Completely drained today... I did NOT sleep well last night. I was in a moderate amount of pain but was able to manage it well enough. I spent a lot of time on Facebook in the wee hours of the morning looking through infant loss pages though. These ladies who do the work they do inspire me. I hope & pray I can find my own niche, my own way of giving back soon enough. I woke up and was still in moderate pain but at least can manage it with the help of the pain medication. Not in love with it but trying to be realistic and honest that I still do need them some. I am so worn though. It is hard facing reality sometimes, even a little bit. I am thankful to have my first hematology appointment Friday morning finally. I am also hankful David will be home at 9pm, not 3am!
On the other side of the news... David gave his 2 weeks notice to Wendy's last night! This is fantastic news for us. Long story short, the owner at Round Table made him a deal he could not resist ;) He will be working 60 hours a week between both Round Tables in town (instead of 70-80+ between both jobs). He will be learning the business backwards, forwards and all around. He will start training as a shift supervisor ASAP with a small raise. Overall, he will be netting about the same as before but there is a prayer this may help him down the road with all that he is learning. Plus, he has yet to experience any drama at Round Table. Also, his bosses at Round Table have followed through on everything they have said and promised and said to him. He will be home not much later than 11pm from now on with this change as well (instead of an average of 3am). He has been told they will give him as many Sundays off as possible so we can enjoy church, home group, after church events and more time as a family. We are ecstatic!
Please pray his bosses continue to follow through. We truly believe this may be the miracle-en-route we have been praying for six years for! We are in a place now potentially for more stability we hope in the next year or so. What great news amidst the tragedies and trials we have experienced so far this year. I am now convinced more than ever it was the right decision to declare this year our "Year of Faith." Hence why...
God is good! God is good! God is good!!!
That's all for now...
*Melis*
P.S. Was reminded of a song I used to listen to ALL of the time. Adding back to my playlist today because I am... so very BLESSED! http://w ww.youtube.com/watch?v=kQYVZHHbD40 Enjoy!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
What a Day, What a Week, What a Year... What a Life?
A lot has been going on lately. And to to be honest, I have been doing a lot of whining. I realize that is a part of life. However, I don't want to blog while whining, for fear of saying something I cannot take back, of hurting someone else or putting forward a negative self. I believe in being honest but not hurtful to those who don't deserve it.
And on to this day... Today was the very 1st day since I was diagnosed with my PE that I actually felt like myself for a little while. I enjoyed a day where I went 19.5 hours between doses of pain meds. Its the longest I have gone and I honestly was feeling a bit better. I wasn't just trying to extend the time. It was so nice. When I finally took the pain meds tonight, I kind of smiled. I was able to go awhile between meds but I was also able to recognize when I needed them again and actually take them. Its moving forward for me physically and mentally, a little less stubborn... a little. Additionally, I got to go out with a friend and chat for a couple of hours. Since "me" time virtually does not exist anymore (and I am not complaining), it was a nice few hours.
And this week... Friday morning, I went in for a blood draw. My INR was still at 1.9 (just shy of my 2.0-3.0 they want). It had been at 1.9 Tuesday as well. So while I was happy it wasn't bouncing around, I was a little frustrated it hadn't moved up the 0.1 minimum it needed. Friday, I was also dealing with more pain than I had since practically leaving the hospital. Even though the doctor at my ER visit earlier on had confirmed pain was normal, this was so high and uncomfortable to me, I couldn't help but say something. When my clinical pharmacist called to give me the results of my INR, I let her know. She asked me to be seen if it or my breathing got worse. As far as I was concerned, it did. We waited until the morning as the pain was as under control as it could be. I went in to the ER around 9 am after not sleeping more than an hour or two all night. (Urgent Care doesn't take my medical coverage so the ER is usually my only option when things "pop up.") There was one person in front of me. Apparently, the quiet ER didn't last, as within 30 minutes of my arrival it was a zoo. I was in a bed in the hallway, not hooked up to anything, with no nurse in sight for almost an hour. I was peeved but realized the several kids that came in after me, as well as others I am sure seemed more important. At least I acted stable. And I had come in under a strong recommendation from my CP that I had emphasized to them. (Hey, sometimes I feel like a "crazy" person. I may have said she recommended it 5 or 6 or 7 times...)
