When I started blogging, my intention was always to be honest, to be open, transparent. I don't lie. However, some posts come a little slower as I process what I am going through, what has happened, how in detail I want to go... you get it, yes?
Honest to goodness truth? Life has been HARD! Emotionally, I haven't gone a day without some crying for about 4 days straight now. At first, this concerned me. I really don't want to feel broken emotionally. Physically, I have already been on a roller coaster with everything I have been dealing with in recovering from the clot in my lungs. I am an extrovert so generally talking helps me feel better. No joke... most people I can only talk to for a limited time with. Most people I don't want to cry in front of; I don't want to break. I don't want to be seen that deeply... yet. Fortunately this morning I was able to spend some time with a close friend. She encouraged me to let the feelings, the unsettledness, the tears... all of it -- let it flow!
Here I am still struggling to commit to taking enough pain medication and I need to let me feelings out too? I want to resist so badly but then when I let it happen, when I let myself start to process things, I have moments of hope, just as with being in less pain -- I have moments of calm, of energy. So, when you ask me how I am feeling now? I will tell you. I am managing. Each day I get out of bed, get dressed, usually leave the house at least once, make sure my children don't starve, put them to bed. You get it, yes?
I love my Lord, my family, my friends but some days are just that HARD. Unfortunately, I have hit a whole slough of them! Today, I have decided to let it flow, to take my pain meds when I need them, not 2 hours later. I am choosing to do MY best to take care of myself (and boy is that harder than I ever imagined) and "heal" so I can be better for my family and others around me.
So no, I am not doing great. I am doing okay though. I am alive. I get out of bed and smile at least once a day. I adore my husband more than I ever have before. I treasure the miracles my children are and spend more time with Joy on PURPOSE than I can ever remember. I KNOW God is in control. He has taken care of us for so long, I know He won't stop now. He just won't. I know that and am confident in that.
So pray for me. Pray that I can find 2 reasons to smile each day, that I won't EVER forget how phenomenal it is that God physically SAVED my life, that I will start to feel better again soon enough, that God will heal my heart, that I will be able to use this piece of life as a blessing, a testimony at some point, that I will find some peace in knowing that the Factor V Leiden has given us hope for having children down the line, that I won't EVER forget how deep and wide our God's LOVE is...
Thank you all. This is me right now. I know God is working in me and I know things WILL get better. Sometimes its harder to remember than other times but I do know and BELIEVE it.
God Bless,
*Melis*
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Factor V - The Latest Diagnosis
Many of you may remember me mentioning not too long ago that I had come into some information recently that has helped. In fact this information was briefly given to me in the hospital but I didn't realize its significance at the time or really what it is at all!
While still admitted, my hematologist came in for his normal daily visit. He let me know at the time that I tested positive for Factor V (5). I looked at him puzzled. My understanding at this point is that he said it essentially confirmed what we already knew. I had a DVT (blood clot in my leg, deep vein thrombosis) and it traveled to my lung, creating a PE (blood clot in lung, pulmonary embolism). Now, one of the things I have recently prided myself in is that I ask questions whenever I have them or am confused. However, also please keep in mind that while in the hospital, I was usually on some kind(s) of pain medication, as well as on the IV blood thinner, heparin, while taking Coumadin (my oral blood thinner) among other things as needed. I was constantly having my vitals checked and was being monitored as everything leveled out. In other words, FOG. I was out of it... pretty much the whole time. Hence, why I stared at him and nodded as he left.
Shortly after being released, an old mentor and friend (also a nurse) asked about something called Factor V Leiden. I brushed it off as my hematologist had also noted he was running another test (not sure which one) that should give us information on the origins of my forming clot the day I was released. I wasn't ready to talk openly about future conceiving and whether or not any of this had to do with my miscarriages this year. However, after about a week or so, it started eating away at me. So, I looked it up only to find out there is Factor V and Factor V Leiden, the gene mutation. I read up on it before remembering that my hospital keeps some records online. After finally recovering my sign-in information, I logged on and started looking around. And there it was...
