We made it!

Hi All!
  
Thank you all for the prayers our way. We made it through the weekend alive ;-) Feeling encouraged as I have a workout plan I hope to be starting Friday (already put off twice for different issues that came up).  I would ask you continue to pray for us.  My health is still a concern. Even though we are SO close to the scans, things keep coming up that give us reason to pray even more. Also, it seems we may be heading into a time of transition. A lot is going on in our minds & hearts and we really have no idea where God is leading. Please pray for guidance & calm.  David & I are more united than ever before but we are only human & really don't know where God is leading or if He wants us to just stay right where we are.  We are still learning about contentment & are trying to narrow in what it means for us as a family, notably in different arenas of our lives.

Just a quick one today.
Thanks again for all of the support.
More comprehensive blog coming in the next week I hope.

Your Friend,
Melis

Bittersweetness...

I don't envy the person that goes through this... the couple that goes through this... the family that goes through this... I wouldn't wish it for anyone.

1 year ago, today we found out our little Squirt had passed. What we didn't know is that "delivering" baby Squirt would be just the beginning.  Just shy of 17 weeks, we found out that day... one year ago that our baby had stopped growing between 13-14 weeks and no longer had a heartbeat... likely around Christmas.

What few people know is that my doctor's wife, the midwife at the practice showed up just in time to deliver Squirt & asked me if I wanted to see who this treasure was that we had lost.  I declined. There are days I wish I had chosen differently but with my hubby & kiddos in the next room,  I wanted to start to move on.

There's nothing like losing a baby to bring up every fear in the world.  It was that loss that led us to declare it our "Year of Faith," a year that will likely to ever live in our minds.

Please keep us in your prayers. Sunday is another hard day ahead of us.

We miss you, Squirt on your 1st angelversary.  Keep Little One close, okay?

What a day...
*Melis*

Bring it on?

What a year!  I have to admit I am kind of relieved to be saying goodbye to 2013. This has easily been our hardest year to date.  We started out our year officially losing baby Squirt on January 10th which prompted me declaring it "Our Year of Faith." A few months followed & one month into my P90X journey, we discovered I was pregnant again.  I evolved to not miss a beat. I joined a "Rainbow" group on FB, took pics every week from 5 weeks on, faithfully made every appt, even hosting a thank you for close friends, as well as planning my gender reveal party. At 15w2d there we were again. No htbt. Baby was gone. That was July 23rd. July 28th,  our 6th wedding anniversary I was admitted with what was referred to as a very large pulmonary embolism. I was released on blood thinners August 1st.

I was determined to try and fight through it all, not letting it get me down, blogging frequently & trying to focus on my family.  That was follows up with 5 back-t-back 2 week or so periods & 3-4 yeast infection s. Once my INR stabilized,  I could finally start to see the light at the end of this p see et of our journey.

And then December hit. 3 ER visits diagnosing some unknown issue with my wrist (bruise without contact of anything and initially very painful), a sinus infection & a UTI, only to be hit with a sore throat and more cold symptoms only a few days ago. I am exhausted but I think, finally on the mend.

2013 has been all about faith & God has definitely stretched us, Himself proving faithful to us through it all. 2014 holds some tough dates out the gate with January 10th being Squirt's 1st angelversary & January 12th bring Little One's former due date. But this year, we look forward to exploring & growing in anlther way. We don't know why this year was so hard, nor why some things stayed stagnant & others only got worse. 

As I lay here cuddling my little boy, I want to share our goal for 2014. ~ Contentment. We don't know what this next year holds but I am glad it is just around the corner. I hope you will consider a challenge yourself. My hubby and I are closer than ever to each other, our kiddos & to our Lord Jesus. Hard as it was,  I can hope God fulfilled some of His Will through our struggles. I trust God has big things in store going forward.  Having said all that...

2014... Bring It On!!!

*Melis*

Voeltz Family Update

A month & a half ago I posted & not again... 