The lady from the lab finally showed up to draw my blood and I spilled emotionally all over her. She was so sweet though and really listened to me. As she was walking away, the PA on duty came to talk to me. He quickly got my explanation (in which, since I felt rushed I missed giving him info) and told me he would be checking in with the doctor and come back. The nurse came by to let me know that I would be getting an x-ray soon. And I laid there. Eventually, I was taken for the chest x-ray and then I laid there some more. The PA came back and told me my INR was 2.2. I was definitely surprised but thrilled to hear it. He also told me that I had a pleural effusion. Apparently, during the last ER visit it had been discovered. I had not heard about it. Its a small fluid filled sac that is usually spottted before a diagnoses of PE is made. He said it had grown slightly but did not concern him. He also said everything else looked normal. When I inquired about the spreading pain I had, he told me it was normal as well. There was a chance I could have a second PE, but the meds I am on were about the max I could be on and would help me anyway. There was no need for a CT due to the "normality" of my symptoms. I was cleared to go with a refill on my pain meds (never thought I would need those ever in my lifetime). I was happy to be out of there at that point. Once discharged, we headed to pick up my prescriptions (incl. the Coumadin refill that had been made the day before) and headed home so David could go to work. We were bummed he couldn't be home since I was running on so little sleep and I felt crummy but it was life. He wasn't closing so at least I would see him that night.
Yesterday I woke up ready to go to my blood draw and panicked at the sight of blue-purple fingernails. It looked like ink and bruising. I was confused and ran to the sink to run them under water. This helped some, as all but the thumbs faded in color some. I couldn't get it out of my mind. I went to my friend's house for a play date after the draw and waited for the usual call in the evening regarding my INR. As 6 pm came and went, I finally called my CPs. Apparently she had called earlier and left a voice mail but it never showed up on my phone somehow. She had wanted me to know I didn't need a blood draw since the one Saturday was good. As it turns out it was 2.1 (still yay!).I told her about the fingers. She seemed puzzled and concerned. With my INR under control and my pain and breathing doing much better, it didn't add up. She said to only go to the ER if the pain got worse with the discoloration. She called in the a.m. today to check. I tried to make an appointment at my clinic but the only one available was the one with the PA we had previously met at the clinic who had not treated us too well and had not helped either. She asked me to come by and see her later so she get an idea. When we saw her, she said there didn't appear to be a reason for concern. (They had significantly improved by this point and were only slightly off.) She asked me to follow up with my preferred doctor at the clinic. She was actually able to make me an appointment for Friday just to make sure. This gave us some relief so I could get out and relax for a little this evening.
And a life... I'm gonna let you know. Today, I got a glimpse of me, the side of me that is happiest, "normal" (I hate that word.) The point is that I was reminded that things WILL get better with time. This really is a rocky, hilly road with peaks and valleys. That is okay. Today I smiled again and was reminded there is life after a pulmonary embolism. Eventually, it will get smaller and hopefully even disappear. I will never be the same but that is okay. God is good. He has taken care of me so far and he will continue to do so.
[You may have noticed I left out the "year" portion. I may be making progress BUT right now, I am not ready to go down that road. Any mention of the "baby" word reduces me into a puddle inside right now. I know I will readdress that at some point but honestly, I don't want to right now. Thank you all for continuing to read and pray. God is good and with Him and all of this fabulous support, I will make it through.]
That's all for now...
*Melis*
And on to this day... Today was the very 1st day since I was diagnosed with my PE that I actually felt like myself for a little while. I enjoyed a day where I went 19.5 hours between doses of pain meds. Its the longest I have gone and I honestly was feeling a bit better. I wasn't just trying to extend the time. It was so nice. When I finally took the pain meds tonight, I kind of smiled. I was able to go awhile between meds but I was also able to recognize when I needed them again and actually take them. Its moving forward for me physically and mentally, a little less stubborn... a little. Additionally, I got to go out with a friend and chat for a couple of hours. Since "me" time virtually does not exist anymore (and I am not complaining), it was a nice few hours.
And this week... Friday morning, I went in for a blood draw. My INR was still at 1.9 (just shy of my 2.0-3.0 they want). It had been at 1.9 Tuesday as well. So while I was happy it wasn't bouncing around, I was a little frustrated it hadn't moved up the 0.1 minimum it needed. Friday, I was also dealing with more pain than I had since practically leaving the hospital. Even though the doctor at my ER visit earlier on had confirmed pain was normal, this was so high and uncomfortable to me, I couldn't help but say something. When my clinical pharmacist called to give me the results of my INR, I let her know. She asked me to be seen if it or my breathing got worse. As far as I was concerned, it did. We waited until the morning as the pain was as under control as it could be. I went in to the ER around 9 am after not sleeping more than an hour or two all night. (Urgent Care doesn't take my medical coverage so the ER is usually my only option when things "pop up.") There was one person in front of me. Apparently, the quiet ER didn't last, as within 30 minutes of my arrival it was a zoo. I was in a bed in the hallway, not hooked up to anything, with no nurse in sight for almost an hour. I was peeved but realized the several kids that came in after me, as well as others I am sure seemed more important. At least I acted stable. And I had come in under a strong recommendation from my CP that I had emphasized to them. (Hey, sometimes I feel like a "crazy" person. I may have said she recommended it 5 or 6 or 7 times...)