Factor V Leiden... Diagnosis. Now, don't get me wrong. I am no doctor, nurse, EMT etc... but from what I can tell, this is a very important part of my diagnosis. David and I still want kids. We have two beautiful children with whom I never worried during pregnancy about because everything went so well. my ONLY miscarriages have been this year, both recent, both early in the 2nd trimester, a.k.a. LATE miscarriages. RARE! I was a little peeved I wasn't given info (that I know of). Here's a little (as I understand it).
~ Factor V is a protein that helps form blood clots. When the clot is appropriate, Protein C comes along and tells it to stop.
~ Some of us have a gene mutation, called Factor V Leiden that is resistant to Protein C. What this means is it takes longer to stop the clotting, sometimes creating a larger clot that can be life-threatening. However, in those of us who have the heterozygous version (inheriting from only one parent), most never get one. (I did!)
~ Those with recurrent miscarriages/losses in pregnancy are often suggested to get tested for clotting disorders and there is an increase in clotting in pregnancy. (In my case, the PE developed, prompting the tests, incl. this one.)
~ Those with the Facotr V Leiden gene mutation that have PEs or DVTs are generally considered high risk in future pregnancies and can help prevent future miscarriages with Lovenox. (Remember those injections I had for the first week?) Lovenox does not cross the placenta so it is safe (instead of Coumadin/Warfarin) in pregnancy.
So, what does this mean for me?
While there is not a guarantee based just on this diagnosis, it is highly likely and suspected that Factor V Leiden played a role in my miscarriages, not only role but likely caused them. There may be more info to all of this as my hematologist is running further tests during and after me being on the Coumadin. Keep in mind how rare back-to-back 2nd trimester miscarriages are (or so I am told by nurses and my doctors). Also, keep in mind that the risk of developing a DVT in pregnancy increases 7-fold with Factor V Leiden.
A little more info...
About 1 in 1,000 people with develop a DVT or PE in a year. However, the odds for someone in their twenties are 1 in 10,000. (I am 28.) WHAT?!
The good news...
Prayerfully, we want to try again down the line for more children. Now that we have at least one piece of the puzzle figured out, my OB confidently says using at least the Lovenox will make this dream much more likely. We have no fertility issues as far as getting pregnant.
The miraculous news...
As far as David & I are concerned, Joy and Micah are BOTH miracles!! The genetic mutation doesn't always kick in and cause issues. It did but not until recently. Joy & Micah were already blessings but now we realize how fortunate we are to have them both here. I had practically flawless pregnancies and deliveries with them before we ever found out about any of this.
Future pregnancies (prayerfully) will be approached much more cautiously and differently and we feel blessed to have any info at all. I would not be surprised if we find out more from other tests as well. Or, it might be that the rest of the year is fairly uneventful. I have met many women who have no real answers to why they miscarried or were as fortunate as I was to get a PE diagnosed so soon! God has literally saved me!
~ Side note: Forgive any weird breaks or confusion in this one. I am still learning about it and how to explain it. I have also had a pretty rough day physically and am in the process of getting the kiddos ready for and into bed here shortly and it is not going well. Planning on taking pain medication soon as well. ~
I hope this helps some for those of you following our story. We are not trying to conceive for at least 6 months during my initial recovery of the P.E. From there it will depend and we hope to just follow God's Will as best as we can. I am thrilled for what may be but am truly so focused on my 2 beautiful blessings of children, as well as the life God wants me to have. I can only imagine what the future holds.
Have a beautiful evening,
That's all for now...