~It sure feels like a lot longer than that.  To be honest, I just didn't know what to say.  As hard as this year has been, these past couple of months have been the most emotional for me.  I feel like the ups & downs are apart of my life now.  I am used to tears, mood swings & settling in for my evenings of irritability.  Micah lately has begun sleeping even worse. He's more stubborn & I'm more sensitive but together we cuddle so well.  I've been told over & over to let myself grieve, let myself have bad days, to be okay with a little bit done at a time but it doesn't stop the guilt some days.  I want to do more, be a better mom, wife, friend... I've found myself spending more time at home, less time online, finding things like baking & craft projects to focus on.  I try to regularly post thankfulness on Facebook & stay aware of who I am now & not try to be anyone else.  David's schedule has regulated recently for the time being & he recently got a small raise that doesn't get us out of the woods but it helps some nonetheless.  I often go to bed early & the other nights I stay awake waiting for my David to come home for that hug & chat before sleeping.  My pain levels have dropped quite a bit & my "womanly" issues since the summer have finally started to improve.  After a lot of time staying home, I  have recently started to organize a play date here & there, a walk or a meet up with a friend as time & sensitivity allows.  Life isn't easy & I guess I just wasn't ready to tell you all that, that months later, I am struggling emotionally more than ever.  As we head towards the New Year, David & I dread our Squirt's first angelversary & our Little One's original due date, just 2 days apart towards the middle of January.  I've spent a lot of time focusing on the holidays, projects & anything that will help me through the day to be a better mom to my kids.  David has been amazing.  Its amazing how far our marriage has come in the 6+ years.  Just the other day, he said all of the right things & knew when to hold me & how to get us through our morning & out the door in time.  My parents have been marvelous too as I have spent many a Sunday this fall at their place dealing with the stresses, emotions, & side effects of medications. I'm looking forward to returning to Home Front with David after the New Year & also glad Bible Study will return as well.  Just today, a friend & I set up a standing play date.  Looking forward to having that time with her while our kiddos play.  We said goodbye to one of our vehicles recently.  David was hit at a stoplight & the insurance company deemed it a total loss.  We've got some decisions to make.  So ups, downs... they're normal~

How can you pray for us?  Pray we can set me up with regular counseling to help healing & processing for me.  Pray for continued stability in David's schedule & that it won't be too long before the promotion & next raise.  Pray for David's & my emotional health. This year of Faith has tested us through & through & there are days we feel like we are constantly running for cover. Please pray for our kiddos as well.  It can't be easy walking on egg shells around Mommy & Daddy.  Please pray as we approach 6 months of pulmonary embolism medicine at the end of January.  If all is clear then, I will be pulled off of the medicine, put on aspirin for a little bit & able to have a full workup done, hopefully for more answers for us. 

Some praises?  Joy absolutely loves school.  We are very thankful for TVCCA & Mrs. Beasley. Thank God David wasn't hurt in the accident,  Considering his ongoing back problems, we are glad nothing got worse.  We are thankful my pain levels have dropped. We are blessed with amazing friends that have showered us with love & prayers during this very difficult year.

We appreciate all of the support.  Hopefully I will be blogging again more these days.
As always,
Melissa

For my dear friend...

I know you're going through a hard time.
I'm sure it seems everyone has something to say.
You probably wonder often what you should do.
You're waiting for God to show you the way.

You're feeling down and so confused.
Answers seem to be so very far away.
You're holding on to this precious life.
Not knowing if he will go or stay.

Don't forget to hold on to God's promises.
He's with you each and every day.
He smiles on you because He's chosen you.
He loves you more than words can say.

So don't you worry about tomorrow.
Keep your head up and you pray.
You know God will never leave you.
Just take it one step, start today.

Just a quick one to encourage you...
That's all for now...
*Melis*

Say What?

As if enough wasn't already going on in my life, it seems I had quite a few calls to made, all revolving around my health, and all of them... today. But of course, that wouldn't be enough, would it?