The lady from the lab finally showed up to draw my blood and I spilled emotionally all over her. She was so sweet though and really listened to me. As she was walking away, the PA on duty came to talk to me. He quickly got my explanation (in which, since I felt rushed I missed giving him info) and told me he would be checking in with the doctor and come back. The nurse came by to let me know that I would be getting an x-ray soon. And I laid there. Eventually, I was taken for the chest x-ray and then I laid there some more. The PA came back and told me my INR was 2.2. I was definitely surprised but thrilled to hear it. He also told me that I had a pleural effusion. Apparently, during the last ER visit it had been discovered. I had not heard about it. Its a small fluid filled sac that is usually spottted before a diagnoses of PE is made. He said it had grown slightly but did not concern him. He also said everything else looked normal. When I inquired about the spreading pain I had, he told me it was normal as well. There was a chance I could have a second PE, but the meds I am on were about the max I could be on and would help me anyway. There was no need for a CT due to the "normality" of my symptoms. I was cleared to go with a refill on my pain meds (never thought I would need those ever in my lifetime). I was happy to be out of there at that point. Once discharged, we headed to pick up my prescriptions (incl. the Coumadin refill that had been made the day before) and headed home so David could go to work. We were bummed he couldn't be home since I was running on so little sleep and I felt crummy but it was life. He wasn't closing so at least I would see him that night.
Yesterday I woke up ready to go to my blood draw and panicked at the sight of blue-purple fingernails. It looked like ink and bruising. I was confused and ran to the sink to run them under water. This helped some, as all but the thumbs faded in color some. I couldn't get it out of my mind. I went to my friend's house for a play date after the draw and waited for the usual call in the evening regarding my INR. As 6 pm came and went, I finally called my CPs. Apparently she had called earlier and left a voice mail but it never showed up on my phone somehow. She had wanted me to know I didn't need a blood draw since the one Saturday was good. As it turns out it was 2.1 (still yay!).I told her about the fingers. She seemed puzzled and concerned. With my INR under control and my pain and breathing doing much better, it didn't add up. She said to only go to the ER if the pain got worse with the discoloration. She called in the a.m. today to check. I tried to make an appointment at my clinic but the only one available was the one with the PA we had previously met at the clinic who had not treated us too well and had not helped either. She asked me to come by and see her later so she get an idea. When we saw her, she said there didn't appear to be a reason for concern. (They had significantly improved by this point and were only slightly off.) She asked me to follow up with my preferred doctor at the clinic. She was actually able to make me an appointment for Friday just to make sure. This gave us some relief so I could get out and relax for a little this evening.
And a life... I'm gonna let you know. Today, I got a glimpse of me, the side of me that is happiest, "normal" (I hate that word.) The point is that I was reminded that things WILL get better with time. This really is a rocky, hilly road with peaks and valleys. That is okay. Today I smiled again and was reminded there is life after a pulmonary embolism. Eventually, it will get smaller and hopefully even disappear. I will never be the same but that is okay. God is good. He has taken care of me so far and he will continue to do so.
[You may have noticed I left out the "year" portion. I may be making progress BUT right now, I am not ready to go down that road. Any mention of the "baby" word reduces me into a puddle inside right now. I know I will readdress that at some point but honestly, I don't want to right now. Thank you all for continuing to read and pray. God is good and with Him and all of this fabulous support, I will make it through.]
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Friday, August 16, 2013
Because life continues on anyway...
(I heard this song on my way home this morning.) Pray! Love this one. So appropriate and what perfect timing! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrQHNQ0hwQE
For those of you who didn't realize, when I had my D&C, Joy was enjoying a week with my parents, attending the preschool VBS at their church. She came back with a cold she was getting over. Five days later, when I was admitted with the pulmonary embolism she was acting much better but David noted Micah was stuffed up. When my parents arrived to pick them up two days later, we let them know. Midweek I heard noises made about possible pink eye. When I was released, we gave my parents Micah's medical info if needed. Upon arrival home two days later, David promptly took Micah to get checked out. They prescribed antibiotics for pink eye and an ear infection. After the expected week and a half he seemed to be doing better for a bit. Unfortunately, after 1-2 days of whining (Micah is not an excessive whiner or crier and has never been.) and a mysterious rash, I had had it. I called David at work and shared my concerns at him seeming worse instead of better. (He didn't even whine much when he was sick.) David was able to get coverage at work for a few hours and took Micah to get checked out so I could allow Joy to go to bed. Results? He has an infection caused by the antibiotics. Yep, he gets to be one of those "fortunate" ones who will have to keep an eye out for side effects such as this from antibiotics. And he's the kid who gets just about everything, or at least a lot more of the bugs than his sister (who very infrequently gets sick).