*Melis*
While still admitted, my hematologist came in for his normal daily visit. He let me know at the time that I tested positive for Factor V (5). I looked at him puzzled. My understanding at this point is that he said it essentially confirmed what we already knew. I had a DVT (blood clot in my leg, deep vein thrombosis) and it traveled to my lung, creating a PE (blood clot in lung, pulmonary embolism). Now, one of the things I have recently prided myself in is that I ask questions whenever I have them or am confused. However, also please keep in mind that while in the hospital, I was usually on some kind(s) of pain medication, as well as on the IV blood thinner, heparin, while taking Coumadin (my oral blood thinner) among other things as needed. I was constantly having my vitals checked and was being monitored as everything leveled out. In other words, FOG. I was out of it... pretty much the whole time. Hence, why I stared at him and nodded as he left.
Shortly after being released, an old mentor and friend (also a nurse) asked about something called Factor V Leiden. I brushed it off as my hematologist had also noted he was running another test (not sure which one) that should give us information on the origins of my forming clot the day I was released. I wasn't ready to talk openly about future conceiving and whether or not any of this had to do with my miscarriages this year. However, after about a week or so, it started eating away at me. So, I looked it up only to find out there is Factor V and Factor V Leiden, the gene mutation. I read up on it before remembering that my hospital keeps some records online. After finally recovering my sign-in information, I logged on and started looking around. And there it was...
Factor V Leiden... Diagnosis. Now, don't get me wrong. I am no doctor, nurse, EMT etc... but from what I can tell, this is a very important part of my diagnosis. David and I still want kids. We have two beautiful children with whom I never worried during pregnancy about because everything went so well. my ONLY miscarriages have been this year, both recent, both early in the 2nd trimester, a.k.a. LATE miscarriages. RARE! I was a little peeved I wasn't given info (that I know of). Here's a little (as I understand it).
~ Factor V is a protein that helps form blood clots. When the clot is appropriate, Protein C comes along and tells it to stop.
~ Some of us have a gene mutation, called Factor V Leiden that is resistant to Protein C. What this means is it takes longer to stop the clotting, sometimes creating a larger clot that can be life-threatening. However, in those of us who have the heterozygous version (inheriting from only one parent), most never get one. (I did!)
~ Those with recurrent miscarriages/losses in pregnancy are often suggested to get tested for clotting disorders and there is an increase in clotting in pregnancy. (In my case, the PE developed, prompting the tests, incl. this one.)
~ Those with the Facotr V Leiden gene mutation that have PEs or DVTs are generally considered high risk in future pregnancies and can help prevent future miscarriages with Lovenox. (Remember those injections I had for the first week?) Lovenox does not cross the placenta so it is safe (instead of Coumadin/Warfarin) in pregnancy.
So, what does this mean for me?
While there is not a guarantee based just on this diagnosis, it is highly likely and suspected that Factor V Leiden played a role in my miscarriages, not only role but likely caused them. There may be more info to all of this as my hematologist is running further tests during and after me being on the Coumadin. Keep in mind how rare back-to-back 2nd trimester miscarriages are (or so I am told by nurses and my doctors). Also, keep in mind that the risk of developing a DVT in pregnancy increases 7-fold with Factor V Leiden.
A little more info...
About 1 in 1,000 people with develop a DVT or PE in a year. However, the odds for someone in their twenties are 1 in 10,000. (I am 28.) WHAT?!
The good news...
Prayerfully, we want to try again down the line for more children. Now that we have at least one piece of the puzzle figured out, my OB confidently says using at least the Lovenox will make this dream much more likely. We have no fertility issues as far as getting pregnant.
The miraculous news...
As far as David & I are concerned, Joy and Micah are BOTH miracles!! The genetic mutation doesn't always kick in and cause issues. It did but not until recently. Joy & Micah were already blessings but now we realize how fortunate we are to have them both here. I had practically flawless pregnancies and deliveries with them before we ever found out about any of this.
Future pregnancies (prayerfully) will be approached much more cautiously and differently and we feel blessed to have any info at all. I would not be surprised if we find out more from other tests as well. Or, it might be that the rest of the year is fairly uneventful. I have met many women who have no real answers to why they miscarried or were as fortunate as I was to get a PE diagnosed so soon! God has literally saved me!
