let other things go & not just be at church & Bible Study but BE there present & soaking it all in.

I know my wording is a little funny tonight. I ran out of pronouns & other choices for words.  To be honest, I just need to get my oldest in bed before it gets too late & she needs her sheets on her bed (which I didn't realize).  So, let me know how you like this idea. Some days I will have 5 words, other 5 pages (haha) but I am going to at least try to write 3-4 days a week again, Share with me any thoughts you have.   I have some more topics to explore but I need to have a few discussions & do some research.  I will keep you posted as long as you keep me updated, okay?

As always,
<3Melissa

And if you are at all interested in placing an order with Pampered Chef OR just supporting me by liking my new FB page, head on over to Pampered Chef: Melissa N. Voeltz. It's about time I start trying to make this business work so I can help my family out more! As I say frequently over there & to others regarding it ~ I bake. I cook. I love life. I’ll plan your show or help you host your own! This is the life...