All of this to say, life goes on. What I am dealing with is serious AND important. However, my kids will still get sick. My husband will still have to go to work and deal with his back issues; he will get sick at times as well. Joy will start school soon and we will have to take care of her lunch, her homework, getting her there and home, as well as to dance. We will always have expenses, whether it be for school, extra curriculars, food, medicine, the dog, toiletries, bills etc. (You get it, right?) Life goes on. I have to learn the balance now of not just "regular" life. (Does it even exist?) I have to try and incorporate this new part of my life that will now be considered normal. I have to take care to remember my medicine daily. I have to do my blood draws as requested (which hopefully will start to get less frequent as my INR becomes and stays therapeutic). I have to make and keep all appointments with my hematologist primarily, as well as with my OB and GP as needed, as well as any others I may be asked to see (not sure yet if I will be). I have to keep an eye on every bump, bruise and bleed. I have to report anything of significance to my Clinical Pharmacist. (She oversees my INR and instructs me on what dose of Coumadin to take.)
But... life goes on. I woke up today in immense pain. I am pretty sure the pain was there last night but I was overtired so my body didn't connect the dots to take pain relief earlier. I am fatigued. I went out to do my blood draw and I got coffee. I plan to stay home the rest of the day. My pain meds are running low so I had to put in a request yesterday to get more. Unfortunately, they said I shouldn't anticipate them before Tuesday. Judging on my current pain level, they will likely run out tomorrow. Sigh. Oh yeah, and Micah still is whiny and sad and hurting and itching... Remember?
I feel this Serenity Prayer is appropriate. Insert here... literally.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Win! I Got Out of Bed Today...
When I started blogging, my intention was always to be honest, to be open, transparent. I don't lie. However, some posts come a little slower as I process what I am going through, what has happened, how in detail I want to go... you get it, yes?
Honest to goodness truth? Life has been HARD! Emotionally, I haven't gone a day without some crying for about 4 days straight now. At first, this concerned me. I really don't want to feel broken emotionally. Physically, I have already been on a roller coaster with everything I have been dealing with in recovering from the clot in my lungs. I am an extrovert so generally talking helps me feel better. No joke... most people I can only talk to for a limited time with. Most people I don't want to cry in front of; I don't want to break. I don't want to be seen that deeply... yet. Fortunately this morning I was able to spend some time with a close friend. She encouraged me to let the feelings, the unsettledness, the tears... all of it -- let it flow!
Here I am still struggling to commit to taking enough pain medication and I need to let me feelings out too? I want to resist so badly but then when I let it happen, when I let myself start to process things, I have moments of hope, just as with being in less pain -- I have moments of calm, of energy. So, when you ask me how I am feeling now? I will tell you. I am managing. Each day I get out of bed, get dressed, usually leave the house at least once, make sure my children don't starve, put them to bed. You get it, yes?
I love my Lord, my family, my friends but some days are just that HARD. Unfortunately, I have hit a whole slough of them! Today, I have decided to let it flow, to take my pain meds when I need them, not 2 hours later. I am choosing to do MY best to take care of myself (and boy is that harder than I ever imagined) and "heal" so I can be better for my family and others around me.
So no, I am not doing great. I am doing okay though. I am alive. I get out of bed and smile at least once a day. I adore my husband more than I ever have before. I treasure the miracles my children are and spend more time with Joy on PURPOSE than I can ever remember. I KNOW God is in control. He has taken care of us for so long, I know He won't stop now. He just won't. I know that and am confident in that.
So pray for me. Pray that I can find 2 reasons to smile each day, that I won't EVER forget how phenomenal it is that God physically SAVED my life, that I will start to feel better again soon enough, that God will heal my heart, that I will be able to use this piece of life as a blessing, a testimony at some point, that I will find some peace in knowing that the Factor V Leiden has given us hope for having children down the line, that I won't EVER forget how deep and wide our God's LOVE is...
Thank you all. This is me right now. I know God is working in me and I know things WILL get better. Sometimes its harder to remember than other times but I do know and BELIEVE it.
God Bless,
*Melis*
Honest to goodness truth? Life has been HARD! Emotionally, I haven't gone a day without some crying for about 4 days straight now. At first, this concerned me. I really don't want to feel broken emotionally. Physically, I have already been on a roller coaster with everything I have been dealing with in recovering from the clot in my lungs. I am an extrovert so generally talking helps me feel better. No joke... most people I can only talk to for a limited time with. Most people I don't want to cry in front of; I don't want to break. I don't want to be seen that deeply... yet. Fortunately this morning I was able to spend some time with a close friend. She encouraged me to let the feelings, the unsettledness, the tears... all of it -- let it flow!
Here I am still struggling to commit to taking enough pain medication and I need to let me feelings out too? I want to resist so badly but then when I let it happen, when I let myself start to process things, I have moments of hope, just as with being in less pain -- I have moments of calm, of energy. So, when you ask me how I am feeling now? I will tell you. I am managing. Each day I get out of bed, get dressed, usually leave the house at least once, make sure my children don't starve, put them to bed. You get it, yes?