~ Side note: Forgive any weird breaks or confusion in this one. I am still learning about it and how to explain it. I have also had a pretty rough day physically and am in the process of getting the kiddos ready for and into bed here shortly and it is not going well. Planning on taking pain medication soon as well. ~
I hope this helps some for those of you following our story. We are not trying to conceive for at least 6 months during my initial recovery of the P.E. From there it will depend and we hope to just follow God's Will as best as we can. I am thrilled for what may be but am truly so focused on my 2 beautiful blessings of children, as well as the life God wants me to have. I can only imagine what the future holds.
Have a beautiful evening,
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Right Here, Right Now...
Some days I just don't want to talk about it. I don't want to face it. I want to crawl back into bed and fall asleep and hope when I wake up, I will be back to the "me" I knew prior to this nightmare, or what feels like it some days.
Today is rough physically. I wish I had a better name but I just call them "ill" days. I wake up, try to get on my way, get things done etc but let's be honest, I know from the get-go physically I will likely struggle some... whether it be to get motivated, move without pain etc. You get what I mean? We all have days like those anyway. I still have trouble accepting it sometimes. Today, I woke up with pain in my back and took pain medication. While I can say most days I don't need them as often, I still need them. And today, I don't want that to be the case. It helped after resting a little longer and settling in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrQHNQ0hwQE
So, I decided to run a quick errand with Joy, knowing likely one was all I could do. I settled on the place with the coffee, even though it meant a few of the forgotten groceries would cost more. At least all of them were there. My shoulder hurt when I wore my purse. My body felt fatigued. I just wanted to go home. Fortunately for me, I had my spunky, energetic & positively sweet girl, Joy with me. It makes all of the difference on a day like today.
Did I mention how amazing my Joy Joy is? I mean she is my daughter. Lately though, she is the mature, big girl who loves on me constantly, plays well with her brother and is just the biggest helper. I can't even begin to tell you what wonderful timing this is. Seriously! I can tell this IS her, not just a short-lived stage. I adore her so much already but I love how God is bringing the wonderful parts of her growing right, smack in front of my face :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj05-J9z4TY
When I arrived home today, I informed David of how I was feeling and he gave me a hug and agreed I could crawl into bed and veg/work on so, me things. At this point the pain was still somewhat of an issue but I knew that if I could prop myself up in bed, I could still sit down and do some things. I was right and glad David didn't mind. As David worked on lunch, the kiddos happily played. I took a break and called my Mommy. David popped in hoping to get help with a diaper. Realizing I was on the phone, he managed to take care of the diaper and lunch and continue to keep sanity in the house.
How amazing is my husband? He never once tried to guilt trip me. He never once growled or hissed or got outwardly annoyed. When I got off the phone, I went to check on things and Micah was in his bed working on wearing himself out, David will finishing up lunch and Joy was happily hanging out near her Daddy. I told him I wanted to check to make sure he was okay since I had been on the phone when he walked in and he replied he was. I then asked if he would bring the lunch when he was done, knowing this was not ideal. I was still quite uncomfortable physically so he agreed. Wow! I know I have an amazing husband but I continue to be reminded of how blessed I truly am by the man he is. I am thankful God has helped us to grow closer, rather than further during all of these stressful, traumatic times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECGZz5ScfL8
So, where am I now? Yes, I am worn, tired, exhausted and SLOWLY healing. Yesterday was an emotional day for both David and I as we faced the reality of losing another baby, a surgery and a diagnosis that is not common for my age and general lifestyle. We loved being at church surrounded by our church family but that in and of itself was a reminder. Yesterday marked exactly 2 weeks since being admitted to the hospital for a Pulmonary Embolism, something I will be living with for sometime and will likely affect me for quite awhile down the road.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsjZ94K7UQs