My morning started off just fine.  My hubby took Joy to school for me, bringing Micah along for the ride.  He then entertained & fed Micah and put him down for nap.  I awoke finally, much later than expected but mostly rested.  It was then that I noticed my body was still trying to figure out what time of month it was... lovely, how long can one of these last?  I also noticed the pain, but seeing as I needed to shower, I did that first and then took the pain meds, which of course, being that it had been much longer since the last dose (even though I was sleeping), it took awhile for my body to "take." I called back the clinical pharmacists to find out my INR was... 2.2!  Fantastic as it is that its finally therapeutic, she suggested I call my OB for the bleeding issue.  I called and left a message.  (Still no call back) I called my hematologist's office as well around this time and the girl there said that she was allowed to call in my prescription for pain meds. This was great to hear that I would get it tomorrow, as I would be out by midday tomorrow.

I got ready and took off with Micah, while David was leaving for work so there wouldn't be any fall out there.  We went the "pretty way" to pick up Joy from school.  Micah clearly needed some more sleep, as he fell asleep 5-10 minutes into the drive. After picking up Joy, we headed back home the pretty way again. I got a call while I was driving from my hematologist's office. She told me that the prescription was called in but I wouldn't be allowed to have it for another 5 days since I just picked up some from another pharmacy... I did what? Clearly, my pharmacy needed a call.

When I got home, I unloaded the kids and got on the phone with my pharmacy. They said someone had called in one to be picked up at Rite Aid under my name.  Not a chance, not a stinkin' chance that happened by me or my doctor's office (which I confirmed).  She said she would call over to Rite Aide (Rite Aide? I don't use Rite Aide for anything, much less prescriptions) & call me back. About 10 minutes later, she did.  No explanation but that my prescription would be ready in 15-20 minutes... for real? Nice. I called to thank the girl at my hematologist's office for alerting me.  Glad we got it sorted out... praying it doesn't happen again.  So, off to dance we go shortly and Micah & I will go grab my pain meds.  Thankful for those who know what to do in this situation and that I wasn't held to someone else's error.

That's all for now...
*Melis*

Surprise! Time for another... *ouch* ~ blood draw!

This road is likely the bumpiest I have ever traveled. Its a bit ironic.  As I have been spending a bit of time getting to know a lot of the alternate ways to and from Livermore (church & Joy's school), my life seems to be looking much to same.  There are plenty of hills, curves, straight-a-ways... you get my drift! Last week, I lamented over my Wednesday, a not-so-good health day for me.  At the time, I wondered if it was somehow related to my actual blood draw that morning.  It wasn't.  How do I know? Today, I had another day like that.  I was feeling sick, tired, lethargic, worn, dizzy, lightheaded... & to top it all off? I had some suspicious bleeding!  Not ideal for someone on Coumadin for a pulmonary embolism!  Since my INR was high the day I felt this way last week, I suspect its related.  I am concerned as well.  I asked my hubby to call the Coumadin Clinic for me at Sutter Tracy and he did. They asked me to go in for a blood draw today when I got back home to Tracy.  I made it 20 minutes before closing at 3:40pm with my kids in tow.  Fortunately, there was no line... and get this, the ladies who work there were thinking they should have seen me that morning and were wondering where I was... great! (I actually have been going in Wednesdays.)  I was in & out and on my way to the store before heading home just in time for a nice early dinner.  I am feeling a smidgen better, as I did later on last Wednesday.  I will get my INR results tomorrow.  I am guessing that means I won't have it checked again Thursday but we will see.  Please keep me in your prayers.  The good news is that since David doesn't go in until 4:30 tomorrow, after I drop off Joy at school, I will get to spend the day at my friend's relaxing & trying to get some things done... It's about time ;) Thank you for all oft he prayers... 1.5 hrs until bedtime...

That's all for now...
*Melis*