I love my Lord, my family, my friends but some days are just that HARD. Unfortunately, I have hit a whole slough of them! Today, I have decided to let it flow, to take my pain meds when I need them, not 2 hours later. I am choosing to do MY best to take care of myself (and boy is that harder than I ever imagined) and "heal" so I can be better for my family and others around me.
So no, I am not doing great. I am doing okay though. I am alive. I get out of bed and smile at least once a day. I adore my husband more than I ever have before. I treasure the miracles my children are and spend more time with Joy on PURPOSE than I can ever remember. I KNOW God is in control. He has taken care of us for so long, I know He won't stop now. He just won't. I know that and am confident in that.
So pray for me. Pray that I can find 2 reasons to smile each day, that I won't EVER forget how phenomenal it is that God physically SAVED my life, that I will start to feel better again soon enough, that God will heal my heart, that I will be able to use this piece of life as a blessing, a testimony at some point, that I will find some peace in knowing that the Factor V Leiden has given us hope for having children down the line, that I won't EVER forget how deep and wide our God's LOVE is...
Thank you all. This is me right now. I know God is working in me and I know things WILL get better. Sometimes its harder to remember than other times but I do know and BELIEVE it.
God Bless,
*Melis*
Monday, August 12, 2013
Factor V - The Latest Diagnosis
Many of you may remember me mentioning not too long ago that I had come into some information recently that has helped. In fact this information was briefly given to me in the hospital but I didn't realize its significance at the time or really what it is at all!
While still admitted, my hematologist came in for his normal daily visit. He let me know at the time that I tested positive for Factor V (5). I looked at him puzzled. My understanding at this point is that he said it essentially confirmed what we already knew. I had a DVT (blood clot in my leg, deep vein thrombosis) and it traveled to my lung, creating a PE (blood clot in lung, pulmonary embolism). Now, one of the things I have recently prided myself in is that I ask questions whenever I have them or am confused. However, also please keep in mind that while in the hospital, I was usually on some kind(s) of pain medication, as well as on the IV blood thinner, heparin, while taking Coumadin (my oral blood thinner) among other things as needed. I was constantly having my vitals checked and was being monitored as everything leveled out. In other words, FOG. I was out of it... pretty much the whole time. Hence, why I stared at him and nodded as he left.
Shortly after being released, an old mentor and friend (also a nurse) asked about something called Factor V Leiden. I brushed it off as my hematologist had also noted he was running another test (not sure which one) that should give us information on the origins of my forming clot the day I was released. I wasn't ready to talk openly about future conceiving and whether or not any of this had to do with my miscarriages this year. However, after about a week or so, it started eating away at me. So, I looked it up only to find out there is Factor V and Factor V Leiden, the gene mutation. I read up on it before remembering that my hospital keeps some records online. After finally recovering my sign-in information, I logged on and started looking around. And there it was...
Factor V Leiden... Diagnosis. Now, don't get me wrong. I am no doctor, nurse, EMT etc... but from what I can tell, this is a very important part of my diagnosis. David and I still want kids. We have two beautiful children with whom I never worried during pregnancy about because everything went so well. my ONLY miscarriages have been this year, both recent, both early in the 2nd trimester, a.k.a. LATE miscarriages. RARE! I was a little peeved I wasn't given info (that I know of). Here's a little (as I understand it).
~ Factor V is a protein that helps form blood clots. When the clot is appropriate, Protein C comes along and tells it to stop.
~ Some of us have a gene mutation, called Factor V Leiden that is resistant to Protein C. What this means is it takes longer to stop the clotting, sometimes creating a larger clot that can be life-threatening. However, in those of us who have the heterozygous version (inheriting from only one parent), most never get one. (I did!)
~ Those with recurrent miscarriages/losses in pregnancy are often suggested to get tested for clotting disorders and there is an increase in clotting in pregnancy. (In my case, the PE developed, prompting the tests, incl. this one.)
~ Those with the Facotr V Leiden gene mutation that have PEs or DVTs are generally considered high risk in future pregnancies and can help prevent future miscarriages with Lovenox. (Remember those injections I had for the first week?) Lovenox does not cross the placenta so it is safe (instead of Coumadin/Warfarin) in pregnancy.
So, what does this mean for me?
While there is not a guarantee based just on this diagnosis, it is highly likely and suspected that Factor V Leiden played a role in my miscarriages, not only role but likely caused them. There may be more info to all of this as my hematologist is running further tests during and after me being on the Coumadin. Keep in mind how rare back-to-back 2nd trimester miscarriages are (or so I am told by nurses and my doctors). Also, keep in mind that the risk of developing a DVT in pregnancy increases 7-fold with Factor V Leiden.
A little more info...
About 1 in 1,000 people with develop a DVT or PE in a year. However, the odds for someone in their twenties are 1 in 10,000. (I am 28.) WHAT?!
The good news...
Prayerfully, we want to try again down the line for more children. Now that we have at least one piece of the puzzle figured out, my OB confidently says using at least the Lovenox will make this dream much more likely. We have no fertility issues as far as getting pregnant.