Again, thank you all for the continual prayers and support. I genuinely do see an up-swing happening lately and am so thankful as I am able to do more physically and have been able to process more lately in the emotional realm of things. David and I know without God, without all of the support and prayer we would not be able to do as well as we actually are. As usual, I will say we still have more ahead I am sure. I am slowly learning to become more content with where God has us and prayerful of where He is leading up. My hopes for the future are much the same, just more fervent. However, I am also just thankful to be ALIVE! Praise God! Here's one more to leave you with. You'll really like this one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP73T3Pv6Wg
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Today is rough physically. I wish I had a better name but I just call them "ill" days. I wake up, try to get on my way, get things done etc but let's be honest, I know from the get-go physically I will likely struggle some... whether it be to get motivated, move without pain etc. You get what I mean? We all have days like those anyway. I still have trouble accepting it sometimes. Today, I woke up with pain in my back and took pain medication. While I can say most days I don't need them as often, I still need them. And today, I don't want that to be the case. It helped after resting a little longer and settling in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrQHNQ0hwQE
So, I decided to run a quick errand with Joy, knowing likely one was all I could do. I settled on the place with the coffee, even though it meant a few of the forgotten groceries would cost more. At least all of them were there. My shoulder hurt when I wore my purse. My body felt fatigued. I just wanted to go home. Fortunately for me, I had my spunky, energetic & positively sweet girl, Joy with me. It makes all of the difference on a day like today.
Did I mention how amazing my Joy Joy is? I mean she is my daughter. Lately though, she is the mature, big girl who loves on me constantly, plays well with her brother and is just the biggest helper. I can't even begin to tell you what wonderful timing this is. Seriously! I can tell this IS her, not just a short-lived stage. I adore her so much already but I love how God is bringing the wonderful parts of her growing right, smack in front of my face :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj05-J9z4TY
When I arrived home today, I informed David of how I was feeling and he gave me a hug and agreed I could crawl into bed and veg/work on so, me things. At this point the pain was still somewhat of an issue but I knew that if I could prop myself up in bed, I could still sit down and do some things. I was right and glad David didn't mind. As David worked on lunch, the kiddos happily played. I took a break and called my Mommy. David popped in hoping to get help with a diaper. Realizing I was on the phone, he managed to take care of the diaper and lunch and continue to keep sanity in the house.
How amazing is my husband? He never once tried to guilt trip me. He never once growled or hissed or got outwardly annoyed. When I got off the phone, I went to check on things and Micah was in his bed working on wearing himself out, David will finishing up lunch and Joy was happily hanging out near her Daddy. I told him I wanted to check to make sure he was okay since I had been on the phone when he walked in and he replied he was. I then asked if he would bring the lunch when he was done, knowing this was not ideal. I was still quite uncomfortable physically so he agreed. Wow! I know I have an amazing husband but I continue to be reminded of how blessed I truly am by the man he is. I am thankful God has helped us to grow closer, rather than further during all of these stressful, traumatic times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECGZz5ScfL8
So, where am I now? Yes, I am worn, tired, exhausted and SLOWLY healing. Yesterday was an emotional day for both David and I as we faced the reality of losing another baby, a surgery and a diagnosis that is not common for my age and general lifestyle. We loved being at church surrounded by our church family but that in and of itself was a reminder. Yesterday marked exactly 2 weeks since being admitted to the hospital for a Pulmonary Embolism, something I will be living with for sometime and will likely affect me for quite awhile down the road.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsjZ94K7UQs
Again, thank you all for the continual prayers and support. I genuinely do see an up-swing happening lately and am so thankful as I am able to do more physically and have been able to process more lately in the emotional realm of things. David and I know without God, without all of the support and prayer we would not be able to do as well as we actually are. As usual, I will say we still have more ahead I am sure. I am slowly learning to become more content with where God has us and prayerful of where He is leading up. My hopes for the future are much the same, just more fervent. However, I am also just thankful to be ALIVE! Praise God! Here's one more to leave you with. You'll really like this one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP73T3Pv6Wg
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Oh, Happy Day!