The miraculous news...
As far as David & I are concerned, Joy and Micah are BOTH miracles!! The genetic mutation doesn't always kick in and cause issues. It did but not until recently. Joy & Micah were already blessings but now we realize how fortunate we are to have them both here. I had practically flawless pregnancies and deliveries with them before we ever found out about any of this.
Future pregnancies (prayerfully) will be approached much more cautiously and differently and we feel blessed to have any info at all. I would not be surprised if we find out more from other tests as well. Or, it might be that the rest of the year is fairly uneventful. I have met many women who have no real answers to why they miscarried or were as fortunate as I was to get a PE diagnosed so soon! God has literally saved me!
~ Side note: Forgive any weird breaks or confusion in this one. I am still learning about it and how to explain it. I have also had a pretty rough day physically and am in the process of getting the kiddos ready for and into bed here shortly and it is not going well. Planning on taking pain medication soon as well. ~
I hope this helps some for those of you following our story. We are not trying to conceive for at least 6 months during my initial recovery of the P.E. From there it will depend and we hope to just follow God's Will as best as we can. I am thrilled for what may be but am truly so focused on my 2 beautiful blessings of children, as well as the life God wants me to have. I can only imagine what the future holds.
Have a beautiful evening,
That's all for now...
*Melis*
While still admitted, my hematologist came in for his normal daily visit. He let me know at the time that I tested positive for Factor V (5). I looked at him puzzled. My understanding at this point is that he said it essentially confirmed what we already knew. I had a DVT (blood clot in my leg, deep vein thrombosis) and it traveled to my lung, creating a PE (blood clot in lung, pulmonary embolism). Now, one of the things I have recently prided myself in is that I ask questions whenever I have them or am confused. However, also please keep in mind that while in the hospital, I was usually on some kind(s) of pain medication, as well as on the IV blood thinner, heparin, while taking Coumadin (my oral blood thinner) among other things as needed. I was constantly having my vitals checked and was being monitored as everything leveled out. In other words, FOG. I was out of it... pretty much the whole time. Hence, why I stared at him and nodded as he left.
Shortly after being released, an old mentor and friend (also a nurse) asked about something called Factor V Leiden. I brushed it off as my hematologist had also noted he was running another test (not sure which one) that should give us information on the origins of my forming clot the day I was released. I wasn't ready to talk openly about future conceiving and whether or not any of this had to do with my miscarriages this year. However, after about a week or so, it started eating away at me. So, I looked it up only to find out there is Factor V and Factor V Leiden, the gene mutation. I read up on it before remembering that my hospital keeps some records online. After finally recovering my sign-in information, I logged on and started looking around. And there it was...
Factor V Leiden... Diagnosis. Now, don't get me wrong. I am no doctor, nurse, EMT etc... but from what I can tell, this is a very important part of my diagnosis. David and I still want kids. We have two beautiful children with whom I never worried during pregnancy about because everything went so well. my ONLY miscarriages have been this year, both recent, both early in the 2nd trimester, a.k.a. LATE miscarriages. RARE! I was a little peeved I wasn't given info (that I know of). Here's a little (as I understand it).
~ Factor V is a protein that helps form blood clots. When the clot is appropriate, Protein C comes along and tells it to stop.
~ Some of us have a gene mutation, called Factor V Leiden that is resistant to Protein C. What this means is it takes longer to stop the clotting, sometimes creating a larger clot that can be life-threatening. However, in those of us who have the heterozygous version (inheriting from only one parent), most never get one. (I did!)
~ Those with recurrent miscarriages/losses in pregnancy are often suggested to get tested for clotting disorders and there is an increase in clotting in pregnancy. (In my case, the PE developed, prompting the tests, incl. this one.)
~ Those with the Facotr V Leiden gene mutation that have PEs or DVTs are generally considered high risk in future pregnancies and can help prevent future miscarriages with Lovenox. (Remember those injections I had for the first week?) Lovenox does not cross the placenta so it is safe (instead of Coumadin/Warfarin) in pregnancy.
So, what does this mean for me?
While there is not a guarantee based just on this diagnosis, it is highly likely and suspected that Factor V Leiden played a role in my miscarriages, not only role but likely caused them. There may be more info to all of this as my hematologist is running further tests during and after me being on the Coumadin. Keep in mind how rare back-to-back 2nd trimester miscarriages are (or so I am told by nurses and my doctors). Also, keep in mind that the risk of developing a DVT in pregnancy increases 7-fold with Factor V Leiden.
A little more info...
About 1 in 1,000 people with develop a DVT or PE in a year. However, the odds for someone in their twenties are 1 in 10,000. (I am 28.) WHAT?!
The good news...
Prayerfully, we want to try again down the line for more children. Now that we have at least one piece of the puzzle figured out, my OB confidently says using at least the Lovenox will make this dream much more likely. We have no fertility issues as far as getting pregnant.
The miraculous news...
As far as David & I are concerned, Joy and Micah are BOTH miracles!! The genetic mutation doesn't always kick in and cause issues. It did but not until recently. Joy & Micah were already blessings but now we realize how fortunate we are to have them both here. I had practically flawless pregnancies and deliveries with them before we ever found out about any of this.
Future pregnancies (prayerfully) will be approached much more cautiously and differently and we feel blessed to have any info at all. I would not be surprised if we find out more from other tests as well. Or, it might be that the rest of the year is fairly uneventful. I have met many women who have no real answers to why they miscarried or were as fortunate as I was to get a PE diagnosed so soon! God has literally saved me!
~ Side note: Forgive any weird breaks or confusion in this one. I am still learning about it and how to explain it. I have also had a pretty rough day physically and am in the process of getting the kiddos ready for and into bed here shortly and it is not going well. Planning on taking pain medication soon as well. ~
I hope this helps some for those of you following our story. We are not trying to conceive for at least 6 months during my initial recovery of the P.E. From there it will depend and we hope to just follow God's Will as best as we can. I am thrilled for what may be but am truly so focused on my 2 beautiful blessings of children, as well as the life God wants me to have. I can only imagine what the future holds.
Have a beautiful evening,
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Right Here, Right Now...
Some days I just don't want to talk about it. I don't want to face it. I want to crawl back into bed and fall asleep and hope when I wake up, I will be back to the "me" I knew prior to this nightmare, or what feels like it some days.
Today is rough physically. I wish I had a better name but I just call them "ill" days. I wake up, try to get on my way, get things done etc but let's be honest, I know from the get-go physically I will likely struggle some... whether it be to get motivated, move without pain etc. You get what I mean? We all have days like those anyway. I still have trouble accepting it sometimes. Today, I woke up with pain in my back and took pain medication. While I can say most days I don't need them as often, I still need them. And today, I don't want that to be the case. It helped after resting a little longer and settling in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrQHNQ0hwQE
So, I decided to run a quick errand with Joy, knowing likely one was all I could do. I settled on the place with the coffee, even though it meant a few of the forgotten groceries would cost more. At least all of them were there. My shoulder hurt when I wore my purse. My body felt fatigued. I just wanted to go home. Fortunately for me, I had my spunky, energetic & positively sweet girl, Joy with me. It makes all of the difference on a day like today.
Did I mention how amazing my Joy Joy is? I mean she is my daughter. Lately though, she is the mature, big girl who loves on me constantly, plays well with her brother and is just the biggest helper. I can't even begin to tell you what wonderful timing this is. Seriously! I can tell this IS her, not just a short-lived stage. I adore her so much already but I love how God is bringing the wonderful parts of her growing right, smack in front of my face :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj05-J9z4TY
When I arrived home today, I informed David of how I was feeling and he gave me a hug and agreed I could crawl into bed and veg/work on so, me things. At this point the pain was still somewhat of an issue but I knew that if I could prop myself up in bed, I could still sit down and do some things. I was right and glad David didn't mind. As David worked on lunch, the kiddos happily played. I took a break and called my Mommy. David popped in hoping to get help with a diaper. Realizing I was on the phone, he managed to take care of the diaper and lunch and continue to keep sanity in the house.
How amazing is my husband? He never once tried to guilt trip me. He never once growled or hissed or got outwardly annoyed. When I got off the phone, I went to check on things and Micah was in his bed working on wearing himself out, David will finishing up lunch and Joy was happily hanging out near her Daddy. I told him I wanted to check to make sure he was okay since I had been on the phone when he walked in and he replied he was. I then asked if he would bring the lunch when he was done, knowing this was not ideal. I was still quite uncomfortable physically so he agreed. Wow! I know I have an amazing husband but I continue to be reminded of how blessed I truly am by the man he is. I am thankful God has helped us to grow closer, rather than further during all of these stressful, traumatic times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECGZz5ScfL8
So, where am I now? Yes, I am worn, tired, exhausted and SLOWLY healing. Yesterday was an emotional day for both David and I as we faced the reality of losing another baby, a surgery and a diagnosis that is not common for my age and general lifestyle. We loved being at church surrounded by our church family but that in and of itself was a reminder. Yesterday marked exactly 2 weeks since being admitted to the hospital for a Pulmonary Embolism, something I will be living with for sometime and will likely affect me for quite awhile down the road.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsjZ94K7UQs
Again, thank you all for the continual prayers and support. I genuinely do see an up-swing happening lately and am so thankful as I am able to do more physically and have been able to process more lately in the emotional realm of things. David and I know without God, without all of the support and prayer we would not be able to do as well as we actually are. As usual, I will say we still have more ahead I am sure. I am slowly learning to become more content with where God has us and prayerful of where He is leading up. My hopes for the future are much the same, just more fervent. However, I am also just thankful to be ALIVE! Praise God! Here's one more to leave you with. You'll really like this one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP73T3Pv6Wg
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Today is rough physically. I wish I had a better name but I just call them "ill" days. I wake up, try to get on my way, get things done etc but let's be honest, I know from the get-go physically I will likely struggle some... whether it be to get motivated, move without pain etc. You get what I mean? We all have days like those anyway. I still have trouble accepting it sometimes. Today, I woke up with pain in my back and took pain medication. While I can say most days I don't need them as often, I still need them. And today, I don't want that to be the case. It helped after resting a little longer and settling in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrQHNQ0hwQE
So, I decided to run a quick errand with Joy, knowing likely one was all I could do. I settled on the place with the coffee, even though it meant a few of the forgotten groceries would cost more. At least all of them were there. My shoulder hurt when I wore my purse. My body felt fatigued. I just wanted to go home. Fortunately for me, I had my spunky, energetic & positively sweet girl, Joy with me. It makes all of the difference on a day like today.