I woke up this morning completely exhausted but so looking forward to it. We got to walk through Joy's soon-to-be-school first (we hope). Afterwards, we grabbed breakfast for the kids and headed to Capitola. We dropped them off with Nana & Poppy and got to have a date! We celebrated our anniversary with a nice, relaxed pace (its the only way right now). We had pizza at Tony & Alba's. (Oh, how I have missed this pizza!) We walked through a salvage place for fun for David. Then we went to the mall nearby to peruse and walk around. I just loved being attached to my David, holding his hand and leaning on him today. We went to surprise my Grandma briefly before picking up our kiddos. (She was happy to see me after these crazy few weeks.) We found out she was still going to be around for the evening so we grabbed the kids and came back for dinner with her and some nice time chatting and watching the kids play. We headed out, made a few stops along the way and arrived home a little while ago. All in all, it was a wonderful day, filled with fun, relaxation and no worries for once. I feel so blessed and adore my family. Thank you, Jesus.
Tomorrow we get to go to church! It's about stinkin' time. I have missed my church family so much!
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Tomorrow we get to go to church! It's about stinkin' time. I have missed my church family so much!
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Friday, August 9, 2013
Am I For Real?
Yesterday, I had someone ask me that. I was kind of surprised, seeing as I strive to be as transparent as possible. Do you think I am open, honest... do you think I hide a lot? Lie? Here's my take...
When I decided to get this blog going finally, it was inspired and for the purpose of letting others know about our miscarriage, my heart and where it stood throughout it and following and to eventually spill we were pregnant again with our Rainbow Baby.
Guess what? God had other plans. We again miscarried (as you all know) and I had a D&C on July 23 of this year, just after 15 weeks. Both losses were in the 2nd trimester so my doctor wanted to order genetic testing at my follow up. That didn't happen. Instead, I was admitted 5 days later, on our 6th wedding anniversary for a pulmonary embolism, a really large blood clot in my lungs. David and I were both shocked and it sent ripples through some of the family, as well as friends as prayers were offered up all over and we received more offers for help than we physically needed.
I didn't see it coming but as I promised early on, I strive to be open and now was not the time to clam up. So what is my take on all of this? I am me. Huh? Well, I have always considered myself pretty open (as well as extremely talkative- lol). For me, it has always been important to do a few things...
1. Share what is on my heart
2. Use tact.
3. Keep others informed (I try) so they are less likely to get lost in all of the craziness.
4. Give God the glory.
The last one is key. I think when talking to this person I wanted to narrow in on it. Yes, life is hard. Would I prefer to be completely healthy? Most days. yes. But, God has a plan in this. I am completely confident in that. I have NO IDEA what plans He has but I know they exist and slandering people and screaming just isn't me as far as I am concerned. So reality check... last night as I finally drifted off to sleep, I said something like the following to my husband, " I am so angry. I am so angry. Why me? Why us?"
Does this help? It happens but I, like most of you have private moments and moments I need to work through before sharing. I hope you still see me as real and open. If you ever have a question, message me on FB, text me, call me or e-mail me. Chances are I will answer it. It may not show up on this blog now or ever for that matter but you will probably get the best answer I can give you. Just last night, I reviewed my medical file online to double check some things and realized what I had misunderstood in the hospital when on all of those medicines. I will be sharing that soon. And it is scary, concerning and makes life real but it helps as well, as it dons light on to what is wrong and how to manage life moving forward.
I appreciate all of you who are taking the time to read any of my blogs. Ultimately, this really all for the glory of God. Later gators!
*Melis*
When I decided to get this blog going finally, it was inspired and for the purpose of letting others know about our miscarriage, my heart and where it stood throughout it and following and to eventually spill we were pregnant again with our Rainbow Baby.
Guess what? God had other plans. We again miscarried (as you all know) and I had a D&C on July 23 of this year, just after 15 weeks. Both losses were in the 2nd trimester so my doctor wanted to order genetic testing at my follow up. That didn't happen. Instead, I was admitted 5 days later, on our 6th wedding anniversary for a pulmonary embolism, a really large blood clot in my lungs. David and I were both shocked and it sent ripples through some of the family, as well as friends as prayers were offered up all over and we received more offers for help than we physically needed.