Did I mention how amazing my Joy Joy is? I mean she is my daughter. Lately though, she is the mature, big girl who loves on me constantly, plays well with her brother and is just the biggest helper. I can't even begin to tell you what wonderful timing this is. Seriously! I can tell this IS her, not just a short-lived stage. I adore her so much already but I love how God is bringing the wonderful parts of her growing right, smack in front of my face :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj05-J9z4TY
When I arrived home today, I informed David of how I was feeling and he gave me a hug and agreed I could crawl into bed and veg/work on so, me things. At this point the pain was still somewhat of an issue but I knew that if I could prop myself up in bed, I could still sit down and do some things. I was right and glad David didn't mind. As David worked on lunch, the kiddos happily played. I took a break and called my Mommy. David popped in hoping to get help with a diaper. Realizing I was on the phone, he managed to take care of the diaper and lunch and continue to keep sanity in the house.
How amazing is my husband? He never once tried to guilt trip me. He never once growled or hissed or got outwardly annoyed. When I got off the phone, I went to check on things and Micah was in his bed working on wearing himself out, David will finishing up lunch and Joy was happily hanging out near her Daddy. I told him I wanted to check to make sure he was okay since I had been on the phone when he walked in and he replied he was. I then asked if he would bring the lunch when he was done, knowing this was not ideal. I was still quite uncomfortable physically so he agreed. Wow! I know I have an amazing husband but I continue to be reminded of how blessed I truly am by the man he is. I am thankful God has helped us to grow closer, rather than further during all of these stressful, traumatic times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECGZz5ScfL8
So, where am I now? Yes, I am worn, tired, exhausted and SLOWLY healing. Yesterday was an emotional day for both David and I as we faced the reality of losing another baby, a surgery and a diagnosis that is not common for my age and general lifestyle. We loved being at church surrounded by our church family but that in and of itself was a reminder. Yesterday marked exactly 2 weeks since being admitted to the hospital for a Pulmonary Embolism, something I will be living with for sometime and will likely affect me for quite awhile down the road.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsjZ94K7UQs
Again, thank you all for the continual prayers and support. I genuinely do see an up-swing happening lately and am so thankful as I am able to do more physically and have been able to process more lately in the emotional realm of things. David and I know without God, without all of the support and prayer we would not be able to do as well as we actually are. As usual, I will say we still have more ahead I am sure. I am slowly learning to become more content with where God has us and prayerful of where He is leading up. My hopes for the future are much the same, just more fervent. However, I am also just thankful to be ALIVE! Praise God! Here's one more to leave you with. You'll really like this one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP73T3Pv6Wg
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Oh, Happy Day!
I woke up this morning completely exhausted but so looking forward to it. We got to walk through Joy's soon-to-be-school first (we hope). Afterwards, we grabbed breakfast for the kids and headed to Capitola. We dropped them off with Nana & Poppy and got to have a date! We celebrated our anniversary with a nice, relaxed pace (its the only way right now). We had pizza at Tony & Alba's. (Oh, how I have missed this pizza!) We walked through a salvage place for fun for David. Then we went to the mall nearby to peruse and walk around. I just loved being attached to my David, holding his hand and leaning on him today. We went to surprise my Grandma briefly before picking up our kiddos. (She was happy to see me after these crazy few weeks.) We found out she was still going to be around for the evening so we grabbed the kids and came back for dinner with her and some nice time chatting and watching the kids play. We headed out, made a few stops along the way and arrived home a little while ago. All in all, it was a wonderful day, filled with fun, relaxation and no worries for once. I feel so blessed and adore my family. Thank you, Jesus.
Tomorrow we get to go to church! It's about stinkin' time. I have missed my church family so much!
That's all for now...
*Melis*
Tomorrow we get to go to church! It's about stinkin' time. I have missed my church family so much!
That's all for now...
*Melis*
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