I didn't see it coming but as I promised early on, I strive to be open and now was not the time to clam up. So what is my take on all of this? I am me. Huh? Well, I have always considered myself pretty open (as well as extremely talkative- lol). For me, it has always been important to do a few things...
1. Share what is on my heart
2. Use tact.
3. Keep others informed (I try) so they are less likely to get lost in all of the craziness.
4. Give God the glory.
The last one is key. I think when talking to this person I wanted to narrow in on it. Yes, life is hard. Would I prefer to be completely healthy? Most days. yes. But, God has a plan in this. I am completely confident in that. I have NO IDEA what plans He has but I know they exist and slandering people and screaming just isn't me as far as I am concerned. So reality check... last night as I finally drifted off to sleep, I said something like the following to my husband, " I am so angry. I am so angry. Why me? Why us?"
Does this help? It happens but I, like most of you have private moments and moments I need to work through before sharing. I hope you still see me as real and open. If you ever have a question, message me on FB, text me, call me or e-mail me. Chances are I will answer it. It may not show up on this blog now or ever for that matter but you will probably get the best answer I can give you. Just last night, I reviewed my medical file online to double check some things and realized what I had misunderstood in the hospital when on all of those medicines. I will be sharing that soon. And it is scary, concerning and makes life real but it helps as well, as it dons light on to what is wrong and how to manage life moving forward.
I appreciate all of you who are taking the time to read any of my blogs. Ultimately, this really all for the glory of God. Later gators!
*Melis*
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Still going...
So, yesterday I went in for my blood draw. My INR is up to 3.0. Here's the thing: It is still therapeutic (good) but its on the high end and it went up an entire point in 2 days (whereas it took a week or more before). I was taken off of the injections (yay). I was asked to skip my dose of warfarin last night and am taking the normal on today. Tomorrow, I was asked to do another blood draw to make sure my INR doesn't jump up any higher. (2.0-3.0 is the only range mine should be in.)
The reason I have struggled to blog the past few days is because emotionally things have been much harder lately. I followed some advice to stay on my pain meds pretty consistently so I wouldn't "crash" or have trouble fixing the pain. It is hard for me to accept this. As I have started to manage my pain though, I am seeing life a little differently and am more aware of my surroundings, hence been smacked in the face not only with all of the things we need to do outside of my condition but with the fact that I did actually miscarry twice this year, have a D&C and then a pulmonary embolism and infarction (dead tissue, still learning here). I am making strides forward but I am very up and down in this stage with emotions and physical improvements some days. It is very much a roller coaster. I also have had a pretty elevated heart rate which ups my anxiety I believe. I am praying that we can figure out the best way to manage this and see if there is anything else influencing it.
Well, Micah is up from his nap. I gotta run. Hope this helps you all for now.
God Bless,
Melis
The reason I have struggled to blog the past few days is because emotionally things have been much harder lately. I followed some advice to stay on my pain meds pretty consistently so I wouldn't "crash" or have trouble fixing the pain. It is hard for me to accept this. As I have started to manage my pain though, I am seeing life a little differently and am more aware of my surroundings, hence been smacked in the face not only with all of the things we need to do outside of my condition but with the fact that I did actually miscarry twice this year, have a D&C and then a pulmonary embolism and infarction (dead tissue, still learning here). I am making strides forward but I am very up and down in this stage with emotions and physical improvements some days. It is very much a roller coaster. I also have had a pretty elevated heart rate which ups my anxiety I believe. I am praying that we can figure out the best way to manage this and see if there is anything else influencing it.
Well, Micah is up from his nap. I gotta run. Hope this helps you all for now.
God Bless,
Melis
Monday, August 5, 2013
Clarity & Follow up
I briefly messaged back and forth with some people and realized my last blog post left out a few key things.
Yes, I did get released from the ER this morning.
Yes, my INR is in the therapeutic range (this is good) and if my Wednesday blood draw shows this as well, I get to come off of the shots/injections :-) It was at 1.4 when I left the hospital Thursday, at 1.3 Friday at home and then at 2.0 today. (2.0-3.0 is where I need to be during this time in my life.)
They ran an extra CT scan because of my pain levels getting worse, despite the improvement in INR. It shows my large clot already getting smaller. (Yes!) This is extra piece of mind for myself.
The down side... Unlike what my doctor at the hospital originally said, pain is NORMAL! In fact, it makes a lot of sense. The clot creates a blockage. It is an injury, and a pretty significant one at that. Initially, pain is part of the healing process and unfortunately for me, the pain meds I am allowed to be on will not always feel like they are working due to the severity of the pain.
Today was easily one of the worst days on record. When I returned home, I had not slept a wink all night. David put Micah back to bed, Joy cuddled up in front of kids shows on Netflix next to me and I slept for about 1-1.5 hours. From there on out, I was in and out and had very little energy. I felt beyond zapped. (I don't even know how to explain the kind of exhaustion I have been feeling.) It was even worse than most days in the hospital. I was on pain meds almost the entire day (which I do not like to be). Micah and Joy were amazing and surprisingly patient with me. And fortunately, David had a rare night off. He had a moment walking in to our room finding all 3 of us asleep on our bed.
I hope this helps clarify any confusion. I look forward to feeling like "myself" again when I get there. Thank you all again for all of the help and prayers. We still have a pretty extensive road ahead of us that isn't completely clear. I meet with my OB tomorrow to discuss post D&C and how to proceed with the blood clot involved now. I am still trying to understand all of the emotions I have been having and trying to process them. And even though it is not his fault, I admit I am sometimes very irritated and frustrated at my OB.
Its August 5th! I can't even believe what a year it has already been. Micah is now 18 months and we are holding our kids a little closer these days!
Love you all,
Melis
Yes, I did get released from the ER this morning.
Yes, my INR is in the therapeutic range (this is good) and if my Wednesday blood draw shows this as well, I get to come off of the shots/injections :-) It was at 1.4 when I left the hospital Thursday, at 1.3 Friday at home and then at 2.0 today. (2.0-3.0 is where I need to be during this time in my life.)
They ran an extra CT scan because of my pain levels getting worse, despite the improvement in INR. It shows my large clot already getting smaller. (Yes!) This is extra piece of mind for myself.
The down side... Unlike what my doctor at the hospital originally said, pain is NORMAL! In fact, it makes a lot of sense. The clot creates a blockage. It is an injury, and a pretty significant one at that. Initially, pain is part of the healing process and unfortunately for me, the pain meds I am allowed to be on will not always feel like they are working due to the severity of the pain.
Today was easily one of the worst days on record. When I returned home, I had not slept a wink all night. David put Micah back to bed, Joy cuddled up in front of kids shows on Netflix next to me and I slept for about 1-1.5 hours. From there on out, I was in and out and had very little energy. I felt beyond zapped. (I don't even know how to explain the kind of exhaustion I have been feeling.) It was even worse than most days in the hospital. I was on pain meds almost the entire day (which I do not like to be). Micah and Joy were amazing and surprisingly patient with me. And fortunately, David had a rare night off. He had a moment walking in to our room finding all 3 of us asleep on our bed.
I hope this helps clarify any confusion. I look forward to feeling like "myself" again when I get there. Thank you all again for all of the help and prayers. We still have a pretty extensive road ahead of us that isn't completely clear. I meet with my OB tomorrow to discuss post D&C and how to proceed with the blood clot involved now. I am still trying to understand all of the emotions I have been having and trying to process them. And even though it is not his fault, I admit I am sometimes very irritated and frustrated at my OB.
Its August 5th! I can't even believe what a year it has already been. Micah is now 18 months and we are holding our kids a little closer these days!
Love you all,
Melis
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